Lily Allen may be known for her tough exterior and take-no-nonsense mantra, but the singer and actress has also revealed moments of raw vulnerability since rising to fame more than 15 years ago.
The 39-year-old mother of two has revealed with heartbreaking honesty that she had children for “all the wrong reasons” as she searched for “unconditional love”.
Lily has two daughters, Ethel, 13, and Marnie, 11, with ex-husband Sam Cooper. Allen is now married to Stranger Things actor David Harbour.
Speaking on her Miss Me? podcast on BBC Sounds, which she presents alongside childhood friend Miquita Oliver, she said: “I think I had children for the wrong reasons, really, because I was craving unconditional love, which I haven’t felt in my life since I was a child.”
Allen has long been candid about the struggles she faced in her childhood and how they continue to affect her today — and in particular about her troubled relationship with her father, actor Keith Allen, 70.
British singer Lily Allen has spoken openly about the reasons she had children after struggling to feel “unconditionally loved” following her childhood. Pictured with her father Keith Allen in 2007
Shortly after Lily’s birth, Keith began a relationship with the wife of a Brigadier General who lived near the set of a film he was working on in Dorset. By 1989, his marriage to Alison had come to an end and he left her when their daughter was four.
Lily has already said of her childhood: “One of my earliest memories is of when Mum and Dad split up. We were in our council flat in Bloomsbury and Dad said, ‘Mum and I are splitting up.'”
“I was about four and I was thinking, ‘Does this mean we have to find a new father? ‘ It was really hard for my mum. She was producing her first film and my little brother, Alfie, was a difficult child.
The singer, 39, shares daughters Ethel, 13, and Marnie, 11, with ex-husband Sam Cooper and candidly revealed how she hoped pregnancy would help her pause her career and mend a love she had “not felt since I was a little girl” (pictured in 2022)
“I lived inside my own brain. I had a blanket and I sucked my thumb while I watched the world go by.”
In 2015, Lily also tweeted: “My dad walked out on me when I was 4, I’m so sick of this. My dad was at Latitude when I was headlining and he didn’t even come to see me. I’ve probably spent more time walking my dogs than I have with my dad in my entire life.”
Talking to him Guardian In 2018, she also spoke about the difficult moments she experienced with her mother after their separation.
When the singer was eight, she walked into the bathroom and found Owen on the floor, surrounded by empty alcohol bottles and pills, screaming. She was taken to rehab shortly after.
The singer, who is now married to Stranger Things actor David Harbour, has two children with her ex, Sam Cooper.
The singer recalled how Keith abandoned her and her brother Alfie (pictured) when she was just four years old.
The singer also revealed the best moments she has shared with her father, including trips to football matches in her teenage years.
“I was very close to him and as a teenager I really wanted to build a relationship with him so I used to go and watch Fulham play every Saturday with him and his mates and things were really going well at one point,” she said.
Even as an adult, the singer continues to have a contentious relationship with her father.
In 2018, she revealed an argument she had with Keith after an episode she shared about him in her memoir, which he claims she misremembered.
She revealed that Keith was left furious when she claimed she had suffered a “cocaine-induced heart attack” at Glastonbury festival when she was 13, when in fact it was acute food poisoning.
Lily confessed: “I got loads of texts from him this weekend. There was a big article[in the press]and he texted me saying: ‘Hey, cocaine-induced heart attack at Glastonbury. Wow!'”
Her father is actor Keith Allen, 70, who walked out on her mother Alison Owen, 63, when Lily was four. She has spoken openly about their troubled relationship (pictured, 2007).
Lily Allen admits she ‘had kids for the wrong reasons’ in heartbreaking bid to find ‘unconditional love’
‘And I said, ‘I’m sorry, that’s what I thought… I’m really sorry if I got it wrong, but that’s how I remembered it and you never explained it to me any other way, so that’s what I wrote,’ and he said, ‘Well, that’s not true.’
I said, “I’m so sorry if I got it wrong. What was it?” And he said, “Acute food poisoning.”
Ahead of her West End debut in 2:22 A Ghost Story in 2021, she said of her father: ‘To be honest, I haven’t really spoken to him for a while.
“The last time I texted him was on Father’s Day and he replied saying ‘Thank you.’ We haven’t communicated in a while.”
The star added that her mother Alison had been supportive of her role.
Speaking candidly about her own experience of choosing to have children, Allen reflected on her podcast: ‘My career was going at a very fast pace, there was a lot of pressure and I’m a people pleaser and I felt very overwhelmed by what was happening.
‘I just didn’t have much respite and I felt like the only way to stop people from bothering me was not about me, but about this other person inside me.
“They left me alone, but I don’t think I really understood what I got myself into.”
In March, Lily said her two daughters had “totally ruined” her pop career because she decided to prioritise them over work, insisting: “You can’t have it all.”
The singer-turned-actress said she believes women have to decide whether to put their children or their career first, and said she chose the former.
“My kids ruined my career. I love them and they complete me, but in terms of pop stardom, they completely ruined it,” she told the magazine. Radio Times Podcast.
“It really bothers me when people say you can have it all because, frankly, you can’t.”
She added: “Some people choose their career over their children and that is their prerogative, but my parents were quite absent when I was growing up. I feel like that left some unpleasant scars that I am not willing to repeat on my own.”
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