Lesbian couple share their dilemma after transitioning to a man, making people assume that they are a straight couple when they are proudly gay
- Kate Murray and Andy Arnold are an engaged couple who live in Washington DC
- Two years ago Andy switched to man and it was difficult for Kate to cope with how she could express herself as a strange woman
- She says it felt like a & # 39; lie & # 39; that they were seen as a heterosexual couple
- The couple told their story this week to shed light on the complexity of same-sex relationships and gender identity
A couple who met as two women shared their dilemma after one had switched to becoming male, making it difficult for the other to cope after years of same-sex relationship.
Andy Arnold and Kate Murray have been together for several years. In 2017, Andy revealed that he identified himself as a man and would switch.
Although Kate supported his decision, she has been struggling with it ever since, because she is inherently gay and attracted to women.
The couple, who are still together and now engaged, say they are working to navigate the problem as a team & # 39 ;, told their story on Wednesday at The Washington Post.
Andy Arnold and Kate Murray are engaged. Until two years ago, Andy was, for sure, a woman. Now Kate, who is proud to be a lesbian, is struggling to cope with the change
& # 39; No matter how much I want to separate my trans identity from who I am, I can't.
& # 39; I can't separate it from my relationship with Kate because she's a weird woman. It is a daily dance that we navigate in, & Andy explained.
& # 39; I want to be seen as a man. I don't want to have any mark on me … that says, "I'm trans." I think if I'd been more inclined to that, Kate and I would probably have it easier.
& # 39; Some people have the feeling: & # 39; I have to represent the group that I belong to. & # 39; But not me – I just want to mix, & he said.
Their story highlights the complexity of relationships between people of the same sex and the big difference between gender identity and sexuality.
When sharing their story, they didn't reveal many details, such as when they met exactly or how long they have been together.
They live in the District of Columbia but no other details have been given.
At the start of their relationship, the couple said they were mostly female friends in a group.
When Andy decided to switch, they looked for a new social circle to let him be himself without referring to his previous life as a woman.
But Kate felt uncomfortable with the new dynamic.
& # 39; It felt like a lie, & # 39; she said, explaining that she felt she could not identify as gay because her partner was now a man.
She is now frustrated that people assume she's straight because she's dating a man.
To illustrate the unique scenario, she gave the example of a recent birthday party when she and a group of friends went to a local gay bar.
Kate, who said she was dressed feminine, wore a tight pink dress.
She said the bartender & # 39; thought she was a straight woman celebrating her birthday in a gay bar. & # 39;
She was raised by two mothers and says she is proud that she is strange.
She was upset when they threw bridal showers for the couple earlier this year and Andy & # 39; s decorations were all rainbows – a universal sign to celebrate the LGBTQ community.
Kate & # 39; s were all pink.
& # 39; We want to be treated like a man and a woman like everyone else, but we also want our underlying identities to be recognized in some way. My oddity can exist in my attraction to Andy, and his transness can exist.
& # 39; I think that kind of fluidity is hard to grasp, & # 39; she said.
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