- Most people hesitate to rekindle past friendships.
- They fear it would be “too awkward” or that their efforts would be rejected.
Most of us have an old friend who we have somehow lost touch with over the years.
But reaching out to an old friend is just as scary as striking up a new friendship with a stranger, according to new research.
Experts have found that most people hesitate to rekindle past friendships for fear that it would be “too awkward” or their efforts would be rejected.
But they said reviving pre-existing relationships could provide a key source of happiness, especially at a time when more people feel disconnected.
The team, from the University of Sussex and Simon Fraser University in Canada, carried out seven different studies involving almost 2,500 participants.
Experts have found that most people hesitate to rekindle past friendships for fear that it will be “too awkward” or that their efforts will be rejected (stock image).
They examined people’s attitudes toward reconnecting with lost friendships, the barriers and reasons for doing so, and whether specific interventions could encourage people to message an old friend.
The analysis revealed that 90 percent of people had lost contact with someone they still cared about, yet 70 percent said they felt neutral or even negative about the idea of ​​getting closer, even when they still felt warm about the person. friendship.
One study showed that even when participants wanted to reconnect, thought the friend would thank them, had their contact information, and were given time to compose and send a message, only about a third actually sent it.
Overall, they found that people were as reluctant to approach an old friend as they were to strike up a conversation with a stranger or even pick up trash.
The main barriers reported included fear that an old friend would not want to hear from them, that it would be “too awkward after all this time,” and feeling guilty.
Dr Gillian Sandstrom, senior lecturer in kindness psychology at the University of Sussex, said: “We live in a time where people are increasingly disconnected and have fewer close friends than in years past.
‘And this despite the multitude of modern communication channels we have at our disposal.
Reviving pre-existing relationships could provide a key source of happiness, especially at a time when more people feel disconnected (file image)
“Since research found that it takes more than 200 hours of contact to turn a new acquaintance into a close friend, we wanted to find out if and why people were overlooking another path to a meaningful connection: reviving pre-existing close friendships.”
As part of the study, researchers also tested specific interventions and found that when people practiced social connection with current friends, they were more likely to feel safer approaching an old friend.
Professor Lara Aknin of Simon Fraser University said: “We know from decades of research that social relationships are a key source of happiness and meaning in our lives.”
“We hope these findings prompt other people to send that first message to someone they miss in their lives.”
The findings were published in the journal Nature Communications Psychology.