Never take a mistress, Your Majesty, it will only end in tears. This simple advice should have been given to every British monarch over the past 400 years – but none of them would have listened to it.
These kings and princes were the rock stars of their time – women flocked and bowed to them, they could choose whoever they wanted. And as much as they wanted.
Certainly, murder, blackmail, grand theft, and kidnapping were all part and parcel of these royal mistresses’ bedding, but somehow, Their Majesties always rose above it.
Marie Marguerite Fahmy, former mistress of Edward VIII, was a Parisian prostitute
The Prince of Wales, future Edward VIII, photographed during a visit to Washington in 1936
The Prince of Wales visited Ontario in 1919, where he is said to have “met and married Millicent Milroy”.
When Millicent Milroy died, her headstone clearly reads “Millicent…wife of Edward (VIII) Duke of Windsor”.
Some kings had mistresses in surprising numbers – King Edward VII had over 70 known girlfriends, beaten only by his great-uncle King George IV with 80.
Saint George III apparently didn’t have any, but still hasn’t escaped sexual rumors and innuendo.
One of Edward VIII’s first loves when he was Prince of Wales was Maggie Alibert, a shapely courtesan whom he courted in Paris in the final days of the Great War.
They met at the city’s famous Crillon Hotel and Edward became so enamored that he showered her with a mountain of embarrassing love letters.
Maggie later married an Egyptian aristocrat, Ali Kamel Fahmy Bey, but after six months she murdered him in cold blood in their suite at the Savoy Hotel.
The couple was on an extended honeymoon and had an argument after a night out. Maggie shot him several times in the back, using a .32 caliber Browning automatic.
During her trial, the judge banned any mention of her naughty past as a courtesan. A secret deal had been made: Maggie would return the revealing letters to the Prince of Wales in exchange for not disclosing her name.
She was thus acquitted of the charge of murder – a clearly scandalous miscarriage of justice – but at least the reputation of the future king was preserved.
Edward had less luck with Millicent Milroy, a Canadian schoolteacher who claimed to have secretly married him during a visit to his hometown of Galt, Ontario, in 1919.
The prince traveled to the city on a steam train as part of his tour of Canada.
Fifty years later, Millicent, apparently single, commissioned her headstone – which still stands today – which is boldly written: “Millicent…wife of Edward (VIII) Duke of Windsor”.
She was not expected to die for another 15 years, but to the end she maintained that she was Edward’s secret wife.
Did they meet? Did they kiss? Did they get married? Nobody knows.
Elizabeth, Marchioness Conyngham, was a great beauty in Georgian times and, dissatisfied with her lot, dipped her cap to the Prince of Wales, later King George IV.
It took 13 years before she put her to bed, but she felt it was worth the wait, because while lying on her deathbed at Windsor, Elizabeth picked up as many jewels as she was able and headed towards the door.
“Despite her beauty, she was considered vulgar, shrewd, greedy and unsuitable for aristocratic society due to her common origin,” a description of her read.
She was also a thief on a grand scale – among her possessions was the enormous Hope Diamond, weighing 45 carats, one of the largest stones in history.
King George VI, grandfather of the current king, was a lightweight when it came to the bedroom – with only three or four mistresses before he married Lady Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon.
But his brothers made up for this lack of sexual ambition: Prince George, Duke of Kent, was NSIT – dangerous in taxis – with both sexes.
He had a few homosexual relationships before his marriage – although not with Noel Coward, as some claim – but his main interest was women. Any woman, in fact, and there could be hundreds of them.
George VI’s other brother, Harry, Duke of Gloucester, the duffer of the royal family, was less successful.
He had an affair with aviator Beryl Markham, who convinced him that he was the father of her son. If Harry Gloucester had been smart enough to count the months from the time of conception on his fingers (nine, Harry, in case you didn’t know), Beryl would be in Africa and he would be in Britain.
Nonetheless, the simpleton paid after Beryl threatened to sue him for child support.
Satire mocks George IV and his mistress Elizabeth, Marchioness Conygham
Beryl Markham with duct tape covering the slight cut she received when she landed her plane in Nova Scotia. She had an affair with Prince Harry, Duke of Gloucester, brother of George VI
Prince Harry, Duke of Gloucester, at the Eton v Harrow cricket match at Lords
Queen Victoria is treated by Hafiz Abdul Karim, also known as Munchi, in 1893.
King George IV was married to Queen Caroline
Queen Caroline, wife of King George IV, was a sexual pioneer with at least 19 notches on her bedpost.
One of Queen Caroline’s affairs was with George Canning, Prime Minister
Barbara Palmer, 1st Duchess of Cleveland in a portrait by Sir Peter Lely
King George III has always been considered a saint by royal historians, falling deeply in love and marrying Princess Charlotte, with whom he had a stunning 15 children. But even this royal model could not escape scandal.
At the age of 15, he formed a “friendship” with Hannah Lightfoot, eight years his senior. She had married Isaac Axford in 1753, but after a year she disappeared and was never found again.
It was rumored that George, then Prince of Wales, had her kidnapped and secretly married her, their union producing three children. No one has proven this – but no one ever found out what happened to Hannah, so the jury remains out.
Royal women were just as prone to sexual jokes. Everyone knows Queen Victoria’s closeness to ghillie John Brown, but she was also attracted to her Indian servant Abdul Karim, whose photo was hidden, on her orders, in her coffin when she died.
But it was Queen Caroline, wife of King George IV, who pioneered sex with at least 19 notches on her bedpost.
According to expert historian Anthony Camp, Caroline – whom George found so ugly that he grabbed the decanter of brandy when she was first confronted by his future wife – had no difficulty finding bed partners. Among them were British Prime Minister George Canning, Italian singing teacher Pietro Sapio and Joachim, the King of Naples.
But when it comes to bad behavior, perhaps the last word should go to courtier Ralph Montagu, who audaciously bedded mother and daughter in Paris. The first was Barbara, Duchess of Cleveland, mistress of King Charles II, after her moments of passion with his Major had passed.
Charles II, whose mistresses included Barbara, Duchess of Cleveland
Worried about the virtue of her daughter Anne (illegitimate daughter of the king), the duchess had her placed safely in a convent.
But just as she left for England, the rapacious Montagu pounced on Anne, dragged her out of the convent and began a torrid affair. He was 38, she was only 15.
Montagu, who would become the 1st Duke of Montagu, was truly a bad boy. Ambitious and spendthrift, he keeps himself comfortable by seducing wealthy widows, his latest victim being Elizabeth, Duchess of Albemarle.
Apparently insane, Elizabeth had vowed to marry only royalty after her husband’s death – so Montagu courted her disguised as the Emperor of China.