It’s a story as old as Biden’s left hip.
When young, beautiful starlets marry hunks from a boy band, we yearn for every detail of their fanciful fairy tale, sipping the sweet champagne of their effortlessly sexy story.
When they inevitably divorce, we gorge ourselves on their misery, hungry for sordid treats and dirty laundry, desperate to divide the responsibilities, to say we saw it coming from the start, to pick a winner and a villain in the sordid divided saga.
The same goes for once-iconic brother Joe Jonas and his incredibly gorgeous and almost ex-wife Sophie Turner.
Anyone who doesn’t suffer from short-term memory loss knows Joe as a notorious hound who bedded and promptly rejected some of the most sought-after beauties on the planet.
He frolicked with fellow singing stars Demi Lovato and Taylor Swift – ditching the latter during a 27-second phone call – and even once “joked” on live TV that he would “kill” another ex-bae and curvaceous leggy Gigi Hadid, if things went south.
So you’ll excuse me for feeling somewhat suspicious, as Joe’s wife of four years and mother of his two young daughters have recently suffered some rather catastrophic reputational blowouts.
When young, beautiful starlets marry hunks from a boy band, we yearn for every detail of their fanciful fairy tale. When they inevitably divorce, we gorge ourselves on their misery, desperate to pick a winner and a villain. (Pictured: Sophie Turner in Birmingham on Saturday).
The same goes for once-iconic brother Joe Jonas and his almost ex-wife Sophie Turner. Anyone who doesn’t suffer from short-term memory loss knows Joe as a notorious hound who bedded and promptly rejected some of the most sought-after beauties on the planet.
So you’ll excuse me for feeling somewhat suspicious, as Joe’s wife of four years and mother of his two young daughters have recently suffered some rather catastrophic reputational blowouts. (Pictured: Joe and Sophie together in 2019).
Since the first whispers earlier this week that Joe, 34, was filing for divorce from Sophie, 27, the Game of Thrones actress has been hammered non-stop, portrayed as a shitty party mom desperate to to recover. stolen youth.
Here’s a “source with direct knowledge” from gossip site TMZ, straight from Tuesday: “She likes to party, he likes to stay home. They have very different lifestyles.
Footage of Sophie drinking cheap cocktails and shots was seamlessly transposed with shots of Joe on Wednesday, with their two daughters in Los Angeles – implying that he heroically takes care of them alone, balancing the Jonas Brothers tour schedule and is fabulous in every way. dude, while Soph leaves for a summer party of hot, neglected girls in Britain.
And then came this absurd “ring camera” tease.
“Several sources in direct contact with Joe” – who could they are ? – again telling TMZ that he saw footage of Sophie “saying and/or doing SOMETHING” that confirmed his decision to leave her.
Who knows what the pictures show.
Honestly, who cares?
As if it wasn’t already difficult enough to navigate parenting a three-year-old and a one-year-old through divorce, imagine having the well-established fixture of a globally beloved boy band whose name is synonymous with the kind of wholesome All American goodness you’ll find. in a bag of Cracker Jack working against you.
Because that’s what it looks like, right?
Of course, if Sophie did in fact carelessly sink double vodka sodas with mojito chasers, leaving Dad across the Atlantic with both girls, then there should be serious cause for concern.
Since the first whispers of divorce earlier this week, Sophie has endured a non-stop pounding, portrayed as a shitty, party-loving mother, desperate to reclaim her stolen youth. Footage of Sophie drinking cheap cocktails and shots was seamlessly matched with shots of Joe on Wednesday with their two daughters in Los Angeles.
But I’m going to go out on a limb and say I don’t buy it – Sophie as that deranged rum-soaked genie in a bottle that poor Joe couldn’t rub the right way. Not least because it seems she only came to the UK for work and to film a new show.
I’ve also seen numerous photos of this once happy duo having harmless fun over a cocktail or two. And that’s to say nothing of the many images of Joe alone, visibly accustomed to inebriation, hair matted on his chest, puffing away.
Maybe Joe thought we’d all forget about this Covid period when he said Sophie was the “homebody” in the relationship. Or the 2020 interview in which Sophie described Joe like a “social butterfly”.
“I’m an introvert…I leave the house, like, once a day…I have a hard time locking him down and having him spend time with me,” she said.
And yet now it’s Joe, the hard-working, devoted father, and Sophie, the walking Girls Gone Wild episode, stuffing tequila-stained dollar bills into a Magic Mike model’s thong.
Joe’s “sources” might think they are protecting his cheesy character with these vulgar bastards, but they are only hurting the one person he should be fighting for: the mother of his little girls.
Rejecting her hurts them – and it also goes against this absurd joint statement: “After four wonderful years of marriage, we have mutually decided to end our marriage amicably. There is much speculation about the reasons for this decision, but it is actually a joint decision, and we sincerely hope that everyone can respect our wishes for privacy for us and our children.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say I don’t buy it – Sophie as that deranged rum-soaked genie in a bottle that poor Joe couldn’t rub the right way. Not least because it seems she only came to the UK for work and to film a new show. I also saw a lot of photos of Joe, clearly used to being drunk, with matted chest hair, puffing away.
Joe’s “sources” might think they are protecting his cheesy character with these vulgar bastards, but they are only hurting the one person he should be fighting for: the mother of his little girls.
Oh, vomit in my mouth! How besieged Sophie had to grit her teeth. How dignified his calm silence was.
It’s abundantly clear where these “speculative narratives” come from, a bunch of sleazy, sexist insults that stink like a set of foul-smelling cojones.As.
Sophie’s fear of losing her children in a protracted international custody battle must be palpable. It’s every mother’s worst nightmare, next to being dragged publicly into a bog of gossip while your scruffy ex emerges fresher than an idiot commercial.
But if we’re going to hold ourselves tight and prepare for another awkward celebrity split – in this great summer of celebrity breakups – then let’s hope Sophie can inspire her own “sources” to flip the script and give us a happier ending where mom is. It’s not always the only one to be riddled with toxic briefing bullets.
