Anna Marie Tendler revealed that she wrote a suicide note before voluntarily checking herself into a mental health facility in 2021.
The 39-year-old, who was married to comedian John Mulaney, 40, for seven years, was hospitalized for depression and suicidal ideation in the first two weeks of 2021, about a year after her marriage began to fall apart.
In a new essay published in She on July 23, The artist shared an excerpt of her experience from her upcoming memoir, Men Have Called Her Crazy.
In the article, she describes her experience entering the facility, admitting that she had written a suicide note in the past (though she did not specify when) before tearing it up “into small pieces the next day” and “scattering it in various trash cans” outside her New York City apartment.
Tendler, whose divorce from Mulaney was finalized in January 2022, recounted the harrowing first moments of when she was first admitted for treatment.
Anna Marie Tendler revealed that she wrote a suicide note before voluntarily checking herself into a mental health facility in 2021
While battling depression, Tendler said he admitted he hoped to “get to a place where I can face difficulties without trying to destroy myself.”
He then explained the process he followed until his admission.
“The first thing they do is take my suitcase so they can search my clothes for drugs and weapons,” he explained.
“(The hospital staff) is warm, but not too warm, hardened by years of dealing with the nonsense of patients who are admitted against their will, who are angry to be here and who take their anger out on the front lines of duty,” he says.
Tendler, who was 36 when she was voluntarily admitted, said she was “relieved, even happy” to be there, after her therapist told her they were at an “impasse” and, in her own words, “I didn’t know what to do with myself.”
She said she held back tears as she explained that “intense suicidal ideation, self-harm and eating disorders” are part of what prompted her to seek treatment.
“The nurse then assesses my suicide risk,” he wrote.
Recalling the conversation, the nurse asked the multimedia artist if she had “thought about taking her life in the last 48 hours,” if she had “the means to carry out that plan,” and asked if she had been experiencing “feelings of worthlessness.”
Tendler said he answered “yes” to all three questions.
“On a scale of one to ten, with 10 being the greatest, how strong is your desire to die?” they asked, and Tendler replied firmly: “Eleven.”
Mulaney and Tendler’s divorce was finalized in 2022 after seven years of marriage. They are pictured here in 2019.
While battling depression, Tendler said he admitted he hoped to “get to a place where I can face difficulties without trying to destroy myself.”
Shortly after announcing his divorce, Mulaney dated Olivia Munn and quickly fathered a son with her, who was born in November 2021.
She also admitted to cutting herself, writing: “I wanted to die, but I cut myself, and that cut wasn’t meant to kill me.”
The writer shared more of the suicide note she had written, admitting it was full of “absurdity and self-centeredness.”
“It was largely that no one around me seemed to be paying attention to my mental and physical decline,” he reflected.
She detailed parts of the note, which she said were filled with ‘venom and rage’, admitting she was ‘blinded by anger’ at the time.
“Beneath the vanity was a deep depression, a seemingly bottomless pit of worthlessness and anxiety,” she admitted. “I was a woman losing control of a life I had clung to so tightly.”
Tendler’s book, which is due out in August, reportedly makes no mention of Mulaney or their divorce.
“It’s a story about mental health, about being a woman, about family,” Tendler wrote on social media. “And finally, about the inexhaustible source of my anguish and rage: men.”
She said the book is a collection of experiences about how men have treated her.
Despite fan speculation, TMZ reported in March that “sources with direct knowledge, who have already read Anna’s memoir, said John is never mentioned in her upcoming release… either directly or indirectly.”
Tendler was hospitalized at the same time as Mulaney, who was in rehab for 60 days for cocaine addiction and alcoholism in December 2020.
When she left the center, she asked Tendler for a divorce.
Mulaney proposed to Tendler, a makeup artist, in 2013 and they married in July 2014. He then filed for divorce to end his marriage to Tendler in July 2021. Their divorce was finalized in January 2022.
At the time, Tendler issued a statement saying she was “heartbroken” by Mulaney’s decision but wished him “support and success.”
Following their split, Mulaney quickly began dating actress Olivia Munn and the couple welcomed a son in November 2021.
If you or someone you know needs help, you can contact Samaritans NYC at 212-673-3000 or Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386.
For confidential assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or Click here.