Joey Essex opens up about struggles with grief when he rose to fame on TOWIE after his mother’s death
Joey Essex has spoken of the pain he felt over his mother’s death at the same time he rose to fame on The Only Way Is Essex.
The reality TV star, 30, was 10 when his mother Tina died of suicide.
Essex said it was “tough” going to school and that his father thought he was going to work at the fish market.
Honest: Joey Essex, 30, has spoken out about the pain he felt over his mother’s death as he rose to fame on The Only Way Is Essex
However, his life changed when he was cast in a reality show about the lives of young people in Essex.
He said, ‘I was actually a kid, I had failed all these jobs, and then it was like, boom, I was on TOWIE.
“So all the heartache and pain of not being able to work, I didn’t know who to run to, I had no money, nothing, and the next moment, boom, everyone knew me in England, I was the most famous boy in the UK, everyone knew my name, a lot of money came in.
‘It was crazy for me. And I was dealing with pain at that time, which no one knew about.
Emotional: The Only Way Is Essex star was just 10 years old when his mom Tina took her own life (pictured together)
‘It was still there, believe me. It was difficult. It was overwhelming to me, I couldn’t believe it, and all I thought was, “I wish my mom was here. What is this? Why is this happening?”
It was crazy. I always knew something like this would happen to me. I used to say this, I always knew something was going to happen to me, but I just couldn’t figure it out because my mom wasn’t there and even though it was great, and it kept my head busy, I was still sad, and I always had this sadness in me. ‘
Essex, who has made a BBC Three documentary about his grief and the impact it has had on his life, said losing his mother at such a young age has made him the person he is today, but also him. made it realize that he played a part of being tough.
He added: ‘I’ve always seen that life is like I have nothing to lose, nothing can ever hurt me.
Hidden Grief: The reality TV star (pictured with his father Don) said that while he was shooting to fame after starring on the hit TV show, he struggled to understand and found it overwhelming without the help from his mother
Disguise: Joey (photo of cousin Chloe Sims) said that while TOWIE was a welcome distraction from his pain, the sadness was still there
‘That’s why I have a strong mentality that people don’t know because people don’t see it.
‘What you see is some funny (person) with white teeth smiling on TV, p ****** about all the time, but the reality is I have really thick skin, I’m very tough and I I was also raised by a very tough family.
“When I got into this, I had the same mindset, of,” It’s just a different show, it’s going to be okay “.
And it’s so crazy, I don’t even lie to myself – that’s my personality, ‘I’m tough, I’m this, I’m that,’ and that’s probably why I never talked about it.
“Then I go into the documentary and I get into it, I think I realize I’m playing this part of, ‘I’m this, I’m that, I’m tough’.
Cover up: Joey said participating in the documentary made him realize he was playing a part in someone who was tough
“I had to talk about it, and throughout the documentary I found out that sometimes your mind can play games with you.”
He continued, “I have a hard time looking at the doctor, but you can see me taking a really deep breath before I actually get off and open up to the therapist.
‘And I think that was the moment for me when I finally took a turn in my head, to admit the truth because I was about to turn the whole show upside down at one point, the whole doctor and run from it. ‘
Joey Essex: Grief And Me is on June 3 at 9pm on BBC One and from 6am on BBC Three on iPlayer.