Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s never-ending split is humiliating and exhausting. But MAUREEN CALLAHAN has a bold theory: her refusal to finally file for divorce is part of an elaborate plan.

The Titanic sank faster than this marriage… and leaked less!

For months now, we have been hearing that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are on the verge of divorce.

We’re still waiting — we’re told Affleck will imminently file a lawsuit over Lopez’s insatiable thirst for fame, even as her team appears to be briefing the media on her day-to-day thoughts, feelings, and multi-million dollar real estate moves.

Just to be clear: there is no one to support here.

Jennifer Lopez is also awful: Stories about her ripping Affleck off of his generous cash tips from service workers are all too easy to believe, as are reports of her “don’t look at me” edicts and her yelling at subordinates.

But the idea that Affleck is suffering under her white-hot spotlight defies belief.

Yes, the guy who’s been famous for most of his adult life, who sought mega-stardom as Batman, recently appeared on comedian Kevin Hart’s podcast to insist that he’s “a little shy” and that J.Lo’s celebrity is “fucking crazy,” before offering this lie: “I don’t like getting a lot of attention either.”

That must be why Affleck appeared in not one but two recent Dunkin’ commercials alongside Lopez. Or why he produced her documentary about their love.

Or why she showed off her midlife crisis makeover last weekend in Los Angeles, parading for the paparazzi in her Travis Bickle-inspired mohawk and motorcycle gear, incessantly waving her left hand from luxury vehicles so we can see if she’s wearing her wedding ring.

Or why sources close to him claimed this week that he is delaying filing for divorce (brace yourselves) to spare Lopez further humiliation.

“He’s very protective of her,” a source said.

Sure, of course! That’s why last May it became known that if there was a way to get a divorce on grounds of temporary insanity, he would do it… he feels like the last two years were just a fever dream.

To say that you were literally crazy when you got married is certainly to keep Lopez’s dignity intact.

Doug Emhoff, step aside: Affleck is now America’s biggest scumbag.

Recall Affleck’s on-camera soliloquy in J.Lo’s documentary about their incredible, unprecedented love story, calling his wife a bottomless pit of need, forever broken by a childhood trauma that no therapy could fix.

“In Jennifer’s case,” he said, “I don’t think there are enough fans or movies or records or anything like that to fill that part of you that feels that longing, that ache.”

Is it true? Sure, if the amount of paparazzi photos and Instagram posts Lopez has generated lately, trying to convince us all that she’s living her own hot girl summer in the Hamptons, is anything to go by.

But Affleck could easily have been talking about himself.

This is a middle-aged man who left their shared $60 million mansion to rent a house for $100,000 a month. Afterward, he made sure to be photographed looking friendly and affectionate with his ex-wife, Jennifer Garner, who, as the superheroine “Elektra,” cracks a joke about Affleck in the new movie “Deadpool & Wolverine.”

A modest proposal: What if Affleck, Lopez and Garner were cast in this ongoing soap opera, so to speak?

This certainly benefits all three actors: Garner returns to action as Ben’s savior. Lopez plays the wronged woman who has everything but a lasting love. And Ben reprises his best-known role as a sad genius who just wants to make movies — if only the women in his life would tone it down.

This is a theory I can support.

After all, Affleck vs. Lopez is the biggest story in showbiz, with Garner as a supporting actor and her poor kids as pawns in this sordid game. It’s a Faustian pact, no doubt, but maybe they’ll be happy with it.

Think about it: J.Lo’s recent documentary, movie musical and comeback album was a flop. After her tour sold so poorly, she had to cancel it entirely, though she claimed she did so for “family” reasons.

Affleck’s last film, “Air,” received mediocre reviews upon its release, barely made a profit and received no Oscar nominations. Garner is better known for her real-life role as his long-suffering ex-wife than for any acting work.

Not surprisingly, neither Affleck nor J.Lo have filed for divorce.

They are playing their biggest, most dramatic roles yet, even if the script is getting boring and repetitive.

Seriously, while most Americans are suffering through this economy, a seemingly estranged J.Lo flew to Italy last month, where only two images caught her attention: her left butt cheek and her right butt cheek, which she lovingly photographed, on a yacht, with her iPhone.

She then headed to the Hamptons, where she was constantly photographed, even yelling at paparazzi to get away from her.

The thing is, paparazzi don’t lurk in the Hamptons. It’s too vast, too rich, and too private. Paul McCartney lives in the Hamptons unfettered and undisturbed. So do Madonna, Jay-Z, and Beyoncé, and all sorts of megastars.

If J.Lo is being photographed it is because someone is warning the press.

And how could we forget the Bridgerton-themed birthday party she threw herself to honor a milestone birthday: her 55th?

Jennifer Lopez is about to cash her Social Security checks, but she’s acting like a teenager, forcing her guests to wear heavy dresses in the intense heat and staring adoringly at her as she sings “Happy Birthday” to herself.

This all sounds a bit like “let them eat cake,” doesn’t it?

Especially since Affleck ignored Lopez’s birthday and instead closed on a new $20 million home in Los Angeles.

All of this is reminiscent of the ways Affleck humiliated Garner in the final days of their marriage: his alleged affair with the nanny (which Affleck has always denied), his striking back tattoo depicting a phoenix rising from the ashes (“Am I the ashes? I take offense,” Garner famously responded), and his cruel comment to Howard Stern that had he remained married to Garner, “I’d probably still be drinking.”

Ben’s sobriety and precarious condition are always part of his plot, as is the fact that he makes the woman he abandons suffer a lot and in public.

As recently as Wednesday evening, we were treated to even more updates.

“They know for a fact that they’re not built to last very long,” a friend told Page Six. “It’s going to be the most elaborate and expensive lockdown exercise ever done.”

Oh my god, WE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE NOTE!

At this point, we’re all children of this divorce, hiding in our metaphorical bedrooms while silently praying that these two will pull the plug on that damn business already.

We are exhausted. The constant leaks, the eye for an eye, the vulgar displays of wealth while complaining about fame, the promises to end it all… Enough!

It doesn’t have to be this way, but Ben and J.Lo are making it so.

In this insufferable sense—this extreme need for attention, no matter how negative—they are truly a good match.