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On Sunday night I went to the cinema to see a film that I thought was very important. It’s called It Ends With Us and it’s based on a novel of the same name written by Colleen Hoover.
The novel was inspired by the author’s experiences of observing her father’s violence and her mother’s suffering. It received critical acclaim, sold millions of copies, and was perceived as a story that would raise awareness about domestic violence.
I thought it would be helpful if there was a film that women and perhaps men could watch that explained how common such abuse is in the home and showed, rather than told, the damage it causes.
I’m afraid I was bitterly disappointed.
Blake Lively as Lily Bloom alongside Justin Baldoni as Ryle Kincaid in It Ends With Us, which is based on the novel of the same name by Colleen Hoover.
The film does not portray domestic violence as it really is, writes Jenni Murray
Blake Lively plays the beautiful and smiling Lily Bloom, who has come to Boston to open a flower shop. At her father’s funeral we quickly learn that her mother has suffered from the violence she endured. Lily is hesitant to deliver a eulogy. Shortly after the funeral she meets the charming and handsome neurosurgeon Ryle Kincaid, and falls madly in love.
The sparkling romance takes up almost the entire film with a mere hint that he might have elbowed her in the face on one occasion and pushed her down the stairs, both by accident. It is when he attempts to rape her, knocking her unconscious, after discovering she has seen a former lover, that he begins to fit the image of the abuser.
She discovers she is pregnant. He is present at the birth of their daughter and then quietly walks away when she tells him she wants a divorce.
The film does not portray domestic violence as it really is. It is true that abusers are often handsome, rich and charming and that this type of violence can occur even in the most orderly and wealthy of homes, but the idea that such a man would accept rejection without complaint is ridiculous. We know that it is often at this point that the violence escalates and women brave enough to try to escape are often killed. The words “It all ends with us” spoken to a newborn daughter are, sadly, fiction.
I didn’t know anything about domestic violence until the late 1980s and early 1990s, when it became possibly the most important issue we covered on Woman’s Hour.
I had heard of Erin Pizzey, who founded a charity called Refuge in 1971. It provided a safe home for women and children in Chiswick, west London, but she left the charity in the 1980s and now campaigns for men’s rights.
Ryle only begins to fit the abuser’s image when he discovers that Lily has been seeing a former lover.
It was in 1989 that I learned that the legal system in this country had different standards for the treatment of violent men and women. Sara Thornton had been repeatedly beaten by her husband and had sought help from the police, but no one came to her.
She stabbed him to death, was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison. The judge said she could simply “walk out or go upstairs.”
Shortly after Thornton lost his appeal, Joseph McGrail killed his common-law wife as she lay drunk, repeatedly kicking her in the stomach. He was given a two-year suspended sentence for manslaughter and walked free. The judge expressed “every compassion” for him, adding: “This woman would have tried the patience of a saint.” I and many other women were outraged by this discrepancy in treatment.
The Justice for Women law reform campaign was founded in 1990 and I became a strong supporter of its work.
It has taken more than 30 years of campaigning by lawyers, a few MPs and journalists like me to get the issue taken seriously. Laws have been changed, judges have been trained and Refuge and Women’s Aid have done everything they can to help women find safe places for themselves and their children. And it has taken until now for the police to really accept that a call from a terrified woman is not “just a domestic problem”.
Last month, analysis by the National Police Chiefs’ Council revealed that it is estimated that up to two million women a year are victims of male violence. They have called it an epidemic so serious it amounts to a “national emergency”. Louisa Rolfe, national domestic violence officer and deputy commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, said the real figure was probably four million as many crimes go unreported.
Now, however, there is a chance that violence against women and girls will be taken seriously enough to be placed high on the political agenda.
The Prime Minister is apparently haunted by the story of Jane Clough, a 26-year-old nurse who was stabbed 71 times by her ex-partner in 2010. He had been charged with rape and had been released on bail. Starmer became friends with Jane’s parents when he was director of public prosecutions and the issue of violence against women and girls is now a priority for him.
Police will be asked to monitor the country’s 1,000 most dangerous abusers; control rooms that respond to 999 calls will be given a domestic violence adviser; and there will be a “mission delivery board” focused on halving violence against women and girls within a decade.
Jess Phillips heads the board as the first minister for safeguarding and tackling violence against women and girls. Starmer could not have made a better appointment. I know her well and cannot recall ever meeting a more determined and forthright politician. She worked at Women’s Aid for a long time before entering parliament.
She is dedicated to this cause: for nine years, on International Women’s Day, she has read out a list in Parliament of all the women murdered during the previous year.
I trust Phillips and Starmer on this issue. I invited Starmer to Woman’s Hour to talk about violence against women. He is concerned about it, but he must ensure that the police take it seriously and that there are no more Wayne Couzens on the force.
As prisoners are released early to make room, there should be no rapists or stalkers among them and the courts should be open to deal with these cases in time. Too many rape victims and women who have been battered give up because it takes too long to get to court. There is much to be done, Jess and Keir. Keep going.
At least Brad tried with Shiloh
Angelina Jolie with Shiloh, who keeps her mother’s surname
Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt has officially dropped her father Brad Pitt’s surname and has become Shiloh Nouvel Jolie. It seems she prefers to keep her mother’s last name.
Brad set up a skate park at his home for Shiloh and an art studio to reflect their shared interest in art. It seems that none of that has brought them closer together.
No reason was given for the name removal, but the Pitt-Jolie divorce, which began in 2016 and is still not finalized due to custody and financial issues, can’t have helped.
Motorists are not ATMs
It’s appalling that cash-strapped councils appear to be using drivers as cash machines, writes Jenni Murray
I have been fined twice recently, both times for driving on streets I used to use a lot and which are now one-way and without proper signage.
I am scared to drive in my home town. Every now and then I notice that my speed has gone from 30km/h to 35km/h. Several of my friends have to attend speeding courses and have been caught going 38km/h. It is appalling that the cash-strapped local councils seem to be using drivers as cash machines.
- Well done, BBC, for insisting there were no protest flags at the recent Last Night of the Proms. It’s a proudly British event and I was never happier than when I managed to get two tickets for my parents’ 60th wedding anniversary. It’s my dad’s favourite night of the year and he was thrilled to walk into the Royal Albert Hall with his little Union flag.
- People laughed at me for my Delia version of mince pie or Victoria sponge cake. “Can’t you even boil an egg?” they’d say. Delia calls itself the culinary equivalent of a Volvo, but her basic dishes are reliable and delicious.
There’s no interval? Then I won’t show up!
David Tennant plays Macbeth in a nearly two-hour production at the Harold Pinter Theatre
My nights out, which are not as frequent as before, are all about going to the theatre. I dress up and order a drink for the interval. Why this new trend of allowing plays to be performed without an interval? It is becoming more and more common and it is not always a short play. Theatres would go bankrupt without the benefits of drinks and ice cream, and sometimes plays are so long!
I won’t be seeing David Tennant’s Macbeth at the Harold Pinter Theatre in almost two hours. There will be no interval and no chance to sneak out if I get bored.
