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JANET STREET-PORTER: Prince Andrew is so irrelevant that he was invisible at his daughter’s wedding

Prince Andrew is now so irrelevant that he was invisible at his own daughter’s wedding, but, frankly, ladies – haven’t most middle-aged men survived their usefulness?

We know the Royals don’t do things like the rest of us, but Princess Eugenie’s wedding last weekend was a first. The bride’s father was nowhere to be seen. Normally, the royals enjoy being photographed doing their jobs, supporting charity workers, launching boats, meeting retirees and school kids, and visiting new hospitals. It shows that they ‘work’ and cherish the special bond they have with ordinary people who contribute so much to their maintenance.

As far as you could say that royals have a ‘job’, work consists of looking interested and alert, even when you’re bored. That’s the price they have to pay for the palaces, the flunkeys and all those pretty hats and dresses.

The exceptions are Harry and Meghan, who seem to have a love-hate relationship with the press and only want to be seen when it suits them, which is fine now that they have stepped down.

Prince Andrew is now so irrelevant that he was invisible at his own daughter's wedding, but, frankly, ladies - haven't most middle-aged men survived their usefulness? Pictured: Princess Beatrice and her husband Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi are standing next to the Queen and Prince Phillip on their wedding day

Prince Andrew is now so irrelevant that he was invisible at his own daughter’s wedding, but, frankly, ladies – haven’t most middle-aged men survived their usefulness? Pictured: Princess Beatrice and her husband Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi are standing next to the Queen and Prince Phillip on their wedding day

The Queen’s son, Prince Andrew, is in the highest league of royalties, and his daughters – whether you think they are some nice but weak Sloanes or not – are called princesses, with all the pomp and circumstance the title brings. The title brings the girls to the best parties, private clubs and fun events for the upper classes and in return they attach their name to various charities and good causes.

In cool circles, weddings are unmissable events where they all meet and show off their jewelry and designer shoes, while the rest of us beckon from afar.

For a rather weak fellow, Prince Andrew has managed to achieve a world first (at least in the circles where his family is moving in) by attending his daughter’s wedding AND BEING INSIGHT. We are told that he walked down the aisle with his daughter – not very difficult as it took place in a small chapel, not a cathedral.

But he did not appear in photos. He was not seen arriving or leaving the ceremony or drinking a drink or nibbling on the snacks at the little booze party held in his garden afterward. All this raises the question – was he really there?

While Andrew continues to harass US prosecutors by refusing to be interviewed about his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein, he has become a great shame to his faithful mother, the Queen.

Now his “ close friend ” Ghislaine Maxwell is in a horrible Brooklyn prison cell, denying bail to her trial next year on charges of acquiring underage girls for a pedophile (Epstein), although her family was willing to pay millions for bail.

We know the Royals don't do things like the rest of us, but Princess Eugenie's wedding (pictured) last weekend was a first

We know the Royals don't do things like the rest of us, but Princess Eugenie's wedding (pictured) last weekend was a first

The bride's father was nowhere to be seen. Picture: one of the wedding photos

The bride's father was nowhere to be seen. Picture: one of the wedding photos

We know the Royals don’t do things like the rest of us, but Princess Eugenie’s wedding (pictured) last weekend was a first. The bride’s father was nowhere to be seen

Andrew has also been sentenced to internment, albeit in a more healthy environment. His crime is – to say the least – dumb stupidity and a serious lack of judgment.

Covid-19 provided a handy smoke screen, as Andrew could legally insulate for weeks at home in Royal Lodge, a few hundred yards from Mom squatting in Windsor Castle.

Now that the lockdown has eased, he’s still in hiding. A while ago, a photo of Andrew packing a bag of health worker charities was posted on social media by a PA working for his ex-wife. It also featured Sarah who (what a coincidence) has a book that comes out and reads stories to children online.

A recent photo was taken of Prince Andrew driving the castle grounds with a forced grin on his face, as if to say, “Look, I’m just doing my normal daily activities.” He is not fooling anyone.

So what does Prince Andrew actually do with his time? Charities have dumped him, and the golf courses where he spent most days have only recently opened – I suspect he’s played computer games and listened to Sarah’s stories in recent months.

Clearly, he had very little (or nothing at all) to do with his sweet daughter’s wedding. Grandma provided a beautiful dress and a couturier to transform it into a fashionable topic of conversation that will undoubtedly end up in Vogue.

The Queen's son, Prince Andrew (pictured riding in Windsor on the day of the wedding), is of the highest class and his daughters - whether you think they are some nice but weak Sloanes or not - are called princesses, with all the splendor that the title provides

The Queen's son, Prince Andrew (pictured riding in Windsor on the day of the wedding), is of the highest class and his daughters - whether you think they are some nice but weak Sloanes or not - are called princesses, with all the splendor that the title provides

The Queen’s son, Prince Andrew (pictured riding in Windsor on the day of the wedding), is of the highest class and his daughters – whether you think they are some nice but weak Sloanes or not – are called princesses, with all the splendor that the title provides

Grandma also provided an excellent tiara. The Elton John florist made the beautiful flowers. The groom was handsome and perfectly mannered. After the get-together, the Queen left early to give a knighthood to the beautiful Captain Sir Tom Moore – who disgraces her son in every way by raising nearly £ 33 million for 100-year NHS charities) .

And maybe it’s gotten a bit more ‘exuberant’ in the hands of Sarah and co, with an iPod disco and glamping in the bushes at Royal Lodge.

In Andrew’s defense, it’s true that most dads don’t do anything to make weddings work – they don’t plan them, choose the clothes, the food, or the guests.

All they have to do is pay the bills, extend their arms and take a few steps to support their daughters without appearing stupid. I assume even Andrew succeeded in that.

My own father failed miserably when I got married at Chelsea’s registration office. When we arrived, he was so nervous that he locked my leg in the car door, leaving me screaming in pain as he left to find a parking space.

Eugenie’s wedding was clearly planned and performed by three well-organized women – the Queen, Sarah, Duchess of York and the groom’s mother – and got me thinking: What do men of a certain age have at all?

Shutting down and being confined to a limited space with someone we might have imagined decades (or even months) exposes you to their mistakes in painful detail.

What should Andrew do since the interview with Emily Maitlis – in which he managed to dig a hole so big he could never get out?

He does not do housework or home decoration. He was someone who made friends with questionable characters (like Epstein) to get free meals and travel, and to meet wealthier people he could interact with. Frankly, is that a career?

At least his daughters have a real job (although they also inherited his love of vacation), and his ex-wife is a never-ending catalog of new projects and ventures, all focused on balancing her famously precarious grip on sensible spending. She has lashed weight loss products and weight loss clubs. She keeps trying and you can never accuse Sarah of not pushing herself forward. I love her because this woman is wearing her mistakes on her sleeve.

What should Andrew do since the interview with Emily Maitlis (pictured) - in which he managed to dig a hole so big he could never get out?

What should Andrew do since the interview with Emily Maitlis (pictured) - in which he managed to dig a hole so big he could never get out?

What should Andrew do since the interview with Emily Maitlis (pictured) – in which he managed to dig a hole so big he could never get out?

How horrible it must be at the house the couple shares at the Royal Lodge, where Sarah is working out another story to bring in the money and Andrew is slumped in a chair. Across the country, women can find themselves in that situation. Middle aged men are great at it. . . . can you even finish that sentence? Women work all day as well as housework. Men are working on their growing waist.

Prince Andrew has no skills, no partners and no redeeming functions. And so are many middle-aged (and older) modern men. That’s why women have a drink with their friends on hem, watch Netflix … and only laugh when talking to gays or their friends.

Young women have seen the future and are planning ahead: freezing their eggs and picking male donors from catalogs.

Most men will soon be redundant. Andrew is way ahead of his time.

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