Breasts. We all have them. But oh, how these two mounds on our chest have created dramas throughout the ages.
For me, one of those dramas happened last week. You see, in a moment of weakness, I went to a cosmetic surgeon for a breast job consultation.
Despite being blessed with C-Cup (occasionally D-Cup if I’ve had one too many cheeseburgers), I wanted an expert’s opinion on whether they could sit a little higher, maybe keep them a constant D- Cup despite my yo-yoing weight.
I’ll admit I don’t mind the old boobies in a bra, but as soon as I lay flat on my bed they turn into pancakes. I’ve mentioned before that my man-of-the-moment once stopped me during a nude ruby session to tell me to stop holding up my breasts (shrink!) Seriously, I’m so nervous them.
Blame it on porn, where it seems like every woman’s breasts seem to sit upright regardless of the angle. Blame it on Insta, where every influencer’s tatas are paying attention to bikinis that defy gravity. Blame it on the lame guy who trolled me saying my breasts looked saggy.
Jana had a realization last week: booking a breast job is often a sign that a divorce is on the horizon
I’m embarrassed to say that all of these things are connected, and that’s how I found myself in a surgeon’s office with my top off, yelling ‘Help me, Doc!’
Bless his cotton socks, he took one look at them and told me I was being ridiculous and quickly put my worries to bed.
However, he shared some very interesting information with me that shook me. He revealed that nearly half of his married patients who get their breasts done end up leaving their husbands within a year or so.
His theory, and now mine, is that women come to him feeling creepy, limp, not sexy, like they’ve lost their spark. They want their breasts to sit where they did before children. They want to feel attractive again.
He said they are usually overlooked by husbands who once wanted them. Most complain that they are now seen as mothers and cleaners. Ugly, ugly, ugly.
“I see many of them who are on the verge of leaving their husbands,” said one surgeon
I contacted another surgeon to confirm that this is indeed happening and yes, he confirmed it.
‘I see women in consultations who have reached rock bottom. They want to feel wanted again. They want curves and a female figure. They come back a month after the operation and I look at a completely different person,’ said the surgeon, who asked to remain anonymous.
‘They have got that zest for life back. They feel sexy and alive. Yes, I see many of them who are on the verge of leaving their husbands. Many of my patients also get breast augmentation after divorce. They are getting ready to start dating again and want to feel confident and sexy.’
Veronica Lamarche, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Essex, recently spoke about why married women chose to get breast implants, saying “they could reach for change that they can easily control, like appearance”.
‘When rejected, people are motivated to fit in with others, such as becoming more attractive – we like positive enforcement. If change makes a former partner jealous, it can soften rejection; if it opens up sexual possibilities with others, it can be validating,’ she added.
“Another friend has been secretly screwing her boss since she got a breast job,” Jana said
When we talked to married friends about it this week, none of them were surprised. A girlfriend admitted that she has barely had sex with her husband since the children arrived. Not for lack of effort on her behalf. She said he simply stopped looking at her as a sexual partner and more as a flat mate.
Another friend has been secretly screwing her boss since she got a breast job.
‘I went back into the office after a two week break to get my breasts done and it’s like I was a whole new person. The boss treated me differently. In fact, men in general began to notice me,’ she told me.
Her husband could not have bestowed her new breast, but other men certainly did. Suddenly she felt desirable again. Men wanted her, and to her surprise, she wanted them back.
A divorced male friend of mine has told me no less than three times about the time he paid for his (now ex) wife’s breast jobs, only for her to run away and let someone else play with them.
But here’s a question…did the breast job lead to the divorce or was it done in preparation for it?
Everyone knows how shallow the dating pool is right now. Does a small tweak to one’s appearance give them the boost of confidence needed to make the scary jump back into it?
Heck, we’ve seen men do it. Suddenly they’re hitting the gym, eating better, and god forbid putting that awfully obvious hair color in their gray to look younger. (Don’t do it boys, it’s more obvious than you think).
As superficial as it sounds, a good old fashioned chest job can do wonders for a girl’s confidence. Heck, some women now even participate in the total ‘mummy makeover’ packages offered by many surgeons.
One surgeon, who wished to remain anonymous, told me he was able to buy his second house on that parcel alone.
There is no doubt that better self-esteem leads to a better attitude. Maybe these women just recognize that they deserve someone who makes them feel special and strive for more. I don’t hate that concept.
So beware husbands. If your wife goes under the knife, you might want to start stepping it up. You’re about to have competition on your hands. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
