Last week I had an epic date. Or so I thought, until they Ubered me to a house, alone, immediately after dinner.
You see, I finally got dinner with a guy who is the definition of va va voom.
He had big, broad shoulders, piercing blue eyes, a full but well-groomed beard, and a laugh that lit up a room.
He was the kind of person you admire. With incredible work that commands respect and an eye for detail that showed in the way she dressed and carried herself.
So of course I was nervous. Now this sounds really embarrassing, but he had some talking points prepared that I thought would interest him and he was prepared to blow your mind.
But thanks to my non-stop chatter, he could barely say a word. Oh, and she was so consumed with courting him that I forgot to ask her questions.
Last week I had an epic date. Or so I thought, until they Ubered me to a house, alone, right after dinner.
That’s two strikes.
The final blow came when I asked him if he would like to go to another bar after finishing dinner and he said he “needed to go to bed early.”
I got home at 9. It was the fastest date of my life.
As I sadly took off the sexy lingerie set I was preparing to surprise him with, I wondered where I had gone wrong. Realistically, I can point out exactly what turned him off. I was too interested, I talked too much, I didn’t ask any questions and I barely let him say a word. Oh God.
That’s when I realized that seduction is an art.
Some people are born naturally with the gift, like Harry Styles with his cheeky smile and shy confidence, Marilyn Monroe with her bedroom eyes and sweet naiveté, George Clooney with his deep voice and natural charisma.
And then there are those who are not. And I’m sorry to say that those people really stick out like a sore thumb. Me included.
They are such small things, but they prevent us from getting laid and we must put a stop to them. So prepare to cringe (and hopefully reflect on yourself) as I name-drop and shame the ‘fatal five’.
Being too tight with cash
Last night a guy offered to buy us a drink. He returned with two glasses of cheaper prosecco, instead of champagne for five dollars more. Now I’m going to get in trouble for saying this but… ugh.
If you want to make a good first impression, spend a few dollars more. Yes, times are tough, but looking a little tight in the pocket won’t make us jump in the bag with you.
You see, I finally got dinner with a guy who is the definition of va va voom.
The same could be said about boys who buy girls gerbras instead of roses. And don’t even get me started on the discount vouchers used on appointments. If you are a little poor but still want to go on a date, why not organize a picnic and go outdoors?
There are ways to seduce someone without appearing uptight. Get creative people!
be too nice
Is there anything more annoying than having a conversation with someone who simply agrees with everything you say?
They are like needy golden retrievers. They say things like “yes, totally” and “you’re absolutely right.”
I have an opinion!
Nobody wants to sleep with a doormat.
We want to sleep with someone who challenges our ideas and has the confidence to share their own thoughts and beliefs. Now that’s hot.
Vocalizing your insecurities
I’ve definitely been guilty of this. I used to go on dates and point out all my flaws in an attempt to show my date that I already knew them. For some reason I thought it was cute to laugh at myself, but all it did was highlight things that put me in a negative light.
So stop joking about your baldness or short stature or pointing out how bad you are at budgeting, dancing, or keeping a schedule (the list goes on). Treat each interaction as if it were a job interview, just giving it your best shot. And as the saying goes, fake it until you make it.
Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Acting very thirsty
Those who clearly just want to sleep with you. Oh. A guy recently approached me when he was out with friends and he reeked of thirst. He made the epic mistake of grabbing my bare shoulder in this intimate way and caressing my back while he waved. I instantly went into defense mode. I had never met this guy, and yet he felt like he could come into my personal space. Absolutely not.
I’ve definitely been guilty of this. I used to go on dates and point out all my flaws in an attempt to show my date that I already knew them.
A rule when trying to seduce someone. Keep your hands still until they give you the A-OK to get a little closer.
Not only did this guy not have a chance with me, but he was also labeled a creep. Sure, when we’re attracted to people, we tend to have sex on the brain, but we keep it cool. People are not objects for you to handle.
when you talk too much
For example me!
Yes, those of us who don’t take a breath between sentences. We are too busy making him believe how fabulous we are, that we forget to listen or ask questions.
Cringe!
As I mentioned, sometimes I can get too excited on a date and just want to impress the object of my affection. I look back on those seduction attempts now and realize that I gave off desperate vibes and also made me seem a little self-absorbed.
Excessive personal growth doesn’t always feel good.
So, with a few simple adjustments we can get rid of those nasty anti-seduction traits we probably didn’t even realize we were doing and be more successful when it comes to getting laid.
Hurrah!
READ MORE: Here’s why ‘good’ men cheat, writes Jana Hocking
