I have come to the conclusion that men can be dangerous.
That’s why two years ago, when I was 34, I decided to completely disconnect from men.
For some, it is a radical idea. For me, it was completely natural.
And now, after Donald Trump’s re-election last week, thousands of women join me in this awakening.
It’s called the 4B move. It began in South Korea in 2016 as a response to a horrific crime: the brutal murder of a woman in a subway station by a man who allegedly said he was “fed up of being ignored by women.”
From this tragedy, a wave of female anger turned into action. Women took control of their lives by accepting the four “No’s”: no heterosexual sex, no marriage, no children, and no relationships. The name ‘4B’ comes from the Korean words for those four options, all starting with the letter ‘b’.
I discovered 4B in 2022. At the time, I was in a state of transformation as my business took off and I experienced the typical questions that come with massive change: What do I want? What should I want? What kind of future do I see for myself?
Now, this lifestyle has given me a sense of peace, confidence and empowerment that I have never experienced before.
I grew up Catholic in a large Republican family in St Louis, Missouri. As a child, I spent weekends at church, participating in service and connecting with the congregation. Twice my family attended pro-life marches in DC with other members.
I have come to the conclusion that men can be dangerous. That’s why two years ago, when I was 34, I decided to completely disconnect from men.
It’s called the 4B move. It began in South Korea in 2016 as a response to a horrific crime: the brutal murder of a woman in a subway station by a man who allegedly said he was “fed up of being ignored by women.” (Women are shown reacting to Kamala Harris’ concession speech.)
But when I moved to New York City at age 21, my world opened wide. I started having conversations I never would have had at home. They made me into the woman I am today, who takes risks, empathizes with different life experiences and stands up for the underdog. They changed me.
At the same time, America was changing. In June 2022, the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and the message was clear: women’s rights in this country were not only being challenged, they were being dismantled. I felt scared for myself, but more than that, I felt angry for the women.
Since I was little, I had been warned that men were my responsibility to manage. They told me to watch what I wore or how I walked. I carried my keys between my fingers at night, stopped using both AirPods at the same time, shared my location with friends when I was on a date, and never went for a run after sunset.
I learned that my life depended on staying alert, because it did. And it wasn’t just strangers. I knew many women who were hurt by the men they loved and trusted. Men they swore to love and who swore to love them. Men they slept with at night.
The overturning of Roe consolidated everything I already knew. Five judges (four of them men) decided that we did not deserve control over our own bodies. The new MAGA Republican Party, with its hyper-masculine, power-hungry control, applauded him.
That was the moment I started delving into the 4B movement.
It was vital for me to maintain my sense of autonomy in a country that wanted to strip me of it. But when I let go of the idea of dating men, I began to see how deeply my identity was rooted in the male gaze. I wanted to know who I was when I wasn’t dressing, acting, and essentially living for male acceptance and approval.
Letting go of the ‘cool girl’ narrative felt like freedom.
When I first shared my 4B story on TikTok after last week’s election, the response was overwhelming.
Hundreds of women shared horror stories in my comments section about how their husbands changed after having children and began to see them as “the help.”
Now, after the election, they share their outrage that their pro-Trump husbands voted against their daughters’ rights. Some have even abandoned their marriages.
And yet, others are joining the 4B movement. For many of them, Trump’s re-election was the last straw.
And yet, others are joining the 4B movement. For many of them, Trump’s re-election was the last straw.
Since I was little, I had been warned that men were my responsibility to manage. They told me to watch what I wore or how I walked.
But when I moved to New York City at age 21, my world opened wide. I started having conversations I never would have had at home.
Unfortunately, the male reaction has been exactly what I expected.
Men flood my inbox with abuse, calling me fat and ugly, saying that men don’t want me anyway because ‘at 36 you’re done’, or that I’m a single lady (as if that’s some innovative insult). . They leaked my personal information, sent me threatening text messages, and claimed they would harm me.
To them I say: Do you think you are proving something? Because all you’re doing is proving that I’m mine.
Two years later, my life is full of joy, more than I ever expected.
My friendships are deeper than ever and my friends are truly the loves of my life. I spend more time with my family whom I adore. I have built four businesses that empower and uplift women. I’ve traveled the world alone and felt more alive than ever on a terrible date or in an unsatisfying relationship.
Although I do not align with all aspects of the 4B movement, I still advocate for the 4B lifestyle. Trump’s re-election only solidified that choice.
I still want a family; I have been planning to conceive with a sperm donor. But faced with the possibility of a national abortion ban, I’m second-guessing my decision. If it is not safe to get pregnant in this country with our high maternal mortality rate, choosing to be a single mother can also mean losing your life.
To all women who are considering a life without men, I highly recommend that you think about the 4B movement.
It has brought me nothing but confidence, purpose and joy. Love is found in many different and beautiful ways.