Home Life Style I’ve shelled out £5,000 to attend my friend’s destination wedding, but now she wants a hen do abroad too.

I’ve shelled out £5,000 to attend my friend’s destination wedding, but now she wants a hen do abroad too.

0 comments
A woman revealed on Mumsnet that she is paying £5,000 to attend a friend's wedding abroad - but now also wants a hen do at the destination (file image)

A woman who has already shelled out £5,000 to attend her friend’s destination wedding has revealed her dilemma after the bride-to-be revealed she also wants to host her hen do abroad.

On British parenting platform Mumsnet, the woman explained that the bride-to-be, who is her best friend, “hopes” she will go on the hen do trip, which will cost her an extra £1,000.

He stated that he can afford the trip, but that he will have to take money from his savings to pay for it.

The woman asked for advice on how to “politely” let her friend down; to which many others responded with their own thoughts.

Many suggested that her friend sounded like a ‘bridezilla’ and that the target hen sounded ‘absolutely ridiculous’.

the publication read: ‘My best friend is getting married abroad this year, and it’s costing us £5.5k to attend for myself, DH and two children for a week in July; This is already much more than we would normally spend on our summer vacation and does not include spending money.

“We were talking about her hen do plans at the weekend. She wants to go abroad which will cost her ~£1,000 – again this doesn’t include spending money.

“I think it’s shocking to expect people to spend this amount of money; if she wasn’t my lifelong best friend, I wouldn’t go to the wedding because of the costs involved.”

A woman revealed on Mumsnet that she is paying £5,000 to attend a friend’s wedding abroad – but now also wants a hen do at the destination (file image)

‘I can tell from our chat at the weekend that she’s hoping I’ll go to her hen do abroad, technically I can afford to go if I use some of my ISA savings, but I can’t justify spending almost £10k+ in total at her wedding and bridal shower.

‘By the time I take into account holiday costs of £6.6k + spending money + holiday clothes + wedding outfits + airport parking etc.

‘How can I politely let you know that I can’t force the foreign hen?’ She knows I have some savings (not a substantial amount).

He added, “Also, while we’re here, is it normal to give a wedding gift when attending a destination wedding?”

Many suggested that she should be upfront and honest with her friend and explain that she can’t afford it, while others said she sounded like a ‘bridezilla’.

One person said: ‘Savings are none of your business. The clue in the name, “savings,” not spending on Bridezilla’s bachelorette party.

On the British platform for parents, the woman explained that the future bride, who is her best friend,

On the British parenting platform, the woman explained that the bride-to-be, who is her best friend, “hopes” she will go on the hen do trip, which will cost her an extra £1,000.

Ive shelled out 5000 to attend my friends destination wedding

1736754893 570 Ive shelled out 5000 to attend my friends destination wedding

1736754893 377 Ive shelled out 5000 to attend my friends destination wedding

1736754893 900 Ive shelled out 5000 to attend my friends destination wedding

Many suggested her friend sounded like a 'girlfriend' and the target hen sounded 'absolutely ridiculous'.

Many suggested her friend sounded like a ‘girlfriend’ and the target hen sounded ‘absolutely ridiculous’.

‘This is one of those situations where you will have to be honest. Just say that unfortunately you won’t be able to go.

‘If he pushes further, tell him that your holiday budget is well spent on the wedding, that you can’t take time off work, etc.’ If he mentions savings, explain that they are tied up. Maybe you say that you would like to invite her to afternoon tea instead.

Another said: ‘This is absolutely ridiculous. If you’re having a destination wedding, you’re lucky you’re willing to spend that amount to attend.

“It’s hugely selfish and totally legitimate to expect people to attend a stag do abroad.” I would resolutely say no to the bachelorette party, period.’

Someone else wrote: ‘Presumably it’s savings for you, dh and the kids so it would be quite selfish to spend it on a happy… maybe she doesn’t fully appreciate how expensive life with two kids is!’

A fourth said: ‘Taking advantage of your savings doesn’t equate to being able to afford it.

‘Be honest and direct. Tell her it sounds incredible, but the costs of attending the wedding have exceeded your budget for the year and you can’t afford another trip abroad.

“If he has the courage to say you have savings, tell him it’s your emergency backup and you’ll be on the hook for 3 years.”

1736754894 502 Ive shelled out 5000 to attend my friends destination wedding

1736754894 635 Ive shelled out 5000 to attend my friends destination wedding

1736754895 401 Ive shelled out 5000 to attend my friends destination wedding

Others suggested that the woman travel alone to the destination wedding for a few days to cut costs.

Others suggested that the woman should travel alone to the destination wedding for a few days to cut costs.

Others suggested that the woman should travel alone to the destination wedding for a few days to cut costs.

One person wrote: ‘Definitely don’t spend your savings on this. And honestly, I wouldn’t spend it on the wedding either.

‘If she is a very good friend, then I would travel alone to attend the wedding, which would involve a stay of 2 or 3 nights maximum. And save money on your clothes, travel and accommodation from dh and dc and go on a family vacation that everyone will enjoy.

“But I’m a miserable idiot, I could never spend money like that on someone else’s wedding, it’s A LOT of money.”

Another said: “Firstly I wouldn’t spend £5.5k to go to the wedding, let alone spend more on the hen do.” That is absolutely ridiculous in my opinion.

Another said: ‘I had to go to my best friend’s wedding alone because not all of us could afford to go to Tuscany, can’t you go alone and save money?’ I didn’t go to her bridal shower in the UK because they spent three days at a spa; These things are getting out of hand.

However, the woman explained that she had initially thought about traveling alone but said she would “feel bad” leaving her children at home.

She wrote: ‘I’ll tell him I can’t afford chicken abroad and I won’t go. I considered booking to go to the wedding without DH and DC, but my DC friends will be at the wedding and are the same age as my DC, so I would have felt bad leaving my kids at home.’

Others suggested that the bride could celebrate her bridal shower while they are already abroad to attend the wedding.

One person said: ‘Why can’t she have the bridal shower at the destination, about a night before the wedding?’

Another said: ‘I suggest you do the hen party the week of the wedding while you’re away.’ Explain the reason you’ve given here and say that other people might feel it’s a bit of a stretch too. Use humor. Keep it light in your approach and I hope you enjoy the wedding.

The original poster responded: “I suggested having a bachelorette party when we’re already abroad for the wedding, although she seems determined to have a separate bachelorette weekend in Mykonos, so those who said it sounds very ‘Instagram wedding/ Chickens are spot on.

You may also like