I’ve had it with zodiac fans! From Gwynnie to Emma Watson, horoscope hysteria is everywhere

“My boyfriend is a Leo and I’m a Sagittarius, so we’re both fire signs,” says a mom in my yoga group as if that means something.

Apparently this heavenly seal of approval is a fast track to happily ever after, the usual nonsense spewed out like gospel by zodiac zealots that leaves my eyes so glassy the room blurs.

Okay, maybe in a yogi class, sucking up a little cosmic nonsense is par for the course, but this seems to be spreading like wildfire, and for cynics like me, there’s little escape.

Whether it’s celebrities insisting on a ‘Saturn return’ or ‘astrological life coach’ ads being posted on your Instagram account, is it no longer possible to make daily decisions without consulting Uranus or should I say , Talk about it?

Now, of course, I will happily admit that I am in favor of a quick review of my daily ‘predictions’ as they are explained in the sky.

In fact, newspaper horoscopes are harmless and very pleasant distractions from the daily grind.

But the problem is that, somewhere along the way, everything got a little out of hand.

You see, the supposed impact of the stars and the moon is even now subject to pseudo-intellectual debate.

Apparently this heavenly seal of approval is a fast track to happily ever after, the usual nonsense spewed out like gospel by zodiac zealots that leaves my eyes so glassy the room blurs.

Take this recent article in The Washington Post by Christine Suggs, a self-proclaimed non-binary ‘cosmic artist’ who blames misogyny for astrology’s ‘shallow and stupid’ reputation.

Article headline: “How my queer identity and my love of horoscopes intersect.”

In Suggs’ view, astrology’s intended audience—women and the gay community—makes it as much a subject of ridicule as romantic fiction.

So it has absolutely nothing to do with the complete absence of scientific evidence? Or those too obviously generic and unique horoscope ramblings?

‘[Astrology is] a shortcut to meeting someone and having the deep conversations I crave. They have taught me to value many different types of people, intelligence and friendships,” trina Suggs.

Deep conversations? Intelligence? What planet are we on, people?

In my experience, the zodiac sign talk is usually something to endure at the hair salon once you’ve exhausted the conversation about your next vacation plans and ordered that third latte.

Or it can come up as one of those desperate social gatherings where nobody wants to be and when you can’t think of anything else to say.

It’s on par with a bad first date asking, ‘If you could be any animal, what would you be?’ Bored. Taxi please!

After all, any rational person can surely see this nonsense for what it is.

Or so you would think… The astrology industry is now worth a reported $2.2 billion. A staggering number, and it is rising rapidly.

People point to Gen-Z’s obsession with Astro-influencers on TikTok as a major force behind the growth.

Clearly, then, gullibility is as ripe for monetization as ever, taken advantage of by all the usual suspects.

Yes, I’m looking at you and your Goop ‘moonstone chakra bracelets’ (final SALE price $8,700), Gwyneth Paltrow.

Clearly gullibility is as ripe for monetization as ever, taken advantage of by all the usual suspects. Yes, I’m looking at you, Gwyneth Paltrow.

But it’s not all about Gwynnie: celebs are lining up around the block to get their bite of the spiritual dollar-stuffed pie.

Personally, I blame the late Grand Princess Diana, who hired a personal astrologer for six years in an attempt to navigate the evidence of one of the world’s most public marital breakups.

While it raised some eyebrows in the ’90s, many have jumped on the bandwagon since.

Often on her own planet, Harry Potter star Emma Watson is a case in point, taking a cue from Adele and Katy Perry to cite the influence of ‘Saturn’s Return’ (me neither) on her life.

For the unindoctrinated, I was told that this astrological phenomenon occurs roughly every 30 years when the planet returns to the same position in the sky as when you were born. It is said to cause great changes in life.

Some of us used to call it an early midlife crisis.

In a rambling social media post to mark her 33rd birthday, Watson credited Saturn (a planet about 887 million miles from Earth) for helping her “learn more about love and being a woman.”

Fortunately, she included a swaggering list of her professional and personal accomplishments to date: from directing her first commercial to establishing a women’s environmental investment fund, all of which ended with a big thank you to the booth’s paymaster, Prada.

But it’s not just Gwynnie: often on her own planet, Harry Potter star Emma Watson (pictured) is a case in point, taking a cue from Adele and Katy Perry to cite the influence of ‘Saturn’s Return’ on her life .

As I say, (tarot) cards on the table, I confess I’m not entirely immune to the outlandish allure of the horoscope. But I’m talking about very small and skeptical doses.

Because that’s where it should end.

Many people probably hate me for saying it, but astrology shouldn’t be more than a mystical whim, and it certainly is. No a set of rules for living your life.

It’s time we all got a sense of perspective and stopped relying on fictitious forecasts to solve our personal crises.