A relationship advisor and sex therapist has answered the most common couples' questions – and revealed how a sexless relationship can be resolved.
Matty Silver – who is the author of the new book Sex Down Under – revealed that although you may think there is a & # 39; magic number & # 39; For the amount of sex you should have, this actually depends on so many different factors.
& # 39; I always tell my customers that there is no & # 39; is normally & # 39;, & # 39; Matty said to FEMAIL.
A relationship advisor and sex therapist has answered the most common couples' questions – and revealed how a sexless relationship can be resolved (stock image)
& # 39; It sounds simple, but there are no right answers. The sex life of a couple is influenced by so many different factors – age, lifestyle, the health of each partner and sex drive, and especially the quality of their relationship. & # 39;
Matty Silver (photo) said there was no & # 39; normal & # 39; amount is for how much sex you should have
She said the question & # 39; how much sex is normal? & # 39; often appears when a pair of so-called & # 39; mismatched libidos & # 39; has.
& # 39; For example, if the woman likes having sex four times a week and he only once or twice, they want to find out who the abnormal is, & # 39; Matty told FEMAIL.
& # 39; It is not unusual for couples to have different levels of desire because it is not so normal to find a partner with the same sex drive. & # 39;
The relationship expert explained that she has encountered happy couples who have sex every day, once a week or once a month because & # 39; it's not a matter of quantity, but of quality & # 39 ;.
& # 39; More important than the frequency of sex is how satisfied couples are with their sex lives, & # 39; she said.
& # 39; Less sex does not automatically mean less love, happiness and satisfaction, especially for couples who have been together for a long time.
& # 39; Instead, companionship, trust, and mutual trust are often more important than tons of steamy sex. & # 39;
One of the biggest problems Matty said she encountered is & # 39; sexual jealousy & # 39; – of which she said she will often stifle and poison a relationship (stock image)
Matty is the author of a new book, Sex Down Under (photo)
Elsewhere in her work, Matty said she has encountered dozens of relationship complaints – from mismatched libidos to sexual jealousy.
& # 39; Sexual jealousy is a big problem, & # 39; she said. & # 39; It will stifle and poison a relationship.
& # 39; Some people are so scared that their partner cheats that they use social media such as Facebook to keep checking which friends their partners are talking to.
& # 39; Sometimes they even insist that they have access to their partners' emails and mobile phones. & # 39;
Matty said the best way to deal with this problem is to realize that jealousy often has a lot to do with self-respect.
& # 39; If you are happy with yourself, you think much sooner: why would my partner want someone else if they are lucky enough to have me?
& # 39; A healthy ego is the best protection against jealousy.
For those who want to resolve a sexless relationship, the counselor has some top tips.
How can you resolve a sexless relationship?
* A sexless relationship is defined as having sex less than 10 times a year.
* Talk about your problems and resolve any problems between you.
* Go to a therapist if nothing changes between you and your partner.
& # 39; It's hard enough to talk about your sex life, but admitting you don't have one at all can be embarrassing, & # 39; she said.
& # 39; And couples often think they are the only ones with this problem. & # 39;
Matty said a relationship without sex is defined as having sex less than 10 times a year – and the first step to dealing with it about your problems.
& # 39; When I talk to customers in a non-sex relationship, my advice is: start solving the problems before it's too late, & she said.
& # 39; If couples don't solve their problems, sooner or later resentment will come up and intimacy and sex will deteriorate. & # 39;
If problems cannot be discussed together, she recommends that you consult a therapist's expert.
& # 39; Not all sexless relationships are doomed, & # 39; she added.
& # 39; Sometimes you only need the help of experts, so that you learn the skills to communicate openly and directly about your feelings, problems and concerns. & # 39;
How can cheating help save a relationship?
* Throwing a partner out of the house after finding out that you are cheating is never a good idea, especially if children are involved.
* Once you've discovered it, calm down and tell as few people as possible.
* People don't often cheat because they plan to hurt their partner – they just feel undervalued or long for intimacy.
* Try to understand an affair and how it happened. This can help to provide clarity and answers to the questions that a couple may find unanswered.
* Try to deconstruct the case instead of blaming it.
* Go to the origin of where the infidelity started and make decisions about your relationship in the future.
Finally, the relationship expert revealed that although they are not pro-cheating, there are sometimes times when an affair can help a relationship.
& # 39; It is a terrible shock when someone discovers that his or her partner has been unfaithful – and the immediate response is usually a combination of disbelief and anger, & # 39; said Matty.
But instead of immediately flying off the handle, she said instead that you should try to calm down.
& # 39; Don't tell anyone about it, maybe just a good friend, & # 39; she said.
Matty added that it is often not a good idea to throw a partner out of the house after an affair, especially if children are involved.
& # 39; There is a fairly ruthless attitude toward infidelity in Australia, which in my opinion is harmful and leads couples to divorce and make children suffer & # 39 ;, she said.
& # 39; Various European countries have a more acceptable attitude and have lower divorce rates. & # 39;
Matty emphasized that often with relationships, the person does not intend to hurt his partner – they just feel undervalued and may desire intimacy.
& # 39; I believe there are times when an affair can save and even strengthen a marriage or relationship, & # 39; she said.
& # 39; Starting to understand an affair and how it happened can help clarify and provide answers to the many questions that a few may not have answered yet.
& # 39; This is not about assigning the debt, but a time to deconstruct the case and find out where the roots of unfaithfulness began. & # 39;
Finally, she said, once you have discovered the core of cheating, it is important to try to make decisions together about how your relationship can best proceed.
Sex Down Under from Matty Silver, New Holland Publishers, RRP $ 29.99, is available at all good bookstores or online at www.newhollandpublishers.com.
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