Home Travel Is this new Dubai hotel the craziest of all? Jennifer Lopez is one of the first guests. The Mail follows in its footsteps to enjoy a 17-button toilet and a bathtub big enough for three

Is this new Dubai hotel the craziest of all? Jennifer Lopez is one of the first guests. The Mail follows in its footsteps to enjoy a 17-button toilet and a bathtub big enough for three

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Ed Grenby among first paying guests to visit new One&Only One Za'abeel resort

Who knows what Jennifer Lopez did with the Quality Street bowl in her hotel room.

The star pocketed £3.9 million for singing and staying at the opening of One&Only One Za’abeel last month.

But when I arrived four days later – among the first paying guests to visit Dubai’s new ultra-luxurious resort – I was surprised to find complimentary orange creams, green triangles and purples among the champagnes and single malts from my minibar.

The West Yorkshire-made treats aren’t the strangest perk on offer.

While its sister property, Atlantis The Royal, offers gold-plated toothbrushes to its customers, One&Only One Za’abeel goes further.

Ed Grenby among first paying guests to visit new One&Only One Za'abeel resort

Ed Grenby among first paying guests to visit new One&Only One Za’abeel resort

View from the sofa in one of the rooms at the ultra-luxurious Dubai resort

View from the sofa in one of the rooms at the ultra-luxurious Dubai resort

View from the sofa in one of the rooms at the ultra-luxurious Dubai resort

A suite includes a free cocktail for eight people, writes Ed

A suite includes a free cocktail for eight people, writes Ed

A suite includes a free cocktail for eight people, writes Ed

Some suites have soundproof walls and recording facilities; others give guests a free “longevity analysis index” upon arrival (no, me neither); one, at £22,500 a night, even offers a “mancave” for guests.

My favorite would probably be the one that includes a free cocktail for eight people – if only I’d remembered to bring seven friends with me.

As it stands, I’m staying in a simple “room” – although it’s still ridiculously luxurious, with a walk-in closet, a sofa with so many soft cushions that I have to remove eight of them to sit down, a toilet with 17 buttons. to control its “intimate cleaning” functions, and a bath large enough for three people.

It’s best not to speculate on which of these luxuries attracted more than Naomi Campbell, Idris Elba, David Gandy or Emma Radacanu, who joined J-Lo during the hotel’s opening weekend.

This bath, with its view of Dubai’s glittering sci-fi skyline, is a highlight of its 53 floors.

The hotel is located in one of two 300m-tall towers, meaning guests can admire ant-sized cars speeding along the 12-lane highway below.

The hotel is located in one of two 300m-tall towers, meaning guests can admire ant-sized cars speeding along the 12-lane highway below.

The hotel is located in one of two 300m-tall towers, meaning guests can admire ant-sized cars speeding along the 12-lane highway below.

1711137654 918 Is this new Dubai hotel the craziest of all Jennifer

1711137654 918 Is this new Dubai hotel the craziest of all Jennifer

Ed stays in “a simple room” at the hotel – although it’s still ridiculously more, he says

Ed's hotel bath offers views of Dubai's glittering sci-fi skyline

Ed's hotel bath offers views of Dubai's glittering sci-fi skyline

Ed is surprised to find free Quality Street chocolates among the champagnes and single malts in his minibar.

Ed is surprised to find free Quality Street chocolates among the champagnes and single malts in his minibar.

LEFT: Ed’s hotel bath offers views of Dubai’s glittering sci-fi skyline. RIGHT: The writer is surprised to find free Quality Street chocolates among the champagnes and single malts in his minibar.

The hotel is located in one of two 300m-tall towers, meaning guests can admire ant-sized cars speeding along the 12-lane highway below.

But that also means I spend a lot of time in elevators. (Security measures mean you have to change elevators to get from your room to restaurants and bars.)

And while One &Only One Za’abeel is more convenient to Dubai’s business district than the beach, don’t leave your swimsuit at home.

On the 4th floor is a palm tree-lined swimming pool with hot and cold servers. It’s a beautiful place – and in the private area, Campbell/Gandy types can relax hidden by thick palm fronds and a forbidden door for an extra hundred euros.

A bathroom with sinks for him and her in one of the hotel's rooms

A bathroom with sinks for him and her in one of the hotel's rooms

A bathroom with sinks for him and her in one of the hotel’s rooms

Better yet is the hotel’s spectacular 27th-floor infinity pool — 200 meters long and 100 meters high in the air, atop the world’s longest cantilever bridge. It has cabanas, swim-up bars and a Japanese-Peruvian club bar and restaurant.

There are 11 restaurants. It’s true, there is a certain stupidity: fortune telling in Thai DuangDy; from straitjacketed waiters to avant-garde StreetXO; and a late-night “snacks” menu at Sphere that features a £2,500 portion of caviar.

After a few days I’m half a stone heavier, 100% happier, and my carry-on is largely made up of stolen Quality Street.

I bet if you checked J-Lo’s, hers would be too.

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