- Narcissists want to be idealized and admired, so they will perform as well as possible.
- Sex is often used as a tool to manipulate the other party and make them stay.
- READ MORE: Dating expert reveals how to spot if YOU are dating a NARCISSIST
If you find yourself in a new and exciting relationship with a highly qualified lover who takes over the bedroom, you may feel like you’ve hit the jackpot.
But psychologists warn that you could be sharing your bed with a narcissist.
Narcissists want to be idealized and admired by others, which can make them eager to please in the bedroom.
They typically take the dominant role and prefer a position of power that can be exciting to the non-narcissistic partner.
Narcissists use sex as a means to seek validation and admiration from their partner. They do not take constructive criticism well and generally have little concern for their partner’s needs.
The narcissist can go from cold to hot during a sexual encounter and back to cold when it’s over, further confusing and devaluing his or her partner, which is why relationship experts urge people to pay attention to how their partners behave outside of sexual activities.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, clinical psychologist and author, said USA Today: ‘Some people will say: ‘This relationship is a nightmare, but because of the sex.’ They will say: “Sex is great, but this person is horrible to me, she is callous, cold, dismissive and unempathetic. But they are really good in bed.”
‘Narcissistic people are very sensitive to rewards: they like things that make them feel good and often don’t think about the consequences. So sex is the quintessential narcissistic ground game.
Often, sex will also feel very performative with a “porn environment,” according to Dr. Durvasula.
She said: “It’s very ‘Look at me’ sex.”
They usually take on a dominant role in the bedroom because for them, sex is about power and exerting it over the other partner.
Narcissists crave validation and performing well in bed is a means to achieve it.
But that doesn’t mean they will accept constructive criticism to improve in the future and get closer to their partner.
If one partner says, even respectfully, that they don’t like something the other narcissist did, the latter may use it against them, with phrases like “You never had a problem with that before” or “I only did that.” because you’re not exciting enough.’
And the push and pull of a narcissist’s love affects the brain at a cellular level.
When an intimate partner gets close, the other’s brain triggers a surge of dopamine and oxytocin, creating feelings of pleasure and intimacy.
But when the narcissist pulls away again, the other person may withdraw from these chemicals, leading to feelings of anxiety and distress.
The constant ebb and flow of tenderness in a relationship can foster a traumatic bond typically seen between an abuser and his victim.
They are not interested in genuine human connection and may care more about meeting their needs than those of their partner.
Dr. Durvasula said, “They use you when they need something and put you back on the shelf when they’re done.”
“That’s why they can be hot and heavy one minute and completely negligent the next, because it’s not about intimacy, it’s about control.”