Oh men, you precious sweaty, hairy, grunting creatures. You may be beautiful and good at building things with your bare hands, but sometimes you can make mistakes.
You see, there is an old sexual belief that you have been carrying forever that is just wrong, wrong, wrong.
In fact, the sex industry, with all its ridiculous lotions and potions, has taken you for an absolute ride and many of you have spent a lot of money for nothing!
This became evident Monday evening following another juicy edition of my “Tell me a Saucy Secret” Instagram quiz.
One man wrote saying: “I am the proud owner of a big c**k. We’re talking huge!! I married my high school sweetheart and my biggest regret is not letting more women experience it.
We women much prefer your regular penis. Can we finally dispel once and for all the myth that women seek out giants. It’s just not true
Now, as someone who saw one (okay, two!) particularly large ones, I wasn’t exactly impressed by this confession. In fact, just thinking about it made my thighs tighten.
So I decided to include a survey that asked the question: Are big companies overrated?
Over the next 24 hours, votes came thick and fast. With many, many men asking me to post the final tally. Everyone was impatiently awaiting the result.
Drum roll please… A whopping 76 percent of people (mostly women) voted YES!
It turns out that we women much prefer your regular penis. Can we finally dispel once and for all the myth that women seek out giants. This is simply not true.
You see, what men seem to forget is that big projects require a lot of preparation. To start, we’re going to need a lot of lube, then there’s friction to deal with, and don’t even get me started on the friction. Ouch!
Plus, if you expect us to hit the big O, you might have to distract us from our breathing exercises just to get the damn thing in.
I speak from experience. See, the second guy I slept with had a giant one. Now I had only spotted another one in front of him, who, upon reflection, was actually quite large as well – no wonder it took me so long to lose my virginity.
But for the second one, damn it, I needed all the enthusiasm in the world just to prepare for it. But I really liked this guy, so I accepted the challenge.
Unfortunately, our favorite Sex and the City cast member, Samantha Jones, had led me to believe that this would be a pleasant and upsetting experience. It was not. I was too busy in my head trying to navigate this new terrain that I couldn’t lie back and enjoy it.
I persisted because, like I said, the crush was real. Unfortunately, the situation never really improved. Eventually, I had to give it up because sex is an important part of my relationships and I didn’t see any improvement on the horizon.
One of my best gay friends had the same experience. He is still sad thinking about his ex who was a “top” and simply way too tall. He said to me the other day, “Can you believe this is why we broke up!” not because of cheating, or too much fighting, just a throbbing member that was far from…well…throbbing!
And it’s not just the oblong objects attached to men that we prefer mid-length. According to a recent survey conducted by online sex toy retailer Lovehoney, the preferred size for a dildo is 6 inches (15.24 cm). Hardly giant.
So for all you guys out there who are constantly worrying about not packing enough down there, relax. You can stop buying flashy cars and waving your black Amex around to try to distract us. We don’t want them to be big. We want nice, regular sized ones.
If you expect us to hit the big O, you might have to distract us from our breathing exercises just to get the damn thing in.
What we really care about is whether you know how to use it. Oh, and cleanliness. Always cleanliness.
Just like men have varying tastes when it comes to women’s bodies: some like big asses, others like small ones. Others prefer giant tits, others like perkier little boobies. Women are exactly the same.
Therefore, BDE should be reserved for the mind, not your pants. Now come on guys and enjoy your mid-range schlongs, because we certainly do.
LEARN MORE: War of the Fools! Data reveals average penis size around the world