A wife has revealed her exasperation with her husband for suggesting they foot the bill for her stepson at an upcoming birthday dinner.
The woman took to British parenting forum Mumsnet to share her annoyance at having to pay for dinner for a family of six with three adult children, and claimed they are all “older now, aged 24-28 and all working”.
The mother of five shares a blended family with her husband – who has three adult children from his first marriage. She added that her youngest child will celebrate his birthday next week, and to celebrate the occasion, the large family was planning a night out.
However, her eldest stepson declined the invitation due to lack of funds – which was “no big deal” for the publisher who decided instead to welcome him to come and have cake with the family another day.
The anonymous woman said she was surprised when her partner disagreed and suggested they pay the bill in full so as not to miss out on family time.
A woman took to British parenting forum Mumsnet to share her annoyance at having to pay for dinner for a family of six with three adult children (stock photo)
The post garnered more than 300 comments, with many demanding that the stepson pay for it, while others criticized the mother for being “cheap”.
She said: My husband and I have two children.
He has three from his first marriage and I have a good relationship with my three stepchildren. There are no problems.
“They’re older now, 24-28. They’re all working. We tend to go out to eat on birthdays, nothing fancy just running into each other even if we’re at a bar.”
When the older kids were students, we were pushing. They are all working now and have partners who are working too. Since they were all at work, we all agreed that they would pay for their meals their own way.
One mother asked if it was fair to pay for her adult son’s meal at an upcoming birthday dinner
“After all, paying for six adults (including partners) is a huge blow to our pockets and we can’t afford it.”
“Next week is my youngest’s birthday and we arranged a meal one evening but one of my in-laws said he couldn’t come because he couldn’t afford it.”
“I said, fair enough, come on over the weekend and I’ll make a cake and you can party with them afterward.”
I think you can either come or not, it doesn’t matter. After all sometimes others miss when they are at work or busy.
Many respondents took the mother’s side and said that her adult stepson should pay in his own way
“My husband doesn’t agree, he thinks we should pay for my son so he doesn’t miss out on family time.” I say it is unfair to treat one and not all. We can’t pay everyone.
She asked the forum for advice on the situation and respondents were quick to sympathize with her plight.
One said, “I think that’s fair enough of what you said. We’ve always gone to family members’ birthdays, but it’s so expensive now, we have home-cooked meals. Still expensive, but maybe less than half the price where you can save on wine.” Is it time to do that instead if there are a lot of you and you’re thinking about costs?
Another added: ‘You’re not irrational. I guarantee they have £25 spare if they work – they just prioritize spending on other things.
A third said: What you said is good. They are adults, not children.
While a fourth said, “Your sons prioritized their spending elsewhere. Your response was absolutely exemplary. After all, you could have called out to them not to prioritize family.”
However, some have scolded the mother for being “cheap” and asked if she would treat “herself” in the same way.
Many expressed concern about the post and even wondered if women would treat “their own” in the same way.
Someone said: I will pay. Would you do the same with yourself?
Another said, “I will pay them on this occasion.”
A third added: “I think it’s a bit sad if the whole family can’t be there because it’s a ‘special occasion'”. I guess if it was just a casual Sunday lunch out I wouldn’t pay, but since it’s a family Christmas I’d want to Everyone is there if possible, so I’ll either pay or I’ll have a family meal/celebration at Pete’.
Another warned that a woman would one day reap what she sowed: ‘I find these threads very frustrating how cheap fathers are towards their children and children. No wonder young people have so many problems now. I can’t imagine letting someone miss out because they can’t afford it. Well reap what you sow I guess, don’t expect much when you’re old.