The topic of marriage first came up when I was 19 or 20, when my mother sat down at our house in Oldham and said ominously: “I need to talk to you.” He told me that my late grandmother had always wanted me to marry her nephew in Kashmir.
I had met him once or twice during a family visit to my grandparents’ town, although our conversations had been little more than an exchange of pleasantries.
He seemed decent and respectful. But I wanted to marry my second cousin? At all! The proposal was repugnant.
He was much older and didn’t speak English. He had lived his life in a rural town while I was born in the UK and studying at university. What would we have in common? I was surprised Mom had even suggested it.
Marriage was also a means for him to obtain a marital visa to England, get a job and send money home. How romantic. In fact, I remember Pakistani girls at my school who, shortly after completing their GCSEs, married a cousin from ‘back home’ for that reason.
Naturally I refused and nothing more was said. But I remembered the conversation – scandalous then, amusing now – from last week, when Conservative MP Richard Holden called for a ban on marriages between first cousins.
Isn’t it already prohibited? No. While marriage and sexual activity between siblings, parents and children is illegal, it is permitted between first cousins.
Holden argued that cousin marriages have been linked to a higher rate of birth defects and can also “reinforce negative structures and control women.”
Iram Ramzan opposes marriages between cousins and is surprised that they are not prohibited
Last week, Conservative MP Richard Holden, bottom left, called for a ban on marriages between first cousins.
But Iqbal Mohamed, the independent MP for Dewsbury and Batley, opposed Holden’s proposal and said that while “women’s freedom must be protected at all times”, he did not believe banning cousin marriages was “effective or enforceable.” “.
He said the practice – “extremely common” in the Middle East and South Asia – is “a very positive thing” because it “helps build family bonds and put families in a more secure financial position”.
Mohamed stressed that marriages between cousins should not be stigmatized. Well, actually yes, they should be stigmatized. I find it depressing that in the 21st century this is even a matter of debate.
Where was this conversation decades ago, when more than half of British Pakistanis married their first or second cousins?
By tiptoeing around the issue for so long – no doubt for fear of trampling on cultural sensitivities – we have condemned dozens of children to birth defects for being born to two consanguineous parents.
This must not continue. Of course, I’m not blind to the fact that coming from a family where cousin marriages were the norm, half of us wouldn’t exist! Nor do I generally believe that the State should interfere in people’s relationships.
However, the Government must intervene in this matter.
There are many cultural imports to Britain from Pakistan that can be applauded, but cousin marriage is not one of them. In Pakistan, 62 percent of unions are “consanguineous” (between blood relatives) – the highest proportion in the world – as the practice thrives in tribal societies where people identify more with their clan than with their country.
While marrying within the family certainly strengthens tribal bonds, it creates cultural silos where thinking about the nation is relegated in favor of what is best for the tribe. These societies are largely conservative where interaction between the two genders is limited. Western-style dating is not recommended and marriages are arranged by parents.
Sadly, I have witnessed in my own family men and women forced to stay in unhappy marriages so as not to be accused of causing a breakup.
There is also a religious element, as Islam does not prohibit the practice. Fatima, the daughter of the Prophet Muhammad, married Ali, her father’s cousin. That is why many supporters of this type of marriage are reluctant to avoid the practice; they would see it as “un-Islamic.” Furthermore, as Holden alluded to, cousin marriages can be a way of exerting coercive control.
Too many women from the subcontinent have married British men of Pakistani descent only to find themselves glorified servants in charge of caring for their elderly in-laws. A ban could potentially protect the most vulnerable women.
Iqbal Mohamed, the independent MP for Dewsbury and Batley, does not believe banning cousin marriages is “effective or enforceable”.
But the biggest objection to cousin marriages (and the reason they make headlines) is because of the health risks.
Of every 100 babies born to related couples, six have a genetic disease, while the figure is three in every 100 among those born to unrelated parents. Problems include blindness, deafness, blood disorders, heart or kidney failure, lung and liver problems and complex neurological disorders, all of which cost the NHS millions of pounds.
Aisha Ali-Khan was one of seven children born to Pakistani parents in the former industrial town of Keighley, West Yorkshire.
Sadly, three of his siblings died young: his twin brother was only two years old, another was four years old, and the third had cerebral palsy and did not live to be 18 years old. All of the children were born with serious health problems, such as hearing impairment and epilepsy, and required mobility aids such as wheelchairs or strollers. Because? His parents were first cousins.
Aisha credits the Born In Bradford (BIB) research study for highlighting the magnitude of the problem in Britain. He set out to discover why so many children born in the Yorkshire town died young or had profound disabilities.
Between 2007 and 2010, a total of 12,453 pregnant women were recruited for the project. Researchers found that while 1.7 per cent of babies in England and Wales are born with a birth defect, the figure in Bradford was 3 per cent. Within the Pakistani subgroup, 77 percent of people with birth defects were born to parents in consanguineous marriages.
The biggest problem arises when generation after generation continues to marry cousins, which can lead to more serious illnesses.
In 2021, Birmingham City Council announced an emergency task force to investigate high levels of infant mortality after it emerged that newborn deaths were double the national average.
Their report found that a fifth of child deaths were due to consanguineous marriages. Babies of Pakistani and South Asian descent were disproportionately affected: one in 188 stillborn compared to one in 295 white babies.
However, there is hope that this abhorrent practice is disappearing as younger Muslims eschew the outdated traditions of their parents and health problems become more widely known.
In 2023, a BIB project follow-up study found that 46 per cent of babies born in Bradford had related fathers (compared to 62 per cent a decade earlier). The drop was steepest in a subgroup of UK-born mothers: from 60 percent to 36 percent. Still, too many babies are at increased risk for birth defects.
Only by making cousin marriages a criminal offense can we rid Britain of this pernicious practice. It will give vulnerable daughters of authoritarian parents the confidence to say no.
If that draws the ire of keyboard warriors who feel it’s culturally insensitive or even racist to do so, so be it. Would they marry their own cousins or allow their children to do so? Somehow I doubt it.