Indian brave, courtesan, slave and & # 39; the world's loudest snorer: LOTS OF LIFE: AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY BY STEPHANIE BEACHAM

Indian brave, courtesan, slave and & # 39; the world's loudest snorer

LOTS OF LIFE: AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY FROM STEPHANIE BEACHAM (Hay House £ 15.99)

Spiritual side: actress Stephanie Beacham

Spiritual side: actress Stephanie Beacham

It takes a while to get into this book, because first you have to navigate through a prologue and not one but two prefaces, the first through the author's 11-year-old grandson, who reveals that at 4 o'clock & # 39; Stephanie Beacham green is skin, witch-like hair and gives him nightmares. But it is worth the wait because, unique to an autobiography, you not only have a lonely life, but a lot of it.

Stephanie is one of those people (mostly old actresses living in California) who have lived before. A visit to Versailles reduced her time as a courtesan during the ancien regime; touring Egypt, she remembered that she was an Israeli slave. In the Wild West she was an old Indian woman with sore feet. When she took mescaline once she looked in the mirror and saw her previous incarnation as a South American Indian.

She has always had a spiritual side. At her monastery in North London, little non-Catholic Stephanie spent so many hours watching a statue of the Virgin Mary that the teachers contacted her parents and suggested she was ready for conversion.

She has also had her part in what can also be called paranormal experiences. After an operation once & # 39; deceased & # 39 ;, she noticed she was floating above her bed and was then led to a bright light by four Franciscan monks. She was brought back to life just to be a few minutes away from placing a permanent colostomy bag. Fortunately, a friend advised her to visualize an injured kitten in her stomach, which did the trick; Stephanie passed and the bag was not needed. Phew!

Another time she tried a & # 39; personal healing, diagnostic and wellness system & # 39; derived from non-earthly people. She had a vision in which she was poked by a French doctor who was very similar to Hercule Poirot.

On stage in & # 39; Masterclass & # 39; with Maria Callas (& # 39; What David Beckham was to play football, Maria Callas was to operate & # 39;), the dead diva popped up next to her and started bickering in her ear in Greek. Stephanie was so shocked she couldn't talk for two days.

Unfortunately – or perhaps spooky – Maria chose her left ear. Stephanie has always been deaf in her right, a handicap she bravely fought to become a leading actress, but also on television in Tenko, the Colbys and as another notch on Ken Barlow's bed style in Corrie. She also appeared on the big screen opposite Marlon Brando in his worst film. Apparently Brando was enthusiastic about mouthwash. On Celebrity Big Brother, her snoring was so spectacularly loud that it was sold as a ringtone on eBay.

Stephanie is a postmodernist writer who is absent from a conventional, chronological description of her 64 years and allows the reader to take on the puzzle task of bringing together randomly dotted – and pointed – facts. She went to RADA, married actor John McEnery, had two daughters, was divorced and existed as a single mother on poached eggs and spinach.

This would be the perfect Christmas gift for someone who loves books from lovely and ticking old actresses, but who already has the complete work of Shirley MacLaine.

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