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An expert warns singles about the ‘dark psychology’ tricks narcissists use to win them over and trap them.
Dr. Annie Wright, a relational trauma specialist, revealed five tricks these individuals use to get what they want without their partner realizing they are being manipulated.
These signs could include overdoing it with affection, creating situations that provoke jealousy, and isolating yourself from other relationships.
Wright advised that by understanding what warning signs to look out for, you can know when it’s time to cut your losses and run.
There are five warning signs you may be overlooking that show someone is using dark psychology against you, including excessive affection, gaslighting, and withdrawing from friends and family.
Dr. Wright has been a therapist for 12 years and uses her own experience of relational trauma to help “adult children of parents with mood and personality disorders work through their painful pasts.”
He said people use psychological techniques to manipulate or deceive their partners in order to get what they want from the relationship more quickly.
These people will manipulate, guilt trip, and abuse affection to trick their partner into believing they are doing something they want.
However, “what you’re doing is fundamentally not getting what you want, which is a relationship based on trust and reciprocity,” Dr. Wright said. Business Insider.
1. They go overboard with their affection.
When you enter into a “love bombing” relationship, you may find that your partner showers you with love, care, and praise.
The person will begin “showering you with excessive attention and affection early and often to gain your trust and dependence,” Wright said.
“The love bomber may seem like the perfect match, but in reality, they’re creating a false vibe to make it seem like they’re the right person for you,” said Tinder relationship expert Devyn Simone. Cosmopolitan.
This could include planning extravagant outings, sending endless loving messages and flowers just days after meeting you, or declaring his love for you after a few weeks.
If after two weeks, you and your partner are already calling each other “soulmates,” “your person,” or “your other half,” these could be red flags, according to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.
2. Your partner is gradually belittling you
Another trick of dark psychology is to slowly put you down with subtle comments that may seem helpful, but in reality are slowly tearing you down.
Also called “negging,” it is a manipulative tactic to undermine someone’s confidence by forcing them to seek validation through comments like, “You’re pretty cute for someone who doesn’t take care of themselves.”
The initial feeling of being on a pedestal will begin to fade as your partner makes suggestions like you should go to the gym or improve your appearance in some way.
This could cause serious damage to their physical and mental health, Dr Wright warned, telling Insider: “It’s a basic, fundamental human need to feel attached.
“When something happens that threatens that attachment, we organize ourselves in ways that try to get it back.”
3. They isolate you from your friends and family.
If your partner demands that you only spend time alone with him instead of going out with friends or getting together with family, this could be another sign of dark psychology, Dr. Wright warned.
By isolating you from other relationships, your partner has greater power and control over the relationship and uses isolation to undermine your life, your identity outside the relationship, and foster a feeling of dependency.
4. Create situations that provoke jealousy
Manipulators love to “introduce a third party into the relationship dynamic to create jealousy and competition,” Dr. Wright told Insider.
The dark manipulator might suggest how attractive another person is, suggesting that their partner is not good enough, or creating a feeling of jealousy that makes them feel like they are not good enough.
It’s a tactic used to make a person “feel insecure and anxious about proving their worth,” Dr. Wright said.
5. You are often “gaslighted”
Gaslighting causes the person to question the validity of their arguments, making them wonder if they were not remembering conversations or events correctly.
It leaves the person disoriented and questioning everything they thought they knew about a situation, giving control to their abuser.
“When you’re off balance and disoriented, that can make you more susceptible to other seeds or agendas that are planted,” Wright told Insider.
Gaslighting behaviors may include lying about what happened by telling you that you are “crazy” or “making things up,” and they may minimize your thoughts and feelings by saying “you are overreacting” or asking “why are you so sensitive?”
It’s important to distinguish the difference between someone who is misleading you and someone who simply remembers an event differently.
Dr. Wright said a good way to tell the difference for someone who doesn’t gaslight is to consider whether the person is willing to listen to your perspective or can admit when they are at fault.
How to get out of a “dark psychology” relationship
Leaving an abuser who uses dark psychology can be difficult because it keeps their victims attached by forcing them to seek validation and approval.
If this happens, you should take certain steps to protect yourself, including educating yourself about manipulation, setting clear boundaries with your partner, or seeking help from a therapist.
“Good relationships feel good,” said psychologist Dr. Alaina Tiani Cleveland Health Clinic.
“If it seems too good to be true, it’s probably a sign that something is going on. It’s important that when those feelings come to the surface, you tune into them rather than push them aside.”
If you need to escape but are unsure how to do so, the National Domestic Violence Helpline encourages people to reach out for support when they need it by calling: 1-800-799-7233.