A woman is considering leaving her longtime partner because of the ‘strange’ relationship she has with her mother.
The girlfriend said her partner James becomes a “passive and meek” man when he is around his domineering mother Tina and will do what she tells him.
She and James will talk about their life together and be on the same page, but if Tina doesn’t agree, James will take his mother’s side and fire his girlfriend.
The woman added that James will have long phone conversations with his mother every day and that if she cannot attend her and James’ weekly visit, Tina will make snide comments.
She is desperate for her potential mother-in-law and has asked her if it is worth continuing her relationship with James, who she says is otherwise “adorable and decent.”
An Australian woman said she is “on the verge” of breaking up with her boyfriend James because of his “unusual” relationship with his mother Tina (file image)
‘I love James, I do, but do I love him enough to deal with the strange family dynamic?’ Honestly, I don’t know anymore,” the bride wrote in a letter to everyone has a secret podcast.
The woman said she has a great relationship with James but is “about” to leave him because of his “unusual” relationship with Tina.
“James is overall a very decent and lovable man, I’m with him for a reason, but as soon as his mother Tina appears in the picture, he turns into a passive and meek little boy,” she explained.
“He’s not a 31-year-old man with his mother and that makes me sick, which is a problem since we’re pretty close to her.”
If the woman and Tina disagree on something, James will take her side and defend what she said instead of backing up his girlfriend.
One time, the three of them were talking about baby names and the idea that she and James might one day have children.
‘Tina asked me what I like, I told her Tom and I told her I like the flow of a one-syllable name like Tom with our last names separated by hyphens. Well, she almost had a heart attack at that idea,’ the woman said.
“She was condescending and cruel and said things like, ‘You’re not really going to torture the poor kid with a double surname, are you?’ I was stunned.’
The woman said James’ reaction to her mother’s objections left her “boiling.”
“James, despite having agreed with me many times behind closed doors that I have every right to give my last name to my future child, that I will give birth to the child and carry him in my body for nine months, remained silent,” she said. .
“He didn’t say a word in my defense, he didn’t bother to tell Tina that he actually agreed with the plan. In fact, he said, ‘I know mom’ in response to her at one point.
The bride and James also plan to buy a house together, but he lets Tina interfere in their decision.
James only wants us to buy townhouses in areas that Tina considers safe. Interestingly, all the suburbs are within a 15-minute radius of her house. “None of these suburbs are close to our friends or our workplaces,” she stated.
When they find a place they like online, James immediately sends it to his mother.
‘Then he calls her on FaceTime when we’re doing the inspection or she comes over. When I pointed out that this was annoying, James said that it made sense because his mother has a good eye,” the frustrated girlfriend said.
He added that James will call his mother every day and the conversations will last at least 20 minutes each time.
“Tina uses her loneliness as a weapon against us and seems to have an unspoken rule that we see her at least once a week,” he said.
‘If I ever point out that I can’t come or that I just don’t want to, she’ll text me something irritating or attention-seeking like ‘Have I done something to hurt you?’ She is suffocating.
The woman admitted Tina “hasn’t had the easiest time” and was left distraught when her husband, James’ father, left her for a family friend.
“The experience made her bitter toward men her age and very needy toward her son,” she said.
However, he doesn’t want Tina to get so involved in their relationship and wonders if it’s worth continuing.
‘Is it fair or justified for a family member to be the deciding factor? Should I stay or should I go? she asked.
The girlfriend’s dilemma irritated many listeners who said she should leave James as soon as possible and that family members are a “valid” reason to end a relationship.
‘Your SILENCE is your RESPONSE. RUN! DO NOT have children with this man child,’ said one woman.
If he can’t take your side now, he never will. You will be in a three-way relationship,” another agreed.
‘OMG, this is a thrupple… with his MOTHER. Get out now, don’t waste any more time. Once marriage and children are involved, you will be in HELL 24/7. “Their relationship is incredibly codependent,” a third responded.
Others thought he should give James a chance and have a frank conversation with him about how he behaves around his mother.
‘You should sit down and have a serious conversation with him about setting serious boundaries with his mother. If you’re not comfortable with that, well…’ one user suggested.
“I would give him a chance to get counseling and if he refuses then I would leave,” said a second.
But not everyone saw any problems in James and Tina’s relationship.
‘Italian families see each other at least once a week, usually two or three times. “There is nothing wrong with having a united family, it takes a village to raise a child, we are all losing something special,” said one woman.
