I’m a travel writer – and here’s why on your Easter flight you can recline your seat and ask to swap seats (and why no, you’re NOT going to get upgraded because you ironed your shirt)

When did air travel become such a brain-melting minefield?

These days, even the simple act of flying from point A to point B leaves many travelers nearly paralyzed with paranoia, their heads filled with a fog of etiquette-related anxieties, from the question of whether whether they can ask someone to swap seats or whether or not they should recline their seat. seats and whether they should say anything to the parent of the screaming baby.

I’m MailOnline’s travel editor and I’m here to remind you that holidays are supposed to be fun to begin with – and to offer you some simple tips on the do’s and don’ts of your flight.

And why not, I’m afraid you won’t be upgraded because you ironed your shirt.

What do you hate about airplanes? Vote in the poll below…

SEAT EXCHANGE

As with most social interactions in life, being polite and firm is key.

It’s perfectly fine to ask someone to swap seats if you’ve been separated from loved ones – but don’t expect your request to be fulfilled.

Nuts and bolts – smile and be calm and non-confrontational. Gently explain your reasons for wanting to swap, give the other person the opportunity to say no – and make sure you don’t brazenly expect your fellow traveler to downgrade.

The transfer currently being negotiated should concern an equivalent seat, or better. Not, for example, from a window to an aisle seat or, God forbid, from business class to economy or even premium economy.

It is also acceptable to decline a seat exchange request.

You’ve paid for your seat and, in all likelihood, chosen this particular berth to enjoy in-flight wine and pretzels. No passenger has the right to take you away.

How to say no? The best ploy is to explain politely and with a smile that you have paid for your place and that you do not wish to move.

If the requester seems particularly desperate, you can offer to speak to the cabin crew on their behalf to see if they can offer a solution.

RECLINABLE

Economy class seats can cause frustrating problems for the person behind them when in reclining mode: it can be difficult for them to get out, eat meals, and watch the entertainment screen.

But that doesn’t mean tilting is a no-no.

The tilt feature is there to be used. The solution? Simply turn around and ask the person behind if they mind if you bow.

And assume it won’t go over well during meal service.

NOISY BABIES AND CHILDREN – OFFER TO HELP

Guess what? You won’t be the only one on the plane. So don’t expect the atmosphere to resemble that of a Buddhist temple. Families will join you and that means mini-humans will express themselves in ways that might be irritating.

They tend not to favor whispering.

That said, yes, screaming babies and children can be irritating.

But here’s an idea: Instead of letting yourself be overcome by the rage that other humans have had the audacity to incite, try offering help to the parent who is having trouble keeping decibel levels at a level down. Distract their children. Offer some sympathy.

You’ll feel better, they’ll feel less embarrassed – and believe me, they are embarrassed – and you might end up making a friend or two.

UPGRADE

Those hopes for an upgrade? Let them float on the jetstream.

Even if you wear a suit, even if you give the flight attendant a big smile, you’re flying economy class.

Suck it up and enjoy the pretzels.

Wait, did you watch a TikTok video about reserving the back row and how that means you’re at the front of the queue to move to first class if there’s space?

You have been deceived.

Upgrades aren’t candy in a jar that cabin crew can hand out with abandon. Giving one without permission may result in disciplinary action.

The best way to get an upgrade is to earn it, accumulating status points with an airline. In fact, business and first class seats are offered in exchange for loyalty.

Does all this mean that dressing smart and being nice is a waste of time for those hoping to be taken to the end of the road?

Not enough.

As flight attendant Jay Robert said: “When I worked as a ground staff for a major US airline and had the authority to offer a free upgrade, and had no employees or passengers elite in waiting, my choice would be elderly passengers, someone. well dressed, or if I saw someone being a nice human in the door area.