With a dress size 18-20 and a lifetime of experience between the sheets, I can smugly say: Fit men prefer fat women. Don’t you believe me?
Well, at the age of 50, I still have a much richer sex life than many of my thinner friends. When we meet over glasses of wine, I often offer a sympathetic ear to those who bemoan their lack of action in the bedroom, and often it’s because their sexual self-confidence has plummeted as they’ve gotten older.
I have never had this problem. Although we older women are constantly told that we shouldn’t love our bodies, I can tell you that men certainly do, and my sexual self-esteem has always been through the roof because of it.
Having turned half a century, I am still happily swinging from the chandeliers with a (more or less new) man who, to our mutual delight, weighs considerably less than my 15 and a half kilos.
What is it that men find so irresistible? The obvious physical attributes, of course, but also my lack of complexes about them.
The men I’ve been with have never been concerned about my big breasts, my jiggling thighs, my jiggling buttocks, or my round belly. And that’s why I’ve never done it either.
In fact, despite what diet culture would have women believe, it’s these unstable parts that are so attractive to them. I once had a fit lover who had only dated skinny gym bunnies.
On our first night together, he stopped making love to marvel at my body, as if he were looking at a decadent dessert after a lifetime of salads. He told me I was the best lover he had had in years. We couldn’t get enough of each other.
Despite what diet culture would have women believe, it’s the very unstable parts that men find so attractive (file image)
My companions spanned all ages and physiques, although most of them were significantly lighter than me on the scales.
Many were conventionally tall and handsome; one couple was plump or short. Despite their differences, they all had one thing in common: they adored every wiggly part of me.
There was the entrepreneur, the architect, the lawyer, the tech nerd, the French sommelier, the rugby player, the yoga instructor, the bricklayer, some holiday adventures and many more.
I think it’s fair to say that I was always less critical when choosing a partner than some of my thinner friends who demanded all sorts of requirements be met, from height and hair color to bank balance and car. Not surprisingly, they had a lot less sex than I did.
I’ve had one-night stands and long-term relationships, but I don’t consider myself promiscuous: I consider myself liberated and empowered.
I wasn’t always so confident in my skin. I was a size 16 when I turned 16 and felt too self-conscious to even think about a boyfriend.
Growing up on a diet of rom-coms, I saw that the girls on screen who got the cute guys were skinny and flat-chested. Locked in my room, I spent hours looking at my posters of pop stars, wondering if someone like them would ever love someone like me.
When I was 20 years old, my dream came true when I fell in love with a beautiful and talented man I met in college. It took me some time to overcome my self-doubt and body image issues, but her love for every inch of me finally helped me accept my body. I have a lot to thank you for.
Anyone lucky enough to have had a formative sexual experience in which they feel like the most beautiful person on the planet, regardless of the number on their scale, will know that it prepares them for life.
In the end, we were too young to settle down, but we were together for three years and the relationship instilled in me a deep and lasting sense of sexual trust.
It is this sexual confidence that men cannot resist. Bigger women are better in bed and men love us for that, it’s our sexual superpower. They may not shout it publicly, but the taboo-breaking fact is that, in my experience, most men want a bigger woman in the bedroom.
Only one man on my list of conquests has ever dreamed of uttering a fat-shaming insult (more on him later). The rest have found my combination of curves and confidence quite intoxicating.
In my opinion, they are the best kind of men: men who defy the cultural pressures they grow up with just as much as women do.
Of course, there are some men who would never think of dating a bigger woman, that’s fine; We all have preferences. However, there is something irresistible about a man who can see beyond the conventional standard of beauty.
To me, it’s a delicious irony that while society tells me that my generous proportions are unattractive, I know otherwise: They actually create additional arousal between the sheets. I have very large H cup breasts, a wide soft butt and wide hips.
I may have dimples on my thighs and a soft tummy, but I’ve always had a pretty face, a receding waist, long hair, great skin, and naturally plump lips.
Society’s fixation on weight blinds us to the truth that passion and compatibility always exceed a number on the scale.
As a young, finally self-confident woman in her 20s, she had an insatiable lust for life and indulgence. When he wanted something, he looked for it with enthusiasm.
It turned out that this was a formidable combination that made me a magnet for men. I think my lack of control led to even more spontaneous and electrifying sex.
Exploring the sensual pleasures of a man’s body was, to me, like savoring a gourmet meal.
There is a school of thought that says that very pretty and thin women tend to be self-obsessed and tend not to be as generous in bed, because they believe that they alone are the prize and that that should be enough.
It’s certainly something my own lovers have commented on after experiencing my wild and enthusiastic approach to sex. I was once told that hugging was like snuggling next to a cloud of marshmallows. I understand. Surely it’s better to walk around with a bag of pillows than a bag of bones.
If we get down to the nitty-gritty, there are certain sexual positions that are less abrasive with a curvy woman. There’s also a lot more of me to move and bounce around during the throes of passion which, I discovered, turned men on even more.
For a laugh, I once went through the Kama Sutra with a partner and we had a fuss trying (and often failing) to understand its countless ridiculous positions. However, in the end, what really matters is a couple’s sexual chemistry and connection, not how long you can maintain a complicated sexual move.
I am also convinced that there is a biological correlation between better sex and larger women. Consider: The brain’s two main “feel-good” agents—the neurotransmitter dopamine and the “happy” chemical serotonin—are released during pleasurable activities, whether savoring a delicious meal or engaging in intimate encounters.
If the same neurochemical pathways are responsible for eating and sexual pleasure, it’s no wonder that those of us who have a big appetite for one often have a big appetite for the other.
Interestingly, I’ve noticed that regular orgasms have a weight loss effect and reduce my appetite for food, so the more sex I have, the easier it is to control my weight. Ironic, that.
As for my physical type, I don’t really have one. Not being judged or dismissed by men for my lack of thigh space and toned abs has helped me thrive and feel alive, so I would be a bit hypocritical if I rejected a man for having a few love handles. yours.
I liked to think of myself as an equal opportunity person; Within reason, I would be attracted to a certain energy or charm, rather than any particular physical attribute.
When I was 20 years old I had a lover with a public profile. He was bigger, but that never bothered me. Unfortunately, despite his charm, I struggled to connect with him sexually. I still greatly enjoyed his company and hoped that our sexual compatibility would improve over time.
But ironically, he is the only man who has ever commented on my size. It happened one morning while she was making coffee in her kitchen. I was wearing tight pants, so as he looked at my ample butt, he uttered the following sentence: “You really are quite big, aren’t you?”
Certainly rich coming from someone who, frankly, could do with losing a few pounds.
My size obviously disturbed him. Maybe that explained the frustrating sex?
Looking back, I’m not sure what was going through his mind: I finally discovered that his long-time ex was incredibly thin and, unfortunately, struggling with anorexia. I never spoke to him again.
Fortunately, I had a long-term relationship with the owner of a sun-kissed six-pack. We had an amazing sex life after I taught him a few things.
So I guess bigger is always better when it comes to female sexuality? Not quite.
While I’m convinced that women under a size 16 generally won’t be as good in bed as those of us who want to devour all of life’s pleasures, I also believe there’s a tipping point when it comes to fuller figures. . For me, that moment comes when a woman’s figure is more voluminous than curvy.
As you start to size up to a 22, 24, or 26, you inevitably start to lose things like waist definition. In such cases, I would suggest reducing carbohydrate consumption so as not to lose curves.
My point still stands, though: in a society obsessed with unrealistic body standards, it’s liberating to know that true desire transcends them. Ideals of beauty are woefully outdated and cling to narrow concepts that exclude the vibrant diversity of all our shapes and sizes.
Society’s fixation on weight blinds us to the truth that passion and compatibility always trump a number on the scale.
It’s time to celebrate love and lust in all their forms, recognizing that true sensuality is found in authenticity, not conformity.
The names and details have been changed. Fenwyn Hart is a pseudonym.
- A version of this article was originally published in the Mail on November 25.