Since the launch of social media and dating apps, the dating world has perhaps never been more exciting or exhausting, depending on who you ask.
From swiping to matching and then weeks, and sometimes months, of chatting online before graduating to a date, a new wave of singles, namely Generation Z, may be growing tired of these endless stages of romance.
According to New York-based relationship expert and founder of dating app Wingman, Tina Wilson, the endless back-and-forth or “carousel” could be fueling anxiety and “pressure” among daters.
Tina attributed this to social media and technology, which she said “prolongs the anticipation” before an actual date; eventually leads to overthinking and fear of the “unknown.”
The carousel is essentially “the feeling of being stuck in an endless loop of messages before finding a match on a dating app,” he exclusively told FEMAIL.
A new wave of singles, namely Generation Z, may be growing tired of the endless stages of dating, also known as the carousel (pictured: file image)
‘For Gen Z, the carousel has more to do with dating app burnout, where they feel overwhelmed by too many options, leading to constant messaging out of fear that there’s always something better around the corner. .
‘This is due to an accumulation of expectations and uncertainty. This is essentially the psychology behind it.
‘Prolonged anticipation can create unrealistic expectations, excessive thoughts and pressures on both people which, once triggered, can make it very difficult for them to meet in person.
“The unknowns become too many and everything is over before it even begins,” he concluded.
The expert also talked about today’s dating culture, which is based on online social networks and encourages “a lack of non-verbal cues.”
“Social media and technology have put pressure not only on dating culture, but also on society in general,” he said.
‘There is a lot of smoke and mirrors, and pressure to impress or present a version of yourself that you want others to see, reflecting an online profile of perfectionism.
“But that’s not real, so, particularly with Generation Z or people who live and breathe social media, this culture just sets daters up for disappointment.”
While Tina suggested getting out of the “carousel routine” as soon as possible, she also warned against meeting a potential partner too soon, as this also poses its own dangers.
He added: “There’s also an unspoken pressure to meet someone right away, but that’s not necessarily the answer, and it can cause other problems if you end up dating someone who’s not right for you.”
According to New York-based relationship expert and founder of dating app Wingman, Tina Wilson (pictured), the endless back-and-forth of messages or “carousel” could be fueling anxiety among daters.
‘So I wouldn’t necessarily recommend putting in the effort to meet someone in person sooner than you feel ready, just because you’re worried about getting stuck in the carousel routine. Do what feels right to you.”
Tina, CEO of dating app Wingman since 2017, has also shared five tips for tackling the carousel that she says will help calm nerves and make dating “fun” again.
How to escape the ‘carousel routine’
1. Be strategic with your matches
Tina advises daters to do a little work before launching into the getting-to-know-you stage, as this will help you find the right match and avoid wasting time.
To do this, he suggests applications like his own Wingman, which leaves much of the courtship to family and friends; hopefully taking some of the pressure off.
“That’s why I’m a big advocate of friends helping to act as matchmakers, removing many of the obstacles that come with traditional online dating,” she explained.
Tina attributed the carousel to social media and typical dating apps, which she said “prolong the anticipation” before an actual date; eventually leads to overthinking and fear of the “unknown”
‘If a friend can help you find someone and introduce yourself, it automatically reduces the pressure on both people.
‘That’s why with Wingman, we make it a tribal experience: your friends choose your matches and swipe for you. Your friends narrow your pool of potential dates, making the process more focused and less overwhelming.
“This allows the conversation to flow better, ultimately removing any buildup of anxiety about a meeting, and you naturally move to a place where it’s easier to make an in-person appointment.”
2. Evaluate your digital profile
For some, their social media page includes the best of the best and you don’t know what filters or apps they used to create the perfect image.
However, “this perfectionism in social media culture is creating a gap between how you present yourself online and in person,” Tina warned.
‘You need to evaluate all your profile pictures and your online presence as soon as possible. A carefully curated version of yourself can lead to higher expectations and delay meeting in person for fear of rejection.
‘Let’s face it, we all do a little research on potential online dating, so what are you posting?’ Be as authentic as possible. Ask a friend or family member for help, as they know you best and can encourage you while ensuring you stay true to yourself.”
She reminded daters that the feeling goes both ways, and to think about whether they would be surprised if they met someone who looked and acted totally different in person.
3. Try a video call
For singles feeling stranded by that first meeting, a video call may be the trick they need to “make the transition to real-life interaction,” the expert says.
He advised daters to try video calling as a way to facilitate “real-life interaction.”
‘Don’t get stuck in an endless cycle of WhatsApps or online messages, or feel like you have to respond immediately.
‘Once you’ve established a good connection with someone online, it’s important to gradually transition into real-life interaction, whether through a phone call, video call, or meeting in person.
‘This will help you stop overthinking possible scenarios and situations. Many Gen Zers prefer a video call on a first date, which is a great way to limit the buildup of anxiety because you’re addressing it head-on.
“By doing this, you will not only be able to evaluate the things you have in common, but you will also be in the comfort of your home, which will help dramatically reduce the cycle of overthinking.”
4. Nerves are normal
The expert explained: ‘Dating and meeting new people can naturally create feelings of nervousness in us, but remember, this is a normal process. It is normal to have some nervous energy, so remember this fact.
‘It shows that you care, so tell yourself it’s a positive thing. Some nerves are normal; after all, you are human.
“Try to ease any concerns by reaching out to a friend or family member so you can convey any feelings before the appointment and ease any concerns.”
5. Set a timer and remember that dating is fun
If you approach your search for love with the same style with which you search for work, you run the risk of “fatigue” and “online exhaustion/sliding” warns Tina.
“You’ll have a more positive mindset and healthier approach if you spend time online dating or communicating with a potential partner.”
For those who become addicted to dating apps, Tina fears that FOMO (fear of missing out) syndrome may be to blame.
“Remember, dates should be fun,” she added. ‘Keeping balance will help you maintain the right mindset and avoid feeling trapped in a repetitive cycle.
“Just because something can be accessed 24/7, doesn’t mean you have to be online 24/7, right?”
