A psychologist has revealed three warning signs that could mean your friend isn’t genuine, along with one major red flag that’s always ignored.
Dr Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Hampshire, set out to tiktok to help those who may be questioning their friendships.
The expert frequently talks online about mental health, including videos on how to build self-confidence, why we procrastinate, and signs that suggest you might have anxiety.
In a recent clip, Dr. Julie, as she is known, highlighted the red flags that indicate your friends may not have your back.
She said that when something good happens in your life, a fake friend may act differently towards you.
‘Suddenly you realize that this is not friendship, it is a competition. “But this is a competition you didn’t know you were in,” he said.
If your friend never apologizes for what he or she has done, he or she may not have your best interests at heart either.
The expert said to be careful if they don’t apologize for their actions or take responsibility when they hurt your feelings.
Spot those signs! Clinical psychologist Dr. Julie said that when something good happens in your life, a false friend may act differently toward you.
Dr. Julie then went on to talk about the third and final warning sign that your friendship is a sham.
He said that feeling like you have to walk on eggshells or finding that you’re censoring yourself to fit in is another telltale indication that your friendship isn’t built on solid foundations.
‘The latter is often ignored. Do you ever realize that? These are just a few of the subtle and uncomfortable ways that people who truly don’t have our best interests in mind can reveal themselves.
“But it’s not just friendship that is so crucial to a healthy and happy life, it’s good quality friendship.”
He added: “If a friendship takes away your life, instead of adding to it, you have to make a decision.” But never be too ruthless in your decisions. This is your life and relationships are complex.’
Dr. Julie said she discusses more about this topic in chapter two of her book, ‘Open When…’.
The video racked up more than 243,000 views and hundreds of comments from people voicing their opinions on the clip.
One wrote: “I recently ended a 37 year friendship because of 2 out of 3.”
She said feeling like you have to walk on eggshells or finding yourself censoring yourself with a friend to fit in is another telltale sign that things aren’t authentic.
Another wrote: ‘It sums up my situation. I’m glad I learned so much about these types of situations.’
A third said: “This is why I ended an 18 year friendship in April 2022 and have never looked back since.” It was so one-sided and I’ve had enough.’
A fourth commented: ‘What an important reminder about valuing true friendships!’
Dr. Julie also made a video about hidden ways an abusive partner may be manipulating you into staying with them.
The expert began by saying that abusers will often try to divert your attention from your friends and family to isolate you.
“They eliminate any outside perspective, so theirs is the only narrative you can hear,” he said.
The medical professional added that they change their mood easily, often going from affectionate to aggressive.
This can leave victims feeling confused about whether the relationship they are in is normal, healthy, and good.
The next warning sign is if your partner makes you feel insecure and like you can’t accomplish anything without them.
“They weaken your confidence, your own intelligence and your ability to do things, so you start to wonder if you can function without them,” the expert explained.
Another warning sign of a manipulative relationship is if they limit access to your money and control your spending.
“It makes it seem almost impossible to leave,” Dr. Smith added.
The fifth sign of a controlling abuser is if he threatens to harm himself or you. Dr. Smith added that this can be a powerful way to trap victims and prevent them from leaving.
If you need to speak to someone, you can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, free of charge at any time on 0808 2000 247.