A newlywed couple has sparked an argument after she became annoyed that her best friends hadn’t given her a card or gift for my wedding.
The anonymous woman said she spent about £10,000 on guests alone, as they had 100 guests and it cost about £100 per head.
She went to the British forum Mumsnet to ask others what they thought of the situation.
She wrote, “Recently married, it was a medium size wedding with about 100 people.
“There was a significant number of people who did not give a gift or even a card. The wedding was generous – appetizers, dinner and unlimited drinks.
The anonymous woman said she spent about £10,000 on guests alone as they had 100 guests and it cost about £100 per head and had not received any gifts or cards from her closest friends (stock image)
‘Per head cost about £100. Everyone there was a good friend so I’m really surprised that many of the guests found it acceptable not to give anything at all as a token of appreciation or to wish us the best in our married life together.
‘For context, our friends are not struggling financially. The few that might be a little we know who they are, and they’ve all given something!
‘Maybe some felt they had traveled to get there, although most of the guests live in the city, so I don’t feel that explains it.
The woman then said she didn’t want to force people to give gifts if they didn’t want to, so she wrote “your presence is enough…” on the invitation, but still added links to the gift registry and honeymoon fund. .
“When I’ve seen the same thing written on other people’s invitations, I’ve always interpreted that as a polite question, and I gave it,” she continued.
Most didn’t interpret it this way, and some were incredibly thoughtful and generous.
“The whole case seems to have revealed a lot about these people we call close friends.
“I don’t want to come across as materialistic, I’m certainly not into lavish gifts, this post is more about the gesture and I thought it was very basic etiquette to give a gift at a wedding. I’ve always done it and wouldn’t think of doing it any other way!’
The woman then asked if the lack of cards and gifts was “normal or acceptable.”
The woman took to UK-based forum Mumsnet to ask others what they thought of the situation
Users then took to the thread to discuss whether the woman’s response was unreasonable, with some saying she shouldn’t have written “your presence is enough” if she didn’t mean it.
One person said, “You said their presence was enough. People took you at your word! Don’t say that if you don’t mean it!’
Another wrote: ‘As much as I’d hate to, I think you’re being unreasonable in writing that your presence is sufficient when clearly you weren’t and you wanted money or a gift.
“Why didn’t you just be honest?”
A third wrote: ‘If you told them not to bring anything, they just respect your wishes.
‘Why write it if you really don’t want them to come up empty-handed?
“If you have some friends who are struggling financially, you could have just put that in their cards or told them individually not to bring anything.”
Users then took to the thread to discuss whether the woman’s response was unreasonable, with some saying she shouldn’t have written “your presence is enough” if she didn’t mean it
A fourth commented, “I’ve been in this situation. I was invited to a good friends wedding, which was 50 minutes away.
‘I had 63 pence in the bank, couldn’t even afford a soft drink at reception (I had tap water).
‘Single mother of two, widow. Working full time. Life is just expensive. I’d hate to think I was considered rude.”
But some people agreed with the woman and said they should have at least given the newlyweds a card.
One user wrote, “Rude not to even bring a card. The tricky part is that it is very expensive to attend a wedding (minimum travel, taxis, accommodation).
“And when one weighs that against the perceived cost of hosting (some free drinks and a meal), if the couple has said ‘your presence is enough’, who wouldn’t believe you?”
Another said, “I would never think of going to a wedding without a present!” Incredibly rude in my opinion.’
But some people agreed with the woman and said they should have at least given the newlyweds a card
A third wrote: ‘Yes, I think it’s extremely rude not to even give a card, and personally I wouldn’t turn up without a card and cash.
“But you literally told people not to give you anything and now you’re complaining that they did what you said?!”
A fourth commented, “I think it’s very bad form to attend a wedding without a gift unless there are extenuating circumstances that make it sound like they’re not here.”
“When someone throws a party that you go to, you bring a gift and in the UK at the moment the most common gift is a cash gift.
“Not having a map is also ill-considered, and that would hurt me.”