Narcissists have an arsenal of “toxic” phrases that they use to convince their partners that they are the problem.
Now a man diagnosed with a personality disorder, which involves an excessive focus on oneself and one’s own needs, has shared the expressions he has used in the past.
Steven Ingram, who is a “self-aware narcissist,” revealed his secret tactics in hopes of saving others from being manipulated.
Ingram’s favorite line for blaming someone is “Why do you always start fights with me?” and another is “Why do you wear your heart on your sleeve?”
Steven Ingram, a diagnosed narcissist, has shared the common phrases he has used to manipulate his partner in the hopes of helping others avoid manipulation.
Ingram revealed the phrases in a TikTok videowhich has over 46,000 likes on her account where she claims she was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD).
BPD is a mental illness that affects a person’s ability to manage their emotions, leading to instability in their relationships, self-image, and mood.
Narcissism is usually diagnosed after the individual answers questions about his or her life and interactions with others.
These questions, administered by a health professional, ask the person if they think others are jealous of them, if they feel more beautiful than others, and if they perceive themselves as more valuable than others.
“As a self-aware narcissist, I have used every single one of these phrases and I can guarantee you that every toxic partner I’ve ever had (and I’ve had many) has used the exact same phrases,” Ingram said.
The tactic is known as “blame shifting” and is a way for the narcissist to take control of their partner, which is seen in abusive relationships.
The first line he said in the video was, “You sure like to argue, why do you always start conflicts with me? Why?”
Ingram went on to explain that narcissists use that phrase when their partner brings up a past event that may have hurt them, allowing them to shift the blame.
Another is to ask your partner why he or she always overreacts, which is used to invalidate the person’s emotions and reactions to the narcissist’s behavior.
“Why do you have to wear your heart on your sleeve?” Ingram continued, noting that it falls under the same umbrella of making your partner feel like they’re being too sensitive.
One phrase he has used is, “This conversation is over, I’m leaving,” which is a narcissist’s way of dodging your concerns, leaving you to think you did something wrong to provoke a fight.
Psychologists have observed that walking away from an argument is an effort to avoid addressing issues or formulating conflict resolutions.
This is because narcissists are often reluctant to accept their flaws.
“You’re crazy” was another tactic Ingram used.
Psychotherapist Anna Drescher wrote in Simple psychology‘This implies that you do not have the mental capacity or stability to understand or make adequate judgments, which forces you to question yourself.’
By saying “you’re crazy,” a narcissist makes their partner feel vulnerable and can gain power over the conversation.
The latest phrase that Ingram has used to manipulate his partner is: “I don’t even know why I’m still in this relationship with you, you don’t value (anything) of what I do for you. And it’s a lot.”
“Their goal is to make the person feel dependent and less important by positioning themselves as superior or indispensable,” Drescher wrote.
Other therapists have suggested that the last phrase shared by Ingram is a narcissist’s way of expressing hurt and anger because his partner is not giving him the level of adoration he desired.
Many of these tactics fall under the concept of gaslighting, which is a manipulation tactic used to make someone question their own perception of reality, their memory, or their sanity in order to undermine it.
“The goal of gaslighting is to cause someone to question their own perceptions, memories or judgments, usually through persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction or lying,” Drescher said.
