A life coach and dating expert has revealed how to avoid overinvesting in people.
Matthew Hussey from Essex, author of the 2013 bestseller Get The Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve, shared his thoughts in a video on TikTok.
The clip, which he shared with his 2.9 million followers, is titled How To Stop Yourself From Over Investing.
In it, he shares an excerpt from a training session he held, called Dating with Results, in which some 13,000 people participated.
When discussing the approach people should take when it comes to their relationships with others, he suggested seeing if the other person makes you happy.
Author, life coach and dating expert Matthew Hussey (pictured) discussed in a video on TikTok how to avoid overinvesting in people
In the clip, he says, “Here’s a simple way to look at it. I have to value this person for his or her ability to make me happy.
“That means I don’t evaluate them based on how I feel about them, but I evaluate their importance based on how they make me feel.”
He goes on to explain that he doesn’t mean how they make you feel’on a date where you go out and you feel dazzled and excited and you feel connected.”
On the contrary, he says, he is talking about ‘how do they make you feel at 2pm on a Tuesday?’.
He continues, “Are you feeling anxious? Do you feel unloved? Do you feel that your needs are being met or not?
“Do you feel that this person is making you a better version of yourself or a worse version of yourself?”
The question of whether this person can make you happy is a “key” according to Matthew – and this, he says, is “one way to lower the stakes.”
He adds, “Because when we know, when we think ‘This person is important because they made me feel something really, really big…’ that’s not what makes someone important.”
In the video, titled How To Stop Yourself From Over Investing, Matthew (pictured) said to ask yourself if the person you’re considering investing in makes you happy
“Anyone can make you feel something really, really big within an hour or two of meeting you. If they’re charismatic enough and charming enough and dazzling enough, anyone can.
“That doesn’t make them important to you. What matters to someone is whether they can make you happy.”
Viewers took to the comments to discuss how this advice had changed their mindset when it comes to how much they choose to invest in relationships with others.
One of them wrote, “I needed to hear this today, I need to get out of my delusional state and face the hard facts.”
The video struck a chord with many viewers, some of whom took to the comment section to share their own thoughts and feelings
Another agreed, adding, “This is my number (one) rule, I’m happy without you and if you want to come into my life you have to add more happiness or else.”
And a third commenter said, “This is one of the most important aspects of choosing someone for a relationship.”
A fourth wrote: “my grandmother told me today that you have to choose someone who loves you, not someone you love and I think she was referring to this.”
Meanwhile, another TikTok viewer appreciated the advice but admitted they would find it difficult to implement.
They said, “This is huge, but trying to tell my heart this is very difficult.”