A woman has revealed her deep regret at having a baby in her 40s with the “wrong” man – after discovering he lied about his age and has two secret children.
The mother of two, whose name was not released, took to the British parenting platform. Moms in network to say she “hates society” for making “single women feel like they have no value,” which she says forced her to enter into a relationship with a man she barely knew.
The woman, in her 40s, said she had been single for 12 years before meeting her current fiancé, 54, who immediately “struck her” after the pair met on a “popular app”.
The mother – of a teenager from a previous relationship and a six-month-old baby with her partner – told how he had misled her about his real age, the number of children he had and even his credit rating, leaving her “completely alienated from men”.
Unable to turn back two years and “be single again,” the mother sought advice on the forum, first detailing the wild story.
A woman has revealed her deep regret at having a baby at 40 with the “wrong” man and blames social pressure for making the hasty decision (file image)
She wrote: ‘I hate society for making single women feel like they have no value and no respect and like having a man is like sitting on a cloud in the sky.
“I had been single for about 12 years and had had a couple of short-term boyfriends. I had dated a few times, but as a single mother of a teenager, I tried to be careful, but I just couldn’t find the right person.
“Then I met someone on a well-known app with a paid service and I was completely smitten. Within the first 10 minutes of our first conversation, I told him I had a teenage son and he said he loved kids and that it wasn’t a problem.”
She then detailed their “whirlwind romance” in which they got engaged, lived together and had a newborn baby two years later.
The woman admitted she caught him lying a few times early on, but ignored the “red flags” and attributed them to “teething problems.”
“He lied about his age (he said he was 48 instead of 54), his job level (he said he was an executive chef when he was actually a sous chef) (and) how many children he has,” she wrote.
“(He told me he had two children when I know he has three and I actually suspect he has four),” she added.
“He made me believe that he lived with his children (when he never lived with them). Also, he is very argumentative and I am very calm and relaxed, that does not fit my personality at all.”
The mother-of-two, whose name was not given, took to British parenting platform Mumsnet to say she “hates society” for making “single women feel like they have no value,” which she says forced her into the ill-fated relationship.
The mother – of a teenager from a previous relationship and a six-month-old baby with her partner – shared how he had misled her about his real age, the number of children he had and even his credit score, which has left her “completely put off by men”.
She also cited his jealousy and repeated accusations that she “looked up to other men” as reasons why their relationship had failed.
Despite all this, she claimed that what “broke her heart” was her partner’s apparent dislike of her son, after initially telling her that he “loved children”.
She revealed: ‘What broke my heart was that he doesn’t really like my teenage son. He would make comments about various things about my son, about how I think about him too much and give my son more attention than he deserves.
“If my son stayed in bed in the morning, I would call him ‘king’ (in private with me. I’m paraphrasing) even though my son is a kind and considerate person who has not behaved inappropriately towards my partner at all, although he is a bit shy as he is a quiet boy.”
And most recently, she said her hopes of buying a home together were shattered after discovering his shady financial history.
‘We’ve just reached the final stages of buying a home together, only to have the mortgage broker tell me that he’s applied for numerous loans and because he relies so much on credit, it’s highly unlikely that we’ll get the home we choose to buy.
“Because of all this, I have gradually stopped having intimacy with him,” she announced.
She also said that when she tried to reprimand him for his lies, he would deceive her, manipulate her and accuse her of twisting his words.
According to the woman, his true personality and deception only came to light after she became pregnant, but apparently at that point she felt that the relationship had reached its limit.
Despite her decision to stay, she said she fully accepted it, but that she “could no longer love him.”
She wrote: ‘I take responsibility for rushing into this and the ‘I made my bed and should just lie in it’ advice goes without saying. No matter how I look at things, I don’t love him anymore.
‘I’m trying to cope and deal with the decision I made to start a relationship with him and have a child with him, but I’m running out of tactics and strategies.
After asking for advice on the parenting forum, many users told her to stop for the sake of herself and her children.
“I’ve been a single mother before and I can do it again, but I know he will resist and not go away easily. I’m unhappy and although I love my little boy so much, I sometimes wish I could be single again. He’s actually completely alienated me from men.”
She then asked for advice on how to handle her relationship with her partner for the next 15 years and asked if it would be better to just leave the relationship.
“Of course you leave him. Immediately. How can you think otherwise?” one person said.
One user called her partner “terrible” and wrote: “Even without all the lies and manipulations, you could leave him. But he seems awful. Life is too short to give that man any more time. Seriously. This isn’t a dress rehearsal.”
Another chided her for blaming society, saying: “Your little speech about ‘society’ is nonsense and completely irrelevant. Society didn’t make you jump into a relationship. Own your own life.”
Meanwhile, someone else wrote: “You know what’s more hated than single mothers? Women who live with men who are horrible to their other children.”
“It’s obvious you’ve made some bad decisions. Now start making some good ones and leave this lying idiot. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your oldest son, who deserves much better than this mess.”