Leading up to my ‘robot massage’ I felt a vague sense of dread and considered canceling.
I kept having visions of a machine malfunctioning and beating me to death – but the lure of a free trial massage proved too strong.
Although I was somewhat terrified, I was quite intrigued to know how much knot-busting potential these machines had.
And the idea of not having to chat with a masseuse during the entire experience and having the freedom to completely relax was also a draw.
Those are two of the main selling points being touted Escape – the company behind the groundbreaking technology that runs 10 massage machines in New York.
I booked a 30 minute massage (priced at $60) through the Aescape app at the Equinox gym in Soho. From reception I was taken to the massage room which is located in the spa area of the fancy gym.
The receptionist escorted me to a dimly lit room with two giant robotic arms rising above the massage table, which looked more like a surgical hospital bed.
I already felt uncomfortable.
There are currently 10 Aescape massage machines in New York and Sadie Whitelocks of DailyMail.com checked in for a 30-minute knot-tying session
After tying my hair, I took the plunge and lay down on the table in my tight-fitting workout leggings and T-shirt, while an iPad-sized touchscreen above my head showed me what was happening.
Before the massage begins, you can adjust the positioning of the pillow, headrest and armrest to suit your body, and this was an upgrade from the standard massage table, which has a one-size-fits-all approach.
The next step was a body scan. While wearing clothes, I couldn’t help but feel naked as the machine used infrared sensors to create a 3D model of my body.
Aescape says the scam generates more than 1.1 million 3D data points that “accurately map the position of the body on the table and identify key anatomical points for targeted massage.”
It all felt a bit like I had been abducted by aliens, with the robotic sound of the female voiceover, the spaceship-like lights floating over my body and the strange arms looming over me.
A picture of a body appeared on the screen with all the muscles visible. I had turned into something that resembled an exhibit at the Body Worlds show, with my skin pulled back to reveal the nuts and bolts underneath.
After my body was scanned, we left.
With the Aescape machine you can also select your own music.
So instead of the traditional sound of wind chimes and the like in the massage room, I opted for some Ibiza-esque ‘beach house’ tunes.
On the left side of the touchscreen, it showed me exactly what the machine was doing, lighting up text explainers such as “knots and releasing tension” and “lengthening the spine.”
Meanwhile, in the center of the screen there was a 3D image that reflected my body and showed where the robot’s ‘hands’ were located.
Everything seemed to go well – the massage pressure was perfect, as I could select a harder touch.
But not long after the massage, my worst fears came true and things started to break down.
At random points the machine would stop working and I would have to restart it, which increased my anxiety levels.
Directly above the Aescape massage tables are infrared sensors, powered by AI, that produce 3D models of the body
As the robot arm came in for a really deep blow, it fell on my back and stopped. I was literally pinned to the table.
I couldn’t help but feel like the robot had a mind of its own and was having fun and scaring me, kind of like a cat jumping on a mouse for fun.
I was very relieved that I had not programmed the machine to ‘max pressure’ as this would have been very uncomfortable.
Fortunately, the Aescape machine is very easy to stop and restart, so I wasn’t stuck for too long.
But then I decided to finish my 30 minute massage early and go to the gym instead.
One benefit of the Aescape booking, I discovered, is that you have access to Equinox gyms.
These are usually only available to members, with monthly fees exceeding $200.
So if you’re traveling in New York City, $60 for a massage and gym access isn’t a bad deal.
After my massage escapade, I spoke to Aescape and they revealed that the robot was having problems because I wasn’t wearing the right clothes.
Sadie said the massage pressure was “perfect” because she could choose a harder touch
Apparently customers are advised to wear the specially designed Aescape clothing.
The company designed a long-sleeved top and leggings made of a special fabric so that the system could detect the body and move smoothly.
Obviously I forgot about this memo.
In light of this, I thought I would give the product another try, and I booked another Aescape massage at an Equinox on the Lower East Side.
Likewise, the massage room was located in the gym’s spa area and this time I changed into the Aescape brand leggings and log sleeve top provided to me at check-in.
By the second lap the machine was working like a dream, and I stayed put for the entire 30 minutes while the menacing ‘hands’ did their magic.
Overall, the massage movements were more consistent than a human massage and the firm pressure was great, as was the soft bed.
There was also no awkward conversation coming from the machine, which can sometimes happen during a traditional human-to-human massage.
However, I think I prefer my local Chinese massage place where $60 gets me an hour and the language barrier prevents any conversation.
There you run no risk of being pinned down and there is something to be said for the healing power of human touch.