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Cheating is having a moment right now. It’s not a great moment, but a moment nonetheless. Yes, I said it. And before you start clutching your pearls, let’s face it: everyone is prone to it. Come on, try to prove me wrong. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you’ve cheated or been scammed. Maybe both: life is that complicated.
The older I get and the more juicy confessions I hear, the more convinced I am that monogamy could be one of life’s most difficult tasks. Seriously, it’s a miracle anyone does it!
I mean, if George Clooney winked at you and nodded, it would be hard to say, “No thanks, my lazy husband, who rarely remembers to take out the bins, is waiting for me at home.”
And if, like me, you binged Rivals (no, not just because of the sex scenes) or Martha Stewart’s Netflix documentary, you’ll know this: Cheating doesn’t care about your age, gender, or tax bracket. It’s the great tie.
And besides, it’s not just miserable couples who do the dirty. No, happy people cheat too! How do I know? Oh, just because of my little encounter with a married man who, interestingly enough, was happily in love with his wife. Imagine. (For the record, your honor, I didn’t know that idiot was married.)
But here’s a fun fact: women are much better at cheating than men. Sorry, friends, but it’s true. While guys tend to be sloppy (forgetting to hide text messages, chattering to their peers, or parading their lovers around like it’s no big deal), women are sneaky little ninjas. It’s not bragging; It’s just a fact.
The result? Women rarely get caught. And believe me, it’s not because they are doing less.
But let’s zoom out for a second. What is considered cheating? A connection? A cheeky touch at the office Christmas party? A sassy DM after too many wines? It’s a broad spectrum, but the common thread is simple: your partner would be heartbroken if they found out. However, it is clear that this does not stop anyone.
So, I decided to dive into the murky waters of infidelity and chat with women who have had exciting affairs. How did they achieve it? Let’s say their answers surprised me…
The statistics don’t lie: 60 per cent of men and 45 per cent of women admit to having an affair during their marriage, according to Sexual Health Australia. Ashley Madison, also known as the cheaters club, ranks Australia as the sixth most unfaithful country in the world. Sixth! Honestly, it would be awesome if it weren’t so depressing.
So, I decided to dive into the murky waters of infidelity and chat with women who have had exciting affairs. How did they achieve it? Let’s say their answers surprised me…
I have a glow
For some women, cheating was not about their partner but about a new sense of confidence.
One woman explains: ‘The marriage started to fall apart when I started training at the gym after having children. I discovered a confidence I never knew I had. Then there was the outside attention at work… I had countless adventures in a two-year span. It was exhausting: deleting messages, using secret apps, always having my phone within reach, constantly changing my passwords. But I got my way and continued until I found the strength to leave my husband.’
Another tells me: ‘I had a nose job and it was a radical change. I had settled for a man who was a standard five out of 10, but when I became a 10, I wanted a 10 for myself. So I went out and found some. There’s no going back to a five once you’ve gotten a 10. It was worth the $10,000 surgery bill.’
Revenge
For many women, cheating was an act of retaliation, a way to regain power after their partners had lost their trust.
One woman revealed that after getting a nose job she became a “10 out of 10,” which meant she wanted a 10 instead of her husband’s “standard five.” She went out and found one (file image)
One woman confesses: “My husband cheated on me, so I wanted to see what I was missing.” She describes how, during a drunken argument, he admitted to cheating several times during their “club phase.” Then, incredibly, he demanded that she “appreciate him more” so he wouldn’t do it again.
Stunned by this confession, the wife went camping with friends to clear her head. That’s when things took an unexpected turn.
‘In the middle of the night, one of the boys crawled into my sleeping bag and said he was cold and needed body heat to combat the cold. I knew exactly what was happening, but I didn’t protest.
‘He got down to business and kissed me. I followed him for a while, partly because I was angry at my ex and partly out of curiosity about what it felt like to be unfaithful. But then I got scared and stopped and said, “I’m done.” I immediately moved the tents.’
The consequences were painful: “I felt very bad and devastated by this for days. I ended up coming out to my boyfriend, who broke up with me because, in his words, “he couldn’t stand the betrayal.” Despite everything, he adds, “it was the best bad decision I have ever made in my life.”
Another woman found clarity through her own revenge: ‘I wanted to know if I was as bad in bed as my husband made me feel. No! I got the validation I needed. Turns out I’m dynamite.
Addicted to rush
Some women confess that the thrill of adventure keeps them hooked.
One tells me that starting a new relationship wasn’t enough to cancel her relationship with her married boss.
“It all started with cheeky little jokes at work, a couple of comments back and forth. Then we started talking every day outside of work. At first it was friendship because I knew he was married, so I ignored the feelings I had for him… until I started dating someone else.’
That’s when things changed: ‘He went crazy and told me all the feelings he had for me. What makes me stay is knowing how well we get along: we are literally two drops of water. Don’t get me wrong, I question myself weekly about leaving. But I honestly can’t leave. All the promises he’s made, plus the thrill of being so naughty, are addictive. Like an injection of endorphins.
Some women confess that the thrill of adventure keeps them hooked. One tells me that starting a new relationship wasn’t enough to call things off with her married boss (file image)
Ignored and taken for granted
About seven out of 10 women I spoke to had a common reason for their affairs: they felt neglected by their partners and longed to feel seen, loved and appreciated.
One woman explains: ‘I worked full time and then came home to do housework and mothering. He simply took me for granted and neglected my feminine needs.
Another says: ‘She didn’t appreciate all the housework and childcare I did. I was nothing more than a caretaker to him.
Others found the external validation irresistible: ‘He barely recognized me, he didn’t want to do anything around the house or with our children. He was a lazy jerk and I was attracting attention from guys outside of our marriage. “It was an easy decision.”
One story stands out for its emotional depth: ‘I cheated because my partner made me feel like a sex toy. He didn’t pay any attention to me, mentally, emotionally or physically. For the first five years of our relationship, I loved him deeply, but in the end I felt like he kept me around to pass the time.
‘My best friend, however, showered me with all the attention I needed and made me feel like the sexiest woman in the world. It gave me a spark back and it was all the therapy I needed. I left my husband and have since remarried my best friend. “Sometimes you just need that push to find someone better.”
Social networks and reconnection with first loves
Social media became the catalyst for several issues.
“It all started when a boy I went to high school with added me on Snapchat,” says one woman. “It started innocently, with lots of memories and then, finally, sneaky photographs. It turned out that I was driving to Sydney for “a course” and was booking a hotel for the two of us. My husband and I don’t check each other’s phones, so I turned off notifications for most of my apps.’
Another used infidelity to confront the past: ‘I cheated on my fiancé because he was backing out on me. My college ex reappeared in my Instagram DMs. This guy had broken my heart and I needed one more night with him to make sure I got married without regrets.
‘We arranged a cheap hookup at an Airbnb and it was horrible. I had forgotten that I had a giant ego and resentment. I ended up crying halfway through sex and went back to my kind and caring fiancé. Now I know I’m making the right decision 100 percent. I don’t regret it; In fact, it made me appreciate my current partner more.”
They got married too young
Many women admit that their infidelity was because they got married before they really knew themselves.
“I cheated on my ex because we got into a serious relationship when I was too young to fully understand myself,” one woman explains. ‘I had this deep need to explore my identity, both sexually and in terms of what I wanted out of life. Staying in the relationship felt suffocating.
‘He wanted a quiet life, with marriage and children, while I wanted to focus on my career, travel and keep my options open. It seemed like a holdover from a more naive phase of life. That was more than five years ago. It took him a couple of years to forgive me, but now we’re really good friends. He is one of the few men in my life who has always wanted the best for me.
Some final thoughts…
What I learned from these women is that cheating isn’t always about breaking up homes; It’s often about rediscovering themselves, one ill-advised adventure at a time.
Does that make it correct? No. But it does make you realize that infidelity lives in a thousand shades of gray. Oh yes. It’s a good time to be a cocky bachelor right now.