As I settled in at a women’s networking luncheon, it quickly became apparent that the guests at my table more than lived up to the event’s billing.
There was the corporate lawyer in a sharply tailored suit; the top bank executive with a scary haircut; the woman who ran a recruiting firm that placed people in six-figure salary jobs, and another who did something inexplicably complicated in tech—a formidable group of women making great strides in their professional lives.
So given the pedigree of my fellow diners, you can imagine that the opportunities to absorb conversations about e.g. politics, work, travel or books would be unlimited. But as waiters poured glasses of crisp Chablis and offered round smoked salmon hors d’oeuvres, it soon became clear that there would be no side order of lively conversation.
Not because these women didn’t have much to say. Completely opposite. In fact, they didn’t shut up. The problem was that each of these well-groomed, accomplished career women stuck to one subject: their children.
A good conversation between intelligent, engaged women should be as easy as a game, not about that, writes Angela Epstein
The barrister to my right gave a particularly dull account of her daughter’s difficulties choosing GCSE subjects.
Meanwhile, the tech guru to my left was bleating about how her son – “he’s very bright” – was preparing for a Duke of Edinburgh Award.
On and on they droned on, no detail too insane or empty to be edited out of their monologues, so any idea of making new business connections (my whole reason for attending) was shot to pieces. All I left with was a steaming pile of parenting anecdotes.
Not that this was an isolated incident by any means. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve found myself among groups of women—at dinner parties, work, or social gatherings—who find themselves unable to talk about anything but their children.
Self-absorbed and puffed up with the knowledge that their offspring’s every breath is a headline grabber, they have no idea how to guide their conversation beyond the confines of their children’s lives. Do they care about the cost of living, the Oscars or upcoming elections in the US and UK?
Now I have nothing against children – I am truly blessed with four of my own. I adore their very bones and as their mother I am completely riveted by their daily lives.
Yet I am acutely aware that while all this is a source of endless fascination and pride for me, the outside world is not so enthused. Unfortunately, many women do not understand this.
How did it come to this in this age of groundbreaking female performance? Have we forgotten that we had to force our way through the glass ceiling, fight for the vote and fight for equal pay?
So if you’re one of those women who thinks everyone is fascinated by your child, take it from me — they’re not, writes Angela (stock image)
Do you really imagine men indulging in self-absorbed conversations about their children while trolling the golf course or networking over a beer? Of course not. They revel in the freedom of their child-free leisure time.
A woman, high up in finance, has a knack for always steering conversations back to her children. Recently, she managed to hijack an impassioned group chat about whether Trump could be US president for a second time, against a tiresome monologue about her son’s first trip to New York. So what?
Is there any way to redeem these often brain-numbing scenarios? Trust me, I’ve tried. I remember at a birthday lunch, encouraged by a G&T on an empty stomach, declaring that all talk of children should be banned.
‘It’s boring, boring, boring,’ I stormed. ‘Do you really think when our children meet they waste time talking about their parents? So why on earth are we doing the same?’
It worked – for a while. When dessert arrived, like lapsed dieters, they fell off the wagon and back into a world of school uniforms, exams and uni applications.
On another occasion, close to absolute despair at the tedium, I found myself declaring: ‘Does anyone here still use the coil? I’m sure it’s time for mine to come out.’ It was the first thing I could think of to pull the other women away from obsessive child-centered talk.
So if you’re one of those women who thinks everyone is fascinated by your child, take it from me—they’re not. Good conversation between intelligent, engaged women should be as easy as a game, not about it.