Sex therapists say that about a third of couples who seek therapy for different sexual urges imply that the woman wants sex more than the man.
The assumption that all men constantly want to have sex with their partner is simply not true, and it’s one of the reasons why women are so embarrassed to admit it when their husband refuses to have sex with them.
‘I would tell my friends if I was having an affair. But I’m certainly not going to tell you that my husband hasn’t touched me sexually in years,” one woman told me.
Many women assume the worst when they end sex: their partner doesn’t love them or is having sex with someone else.
But extramarital sex is rarely the reason a man loses sexual desire for his partner.
It’s much more likely that it is…
The assumption that all men constantly want to have sex with their partner is simply not true, and it’s one of the reasons why women are so embarrassed to admit it when their husband refuses to have sex with them. Stock image used
YOU HAVE ERECTION DIFFICULTIES
If a woman confesses to me that her male partner suddenly avoids sex and doesn’t want to talk about it, my first question is “How old is he?”
If you’re over 40, I suspect erection difficulties have something to do with it. If it’s over 50, I guarantee that’s the case.
Men expect to lose their hair and develop a beer belly. But no one talks about what happens to your penis as you age. As wonderful and impressive as they are, an erection is simply a penis filled with blood. If you’re having erection problems, problems with blood flow are often to blame. Unfortunately for men, there are many things that can affect it. Diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, overweight, low testosterone (aging), unhealthy lifestyles (drinking, smoking, junk eating), stress and anxiety. Most men are not aware of this.
The first time you don’t get an erection on cue is a sobering experience, even if you’re not sober. If it happens more than once, it is usually considered one of the worst moments of his life.
Humiliated. Depressed. Castrated. These are just some of the words men use to describe the feeling of not being able to “get up.”
Many men would rather not have sex at all than have to deal with a “non-functioning” penis. For most men, sex means sticking your penis in something. It is extremely difficult to convince a man that oral sex, handjobs, kissing, cuddling, and using a sex toy also count as sex. You can do a lot of things without an erection, but most men don’t believe it and aren’t interested in exploring the concept.
Erection problems are not the same as low desire, but if you experience one, sooner or later you’ll likely experience the other as well.
UK-based sex expert Tracey Cox (pictured) shares the top five reasons why your partner might never have sex with you again
YOU NO LONGER FEEL ATTRACTIVE
There is an ongoing debate about female body image and how it affects their sexual desire. But men also struggle with feelings of attractiveness and the same thing happens to them.
They gain weight, lose muscle and (as we have already mentioned) hair. Even if people still like to say (please stop) that men with gray hair and wrinkles look “distinguished” while women with both just look old, men are not immune to feeling depressed when their appearance changes. .
This is especially true if his partner is much younger or seems to be doing better than him. It’s one thing to reveal a chubby belly while he’s trying to seduce a wife who also has one. It’s quite another if she’s still sporting a six-pack and (you swear) she seems a little disgusted by the sight.
YOU HAVE A NATURALLY LOW SEX DRIVE
This may come as a complete surprise because the first sign of low libido often appears around two years into a relationship. This is because almost everyone receives an artificial boost of desire at the beginning.
The second most common time this happens is when children arrive and sex naturally decreases. People with low desire can maintain a healthy sexual desire by having sex regularly. But if sex stops and your motivation to pursue it isn’t strong, your libido will fall to its natural resting place, which could be much lower than your partner expected.
Is he secretly gay? Is she having an affair? Am I too fat/too old/not sexy enough? Very few women think it’s because their partner simply has a naturally low sex drive. While we talk a lot about women losing desire, we rarely talk about men losing long-term interest. Not to mention not having had much enthusiasm for it in the first place.
The truth is that men do not inherently have a higher sexual desire than women – it’s a stereotype. Reality is more nuanced. Desire is a complex interaction of biological, psychological, and social factors that vary widely among individuals, regardless of gender.
Our “resting libido” also has a genetic basis, at least in part. If your partner’s father had an unbridled sexual desire, this is probably the case. However, if that led to Dad having affairs, it may have the opposite effect…
HE THINKS HE IS KIND FOR NOT WANTING HIM
Not all men grow up in a home where they are encouraged to “be a man” and seek sex whenever they can because it is “what men do.”
If your partner’s childhood was marred by a parent who had affairs (leaving the impression that wanting to have sex causes problems or that our sexual desire is uncontrollable), you may subconsciously decide not to let that happen to you. Wanting sex is dangerous, maybe even disgusting.
This can also happen to men if their mother has been mistreated by them. The message it sends (deliberately or unconsciously) is that men’s sexual urges are harmful to women. Then her son tries hard to cushion his and is embarrassed if he doesn’t succeed. Normal things that almost all teenagers enjoy, such as masturbation and fantasies, become negative experiences.
Having become the man he wanted to be (one who is neither sexually aggressive nor predatory), he believes he is being nice by not wanting to have sex with you.
YOU ARE STRESSED OR DEPRESSED
One study found that one in five men say their libido is low because they are too stressed from work. Then they kill what little desire they have left by doing what many people do when they are stressed: self-medicating with alcohol. Excessive drinking affects the production of testosterone, the main hormone responsible for our sexual desire. Not surprisingly, the triggering effect of all this is often depression. So you go to the doctor, who prescribes antidepressants and maybe some blood pressure pills, effectively eliminating any cravings you may still have. An ever-growing list of medications curbs the most enthusiastic libido.
Check out Tracey’s two product ranges, Supersex and Edge, if you want a quick and instant way to make mundane sex more exciting. You’ll find them at lovehoney.co.uk (or on your country’s lovehoney website).