Well, 2025 has begun with the worst ‘accidental date’ of my life.
It all started with a picnic in the park with friends. We laughed, drank coffee, worked on our basic tan, and talked a little too loudly about our sex lives, eliciting some questionable looks from those sitting near us. Glorious morning. No notes.
But then a friend of one of the girls joined us. He was from out of town, and sure, it felt a little strange having a guy join in on what was clearly a girls’ morning, but what are you going to do?
Let’s call him Roger (because honestly, he was giving Randy Roger vibes).
First he declared himself a businessman. “Oh, cool,” I said, a little embarrassed at another guy who called himself an “entrepreneur.” Fuck.
‘What is your business?’ Does the answer indicate vagueness, talking about being an influencer, but not an influencer, but rather working in an ‘influencer industry’?
He also looked like he worked in sales, but when I asked him if he worked in sales, he said no, but kept talking about sales.
What the fuck? She was more confused than before she asked. First red flag.
Mail+ columnist Jana Hocking has some candid advice for men on how to be more attractive, without the ‘alpha male’ toxicity that women hate.
A later look at his Instagram revealed that he was in one of those strange pyramid schemes disguised as “building a personal brand”, and featured many embarrassing “wealth mentality” videos using a whiteboard… most of which had a total of seven “likes”.
Look, I’m all for self-promotion, but if your biggest fan is your mom, maybe it’s time to rethink the strategy.
He then launched into a monologue about his ex-wife, who was apparently the “laziest, most entitled woman ever” (ouch), before moving on to how much money he makes and the flashy vacations he takes.
News flash: If you really like her, you don’t need to announce her every five minutes.
Like I said, red flag, red flag, red flag. It was torture. So, we all went back to our fun, girly conversations, and that was it.
Until I mentioned that I was going out for drinks that afternoon and he invited himself to join me. My friend who had introduced him to the group (she’s one of those wonderfully kind girls who makes friends with anyone) had to work and was looking for things to do. She looked at me pleadingly to take him out for drinks, so I mumbled “sure” and headed home to get ready.
By the time I got to my car, she had texted me that he was interested in me and would set up a meeting place for the afternoon in a group chat..
I felt like I had been tricked into a date I didn’t want to be on. Can’t a girl just sip a margarita on Sunday afternoon?
After the worst date of her life, Jana says she walked home reflecting on the “epidemic of male loneliness.”
Later that afternoon, while we were having drinks, he appeared and did a song and dance about buying everyone a round of drinks (which we later found out had been added to our bill).
Then came the moment that still makes me ashamed.
Roger grabbed my phone. Yes, without being asked, he snatched it out of my hand to “prove a point.”
What I desperately wanted to expose in front of everyone was how boring my Instagram was. Excuse me, what?
He wanted to give me ‘feedback’, specifically about a raunchy video I made about vibrators that had reached over 4.3 million people, had 31.5k likes, and was something I was quietly very proud of.
Apparently, a real lady wouldn’t talk so publicly about vibrators. Well, the man chose the wrong audience to be “alpha”.
It was a clear “denial” tactic taught to men around the world in a wildly famous book called The Game.
For those unfamiliar with this book, The Game by Neil Strauss was the bible for aspiring pick-up artists in the early 2000s.
It promised to turn socially awkward men into irresistible Casanovas with tactics like ‘negging’ (insults disguised as compliments) and other embarrassing routines.
Think: “Make her feel insecure and she will love you more.” Disgusting.
Why the fuss? Basically, he turned dating into a manipulation Olympics, reducing women to prizes to be won.
Sure, it sold millions, but it also gave rise to a toxic culture where guys treat relationships like games instead of genuine connections.
Clearly, this man had read it, and since the book’s publication, its lessons have been recycled in toxic corners of the internet, rebranded for a new generation of ‘alpha’ wannabes.
The old “treat them badly and keep them interested” trick, something most of us thankfully left in the schoolyard years ago, was in full effect.
This tactic he thought would make me faint? Well, he miscalculated spectacularly.
My friends descended on him like a pack of mama bears, giving him a verbal beating that sent him running to the other end of the table while apologizing profusely. Oh how I love my friends.
But it wasn’t over yet. As we all said our goodbyes, he asked if he could take me out to dinner later that week.
Now, I’d love to say I took it down a notch, but at this stage, I was starting to feel a little sorry for this deluded man, so I politely tricked him with, ‘Yeah, let me go through my diary and get it.’ Back to you.’
As I walked home in mild disbelief at the guy I had just met, I began to wonder, ‘Is this really what’s out there now?’ And more importantly, why do so many men like Roger emerge?
The answer, dear reader, is in the so-called “male loneliness epidemic.”
Studies show that men are lonelier than ever, especially the middle-aged and divorced. And while loneliness is heartbreaking, some are responding the wrong way, diving headfirst into toxic internet advice on how to “win” at dating.
In comes a wave of ‘alpha’ jargon, denial tactics and unappealing attempts to mask insecurity with bravado.
Here’s the thing: Women’s standards are rising. We are educated, ambitious and emotionally aware of ourselves.
We’re not looking for perfection, but for respect, kindness, and genuine connection.
Internet scammers selling men “quick fixes” to their dating problems? They are selling lies. So let me share some hard truths for men:
How Men Can Be More Attractive (Without the Toxicity)
Get rid of denial
Insults wrapped in praise don’t make you seem intelligent or desirable; They make you look insecure (and we’ll assume you have a small penis).
Women have worked hard enough on our self-esteem to not see it collapse because some man feels intimidated. Genuine compliments are sexy; The negatives are vile.
stop talking about money
If you’re rich, great. But no woman worth her salt is dating you because of your bank balance.
We’re looking for emotional depth and funny jokes, not receipts for a boat.
Money talk = snoring. Tell us something worth supporting.
Treat your ex with respect
Speaking badly about your ex usually says more about you than about her.
If you can’t talk gracefully about your past relationships, then maybe don’t say anything at all. It’s a big detour.
Be curious, not arrogant
Instead of dominating the conversation, ask questions. Show genuine interest in the person you are talking to.
Trust me, this is where the magic happens. Explaining something to us will make us look for the nearest exit.
Disconnect (sometimes)
Those videos of toxic guys telling you how to ‘charm your way into their pants’ are designed to elicit clicks, not build relationships.
Find mentors or friends who model healthy, respectful connections and learn from them instead.
Not these YouTube weirdos sitting in their basements, masturbating about how men should be dominant creatures.
Roger and men like him are not inherently evil. They are simply lost, clinging to toxic ideologies that promise quick solutions to complex problems.
But until they change their minds, they will continue to be part of the “male loneliness epidemic,” wondering why women are sliding left faster than they can say “alpha.”
The solution? It’s not about wealth or status. It’s about respect, empathy and genuine human connection.
And until Roger realizes that, he’ll be denying himself to an empty bed.