I found out my wife of five years had an affair on a business trip – I don’t know whether to get a divorce

A man who discovered his wife of five years was having an affair during a recent business trip turned to the Internet for advice on whether to divorce.

The 26-year-old, believed to be from the US, took to Reddit. ‘Relationship advice’ thread to ask if your cheating spouse was ‘worth’ staying with you.

He explained that he had “a lot of hope” left in his marriage, but wanted to know if it would be a “waste of time” to stay with his wife of 25 years.

The man was soon inundated with comments from readers, most urging him to find someone who “respects and appreciates” him.

The post, which was shared last week, was titled: “I found out my wife was having an affair.” For those who stayed, was it worth it?

It said: ‘I found out about the affair that occurred on a recent work trip when my wife was out of town. It was pretty devastating, but it still hurts.

“After five years of marriage, I have a lot of hope left in the relationship, and to be honest, throwing in the towel takes some effort.”

The anonymous man continued: “For those in the know, cheating has a funny way of telling you what you want.”

“If you’re sorry and would never do it again and the action hurts you, it usually shows that it wasn’t worth it and that you value what you have.”

“Now, if you don’t feel bad and would do it again, you shouldn’t be in a relationship.”

He concluded: ‘Those who have been left with the same helpless hope in their relationship, was it worth it?

‘It was worth it? Did you waste your time to get hurt worse?’

The man’s post was soon flooded with comments, with most users insisting that his cheating wife wasn’t worth staying with.

One person wrote: ‘My ex also had an affair with me. I considered staying, just like you.

‘I didn’t even know what to do with myself, it was like my life had turned upside down. I’m going to tell you the most significant thing I heard when I was where you are.

‘You deserve someone who respects and appreciates you, always. Everybody does. Not when it’s convenient, not just when you’re at the top, and not just when you’re close.

‘I PROMISE that if you find someone who truly respects or appreciates you, you won’t even know what to do with yourself.’

The Reddit user responded: ‘First of all, thank you. That’s where I am basically. Staying up all night, restless, not knowing what to do with myself.

‘All I want to do is run, mentally and physically. Devoid of feelings and emotions, because I cannot afford to react. It hasn’t been fun, but I feel every word you said.

Another observer commented: ‘I tried for a couple of years, but I could never get the confidence back. I would pretend and even after therapy, he would do something and I would go back to the day I found out.

‘It didn’t help that he didn’t get a new job and thought he should get over it because he apologized and had no intention of getting involved with another woman. Over the years I have learned that cheating is not a mistake but a choice.

‘Every step they took, they could have stopped it, but they didn’t. They also don’t respect you or the marriage. They just didn’t want to give up the security and lifestyle they had in marriage.’

Someone else added: “Cheating is the end of 99 percent of relationships, whether that end is immediate or 10 years from now.” A cheater is never worth staying with, no matter how sorry they are.

‘Their confidence and self-esteem are eroded and they are constantly jumping over hurdles to prove their loyalty.

‘Over time, resentment builds and you eventually decide to throw in the towel you didn’t want to throw in all that time ago. Save yourself the trouble and find someone you won’t have to regret.

Someone else urged: ‘You’re 26 years old… it’s best to get divorced now and find someone who respects you and has a family. Or you could wait another five years until the inevitable divorce.

One person wrote: ‘Everyone deserves a second chance. Except cheaters. Cheaters, kicked to the curb.

Another person added: ‘I stayed after an affair that took place after 10 years of marriage. It was another 10 years before the inevitable divorce occurred.

“Some good things happened in those 10 years, but overall I wish I hadn’t wasted my time.”

Delving into his own experience, one reader commented: ‘Was it worth it?’ Not for me…I ended up getting divorced anyway. I couldn’t get over the anger, betrayal and resentment…not to mention how weak I felt for staying.’

Someone else commented: ‘No. She did it again and again because she, as she said, she had forgiven him once, so why not again?

However, on the other hand, there were those who took a different view of the situation.

One person wrote: “If you both want it to work, get counseling.”

Another added: ‘Is she sorry? Was it a one night stand?

Someone else commented: ‘It all comes down to trust. Do you think she’s trustworthy after betraying you on such a fundamental level?

‘Do you think she’ll be able to regain your trust, like she’ll ever get back what you had before?’

One reader added: ‘The only people I know who stayed did it for the children. There is almost never any other reason.

Elsewhere, another shared: ‘Was it worth it? Absolutely. I wouldn’t abandon my life partner for something as stupid as that. It’s insignificant to me.”