A woman has come under fire online after asking for opinions on whether she should allow her mother-in-law to visit her newborn, with some calling her “vindictive”.
The Australian-based mother took to the UK’s Mumsnet forum to get views on her dilemma and to reveal why she doesn’t want her husband’s mother to visit them.
In a lengthy post, the anonymous post said that she already has a five-year-old son and is expecting a baby soon.
Her mother will be visiting, and her mother-in-law, who lives a two-day drive away, wants to visit as well, but the sign says the woman “never asks if [she] it’s okay’, and he doesn’t help enough with his other child.
He also said that the woman is not up to date on her vaccinations and that she “is the type that only focuses on the baby and would not receive any help.”
An anonymous woman has revealed online that she does not want her mother-in-law to visit her, prompting angry responses from forum users (file image)
His post read: ‘I’ll try to keep it concise. I live in Australia, have a 5 year old with childhood diabetes and baby #2 on the way. They may have the same condition, making both of them more vulnerable to routine illnesses.
‘The husband often works abroad and cannot easily return home. In-laws are a short flight or 2 day drive away.
‘My AIBU is: My MiL keeps asking to come visit our baby in the few weeks after he is born. I want to say absolutely no for the following reasons:
‘-They have met my little boy 3 times as they visit once a year and we have gone to them once (only since we moved to Aus they never asked to come to the UK when he was born or the first 2 years of his life).
‘They never ask if I’m okay. Never offer to help in an emergency when my husband is away and cannot be reached. Last month I was hospitalized and my son had to spend 2 days at my friends house and MIL never once contacted me or offered to come help. I know it’s far away, but the offer alone or asking me if I’m okay would have meant a lot.
‘-She has nephews 4 times a week (and one at night) for BIL/SIL who also have other family help for childcare. There is no reason, they just seem to get as much help as possible with their children. What bothers me is that she often uses this as a reason why she can’t visit ‘I have the kids that day so I can’t travel’. Childcare is a bonus that is not required!
“All of this makes me feel like my family and kids are only convenient when it fits with her schedule and her other grandkids, and since she’s an anti-vaxxer who only visits once a year anyway when it’s convenient for her and never offers help in an emergency when I really need it, I feel like saying no to her. Absolutely not.
‘She can’t come when I just had a new baby and am recovering. She’s the type to only focus on the baby and I wouldn’t get any help.
According to the poster, there are several reasons why she doesn’t want her mother-in-law to visit her once she has the baby.
“Instead my mum offers to fly to Aus for a month and hopefully the dates will work out.”
His post continued: ‘AIBU [Am I Being Unreasonable] tell MIL no, he can’t come see our newborn. She can come once we know if he has any health issues (considering she is anti-vax) and so she would be a few months old at the time.
‘My husband said he’s not sure what my mother’s arrival will be like, but I don’t care anymore.
“My mum has been to Australia and is worse off financially than MIL, but she prioritizes coming to see us and her grandson (and has others she sees frequently).”
While some said the cartel was within its rights to prevent her mother-in-law from visiting her, most felt she was being unfair by treating her husband’s mother differently from her own.
Among those who support his position, one wrote that the mother-in-law could pose a health threat, writing: “It is too dangerous for an unvaccinated person to be in contact with a newborn baby.”
Some respondents felt that the poster was being reasonable.
Another added: ‘You’re doing the right thing! Tell her that you need to get a whooping cough shot to visit her. It looks like she won’t, so she’ll be the one to cancel, instead of you.
And a third wrote: ‘Of course you are not unreasonable. You want to take all necessary steps to safeguard your newborn’s health until you are aware of the situation.
‘If MIL is a loving grandmother, she would be happy to visit after a month because she wants to be supportive or she could easily get her vaccinations and take the necessary precautions to see her grandson sooner.
‘It’s MIL creating the ultimatum with his behavior. Unfortunately, stopping a MIL from doing something around them, no matter how reasonable, usually ends in a reprimand from all the other MILs.
However, many felt that his position was indefensible and did not hesitate to say so.
One wrote: ‘Sorry, but no. You can’t have your mom visit for a month, but say no to your THOUSAND of her seeing her new grandchild in those few weeks.
I am a mother of adult daughters and I would be horrified if my daughters took that attitude to their MILs. And I’d be ashamed to stay while the other grandpa stays away.
Another agreed, sharing a similar message that read: ‘One day you may be the MIL.
‘How will he feel if he is not allowed to visit his GC? [grandchild]?’
A third wrote: “You don’t like her, but she’s her granddaughter, and keeping her from seeing them seems pretty off putting, in my opinion.”
Many of the forum users felt that the poster was being unfair to their mother-in-law and shared their reasons why they felt that way.
And a fourth agreed, adding: “Apparently the boy’s father can’t show his new baby to his parents.” But he has to house his own THOUSAND from him for a month.
Meanwhile, a fifth said: ‘I can’t believe what I’m reading!
yabu [You Are Being Unreasonable].
‘You can’t be serious about not letting your mother see her grandson.
‘Why does your family have priority? You poor DH.