With my head down, I quickly walked back to my car after leaving my children at school, trying not to make visual contact with the other parents.
Then I noticed, one of the parents, who seemed vaguely familiar.
I didn’t know his name, but he knew mine, or at least my artistic name. I realized the way he looked twice that he recognized my tattoos. He had been the stripper at a Bucks party he attended the previous weekend.
Was it uncomfortable to know that a father of my children’s school had seen me naked? Yes, but that is far from being the only humiliation that I face daily at the door of the suburban school.
Feeling his gaze, I accelerated my rhythm, trying to avoid Stacey*, a jealous mother who has always given me a difficult time just because of what I am. She has accused me of taking drugs before, which is completely false.
At the end of the end of the year school a few years ago, after having my second child, she accused me of ‘being in crack’ for losing my baby’s weight quickly when I hadn’t.
She told me in front of all the other parents and teachers. I was deadly.
Due to my reputation, the load was in me to refute the ridiculous claim, not on it to prove it. I stood up for myself but I left feeling ashamed. On another occasion, Stacey assumed that he was taking drugs because my ex -husband was a member of a motorcycle gang, it is not true either.
I have used the ‘bad mom’ label for years. And I admit it, sometimes I am not as polished or fast as the other mothers in school, admits Nikki (in the photo with two of their children and their partner)
Being the most tattooed mother at the school door would always be a challenge, but I never thought it would be so difficult. Some parents think that I am “scary” or “hard” and they don’t talk to me. Teachers can also have a bad time.
I have taken the ‘Mum Bad’ label on my back for years. And I admit it, sometimes I am not as polished or fast as the other mothers in my children’s school.
I have done the morning school in Pajama, without makeup and my hair in a messy bun because I was being late. Then I have to sign them in the main office and show my face to explain why they were late: thanks to me.
I am forgetful and strange important dates, I am disorganized and my ADHD creates chaos. It’s just who I am. The mornings are definitely my enemy. Everything goes wrong, causing a dominated effect throughout the day.
Before continuing, it’s time for you to learn something about me: I used to be a stripper.
In my days of Stripper, I sometimes needed to leave them in boots to the thighs, shorts and a tetized top before going to work the early turn.
It is fair to say that I made many critical looks. On many occasions, I would see the other mothers encoding their husbands to look in my direction.
The teachers have scolded me to be late for the parents’ meetings and assume that I do not care about the education of my children. I received notes of them about sending my children to school with bruised fruit when it is all that I had in the pantry that day.

Nikki’s previous life as Stripper (in the photo) meant that he faced trial at the school door
For years, I avoided talking to other parents because I knew they were judging me. My anxiety was through the clouds in collection and fall. I know that tension drips for my children, who are rarely invited to birthday parties.
Despite my past, and despite my ADHD, I have tried to fit and be the best mom that I can be, but the truth is that I am short almost every time.
I have registered my three children, five, eight and 14, in extracurricular activities, but it made no sense: we would be late or lose the activities completely because of my lack of planning.
As a single father with limited support, I often juggle with everything at once and sometimes it may seem overwhelming.
Before having children, I had a photo in my head of what kind of mother was going to be: the guy who bakes cookies, makes arts and crafts every day and, in general, has a happy family.
But, boy, I was wrong. My life could not be further than I thought it would be.
Interestingly, the only time I felt like a “good mother” was when I was a stripper.
My mornings were less stirred, I had time during the day to be with my children, we were going to the beach and we built sand castles before going to work at night. In addition, the money was great.
Now part -time work in a tattoo study and as a comedian. My schedule is full of work. I wish I could be more present with my children, but my list of pending tasks is always endless and I trust the screen time to establish them.
Being a comedian also means that I can be a lot. Last August, I was abroad for five weeks acting at the Edimburg Fringe and I will do the same this year.
I felt that Mom’s ‘guilt’ was far so long. Before going abroad, I constantly received the same comments from other mothers.
‘How will you deal with being out so long? I could never do that. I missed my children too, they told me.
My ex -husband and I agreed to have children for alternate weeks and he has them full time when I’m out. Honestly, I love my ‘free time’ of being a mother, but at the end of the week I am so happy to see them again.
But despite my defects, I know that the home I have created for my children is completely different from the chaotic in which I grew up.
I had a wild education
I grew up in Rockingham, Perth, whom I like to call the ‘capital of methamphetamine and the single mother of Australia’.
My father was a drug dealer, but my family and I still went to the church every Sunday.
I was the accidental ‘snitch’ of the family. In Show and Tell, I would stand in front of the class and share ‘something exciting’ that happened during the weekend. On one occasion, I told everyone how the police had raided our house and “took Dad” because he was selling drugs. Another week, my mother told the teacher that my father was ‘outside’, but I let out, I was in jail, go.
In addition to treating, my father became addicted to drugs, which led my parents to divide when I was 15 years old. This sent shock waves through my family and severely impacted my mental health.
Fleeing with the circus at 15
When my parents separated, I went to live with dad. At that time, the circus used to come to the city once a week and some of the artists looking for a party bought drugs from my father.
One day, when I got home to school, he gave me an option: fleeing with the circus with him or going to live with mom. I chose the first option. Interestingly, my whole family did the same and my parents finally ended together.

Now part -time work in a tattoo study and, as a comedian, reveals Nikki
We travel with the circus for 12 months. I trained in acrobatics, but most of the time I was peeping with animals, cleaning pens or serving in the counter.
Finally, my parents decided to settle in Queensland, what I didn’t want to do, so I flew to Perth to live with my sister. I was 18 years old and still fought with my mental health at that time. Moving to a place where I had no friends did not help and I got so low that I tried to take my life.
Fortunately, I had no success.
When I was 23, I started undressing to get to the end of the month. After six weeks of working at the club, I met a bicycle and we started a relationship.
My parents were not delighted with my choice of man, but the truth is that he took me out of the bad patch through which he was going on at that time. Looking back, I can say with confidence that he saved my life.
It was a whirlwind romance. We moved together after three weeks and I got pregnant six months later.

My dad walks me down the hall in 2011 surrounded by motorcycles while married with a bike

It is fair to say that I have lived a life. I have been making comedy standing for three years and I also managed to know the love of my life: comedian companion Andrew (in the photo together)
I stopped undressing then and after welcoming our first child, we got married in 2011. Two more children followed, but finally we fell in love and were separated.
Lose my dad
I lost my dad for suicide on December 19, 2012, which crushed me.
Just a few days before, I had a conversation with him about how he wanted to take his life and I thought he had mentioned him. I still wonder if there is more that I could have done.
It is fair to say that I have lived a life. I have been doing a foot comedy during the last three years and I met my life, a Sydney comedian partner named Andrew. We are in a long distance relationship, but it works for us.
I have taken my life experiences and I made it a comedy program called Bad mothers. My philosophy is that it is important to laugh at yourself, otherwise you could cry.
I have realized that other mothers are not so scary after all. Since he shared the history of my life, many other women have resonated not being the ‘perfect mother’.
Now my job is to make people cry for laughter: it is a show for all bad mothers and cut them a little, because we are all doing our best.
- *The name has been changed. As told Carina Stathis
If you need support or someone to talk to in a personal crisis, call the Samaritans (United Kingdom) to 0116123 or Lifeline Australia at 13 11 14 14 14
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