It’s Thursday night and I just got back from a date. Unlike my normal tradition of kicking off my heels, drinking a large glass of water, and collapsing into bed with a face full of makeup, I open my laptop and prepare to download my ‘data’.
Yes. Data.
I’m trying a new “thing” and it’s really changing my dating game for the better. It may sound a little complicated, but believe me when I say it’s worth it.
It’s called the ABCD Rule, which stands for “Always Collect Data,” and my favorite TikToker, Courtney Shields, recently invented it.
This week she put on a lush body tanner while explaining this new dating technique and it’s great.
‘I’m trying a new ‘thing’ and it’s really changing my dating game for the better. It may seem like a bit of a tedious process, but believe me when I say it’s worth it,” Jana said.
“There’s a rule you have to follow at the beginning when you talk to someone new,” he said.
He then explains what ABCD means and explains that it’s important because “you should always worry more about whether you like him than whether he likes you.”
Oh, that’s not the truth! As someone who has a whole process of getting ready for a date (tanning the night before, washing my hair in the morning to allow it to settle before trying to curl it, face full of makeup while I drink pre-date wine, playlist from Spotify). to get in the mood, and yes, the occasional list of talking points), it’s safe to say that I spend most of the date wondering if I’m giving off enough ‘va va voom’ and not focusing enough on who I really am . on a date with.
Courtney further explained why it’s so important to focus more on a date than yourself.
‘Reminder, you don’t know this man. You are in the data collection phase, which means you are observing it. You’re just listening and you believe him when he tells you things because you’re collecting the data,” he said.
Ahh, yes, the old Oprah Winfrey who says, ‘When someone tells you who they are, believe them!’
Intelligent.
“It’s called the ABCD Rule, which stands for ‘Always Collecting Data,’ and my favorite TikToker, Courtney Shields, recently invented it,” Jana said.
I pondered what data I should collect and came up with the following, which you can steal for your own use:
He made me laugh?
Did you have interesting things to say? Were you involved in the conversation?
Was it a fun date or did I make it fun?
Could you enjoy their company on a long road trip?
Did he seem to be listening to what I said? And ask questions?
Can I imagine kissing him or would I simply enjoy a friendship with this man more?
Was I being authentic with him or did I feel like I needed to act?
Does it make me feel comfortable?
Would I be excited to go on another date with him?
Does he show signs of intelligence?
Is it driven?
Was he reading my body language when it came to making the first move, or did it feel forced? What kind of relationship do you have with his family?
And then there’s the data you need to collect to stay safe, like;
Have you been in jail?
Have you ever been arrested? If so, for what?
Do you speak good or bad about your exes?
Was he kind to the people around you?
Does he seem calm or nervous?
Can I tell you it’s working?
He even made me remove a guy from my list. Sure, he has incredible social standing and a beautiful full head of hair, but if I’m honest with myself, I’ve always felt smarter than him on dates. He tells me things that are common knowledge and all I can think is ‘well, sure!’ Plus, his long stories tend to put me to sleep.
Once I actively collected data on him, he failed the test. Not even close.
It’s annoying that the guy I really like got great results with the data. It’s fun, it makes me feel comfortable, the conversation flows and I like to think we have fun anyway. But he’s really giving off those ‘I just don’t like you that much’ vibes.
How can I know? I collected the data.
Damn data!
At the end of the day, I think it’s a brilliant trick to prevent you from falling head over heels in love with a failure. I also read somewhere that you should be constantly listening on a date, in an attempt to gather data about what will make them fall head over heels in love with you. It’s like a dark seduction tactic. For example, if they say they really like crime podcasts, why not listen to some to have good conversation topics? Boom! You have a connection.
So if you want to date smarter, stop evaluating a date based on how horny they made you and instead start collecting data. It’s working wonders for me.