For even the biggest reveler, the siren song to stay inside is never stronger than on New Year’s Eve. Even if you’ve got a party to go to, or picked out a gorgeous outfit, there’s a certain appeal to…doing none of it and just hanging out. The night starts off great, of course, but New Year’s Eve tends to spiral into confusion, both drunk and sober. Since the holiday is amorphous, everyone has their good nights, their bad nights, and the nights when they did nothing at all.
Here are some options for at least having a fun night on New Year’s Eve wherever you are.
Miley’s New Year’s Eve party
Where to watch: NBC or Peacock
When: Starting at 10 p.m. ET
What it is: A new tradition could be forming. Last year, Miley and Pete Davidson were able to put on what appears to be the best Millennial New Year’s TV spectacle possible. They told corny jokes, acted in skits funnily enough, sang some songs and generally gave a good feeling. They were a mess, but they were U.S crap, damn it.
Pete, who has had an extremely busy year, is not involved. But Miley called in the fake cavalry and instead added her godmother, Dolly Parton, to the show.
That’s a pretty big upgrade, and the show will also feature Latto, Sia, Rae Sremmurd, rock band Liily (?) and singer-songwriter Fletcher (??). The show will also feature some classic NBC synergy with SNLby Chloe Fineman and Sarah Sherman. The meeting of Dolly Parton and Sarah Sherman, otherwise known as Sarah Squirm from her earlier days as an indie sassy comedian, could very well produce an energy hitherto undocumented in the solar system.
New Year’s Eve live with Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen
Where to watch: CNN, CNN apps or CNNgo
When: Starting at 8 PM ET
What it is: Things usually go smoothly in the transient world of New Year’s Eve hosts, because how can you screw up a gig like this? You crack jokes, introduce musical guests, and when you’re on CNN, you drink heavily. For years now, for some reason, CNN has chosen New Year’s Eve as its annual opportunity to strip back whatever credibility it has as a news organization and let everyone just waste it. Don Citroen got his ear pierced after beating tequila shots! People love it!
Until last year, when Bravo’s Andy Cohen ranted with joy as outgoing New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio left office. “The one thing Democrats and Republicans can agree on is what a terrible mayor he has been. So, sayonara sucker!” No matter how accurately he captured the feeling in New York, it wasn’t like the kind of thing CNN typically broadcasts.
That sentiment moved all the way to the station’s president, Chris Licht, who ordered the hosts to back off. But not quite, like Max Tani from Semafor pointed out. The directive has gone back and forth, allowing Anderson Cooper and Cohen to drink now, though Cooper is apparently “concerned about the perception that only the two white hosts are allowed to drink.” So then that line got reversed, with Licht saying he doesn’t prefer drinking on the air at all, which apparently pissed off Don Lemon.
So come to CNN this New Year, where no one knows what’s going to happen!
Dick Clark’s New Year’s Eve party with Ryan Seacrest
Where to watch: ABC
When: Starting at 8 PM ET
What it is: The New Year’s Eve TV appearance first began with Dick Clark, whose Rocking New Year’s Eve was the first real challenger to Guy Lombardo’s big band, which dominated radio and TV for decades. to rock is now a colossal in itself, a rare living connection to how television worked in the twentieth century. Dick Clark has passed away, but Seacrest sticks to Clark’s vision of a broad, happy New Year.
This year’s guests prove it: Usher (from Las Vegas), Kevin Hart, Ellie Goulding, Patti LaBelle, REO Speedwagon, Nick Cannon, Jenifer Lewis, John Stamos, Tenacious D’s Jack Black and Kyle Gass, Jean Smart, Cheri Oteri, Ava Max and more! No matter who you are, chances are you probably like at least someone on this list. It’s guaranteed to be a fun time, at least for the few minutes your favorite is on the air before getting bumped by Stamos.
In his drunken tirades last year, CNN’s Andy Cohen also took a few shots at Ryan Seacrest, making the to rock crew a “group of losers” whose show was the equivalent of “watching nothing”. Although he later apologized, the damage was done. Seacrest will co-host with Billy Porter, Ciara, D-Nice and Rosalyn Sanchez, all of whom will be hosting their own parties across the country with their own musical stars.
“I’m not advocating drinking if one is on the air. I don’t know how that started as a tradition, but it’s probably a good idea to scale back, he told USA Today. Seacrest doesn’t promise to drink until 1 a.m., so everything’s on air from 8 p.m. on ABC
The Shaq-tacular Spectacle
Where to watch: Meta Horizon Worlds or Meta Quest TV (on your Meta Quest 2 VR headset)
When: oculus. com claims the event starts at 6:30pm ET and goes on until 3am. How does that play out with this seemingly hour-long special? We don’t know exactly.
What it is: Meta keeps trying to live up to Meta, and in the context of New Year’s celebrations, “trying to make it” means spending loads of money on celebrities. The pre-recorded event, which is only an hour long, features Cardi B, Ludacris, Lil Yachty, Killer Mike, Whipped Cream, and DJ Diesel (that’s Shaq). There will also be professional roller skaters, cheerleaders, a basketball court and a marching band.