The label narcissist has often been used to describe anyone who displays selfish or harmful behavior.
But there are very important characteristics and behaviors that only narcissists exhibit that can deepen the traumatic impact they can have on your life.
It’s important to note that not all toxic men are narcissists, but many narcissists are out there wreaking havoc without a narcissist label.
In fact, a true narcissist would never accept the definition and would never believe that he is doing anything wrong.
While a selfish man may display damaging behaviors, a true narcissist has a deeper, more pervasive set of traits, says Caroline Strawson
If confronted, they skillfully manipulate any situation to make someone else (usually the victim) believe that they are the abuser.
While a selfish man may display harmful behaviors, a true narcissist has a deeper, more pervasive set of traits. Here are the key differences between a narcissist and someone who simply behaves very badly.
Grandiosity/superiority
Narcissistic: He will exhibit an exaggerated sense of his own importance, exaggerating his achievements and talents. He believes he is superior to others. He expects special treatment.
Selfish husband: He may display arrogance or boastfulness, but this does not permeate every aspect of his identity.
Need for admiration
Narcissistic: He craves constant validation and admiration and is often preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, and brilliance.
Selfish husband: You may enjoy attention and praise, but you don’t have an insatiable need for it. Your self-esteem is not as dependent on external validation.
Lack of empathy
Narcissistic: Demonstrates a profound inability to recognize or care about the feelings and needs of others. This lack of empathy is a fundamental trait (but can be skillfully masked).
Selfish husband: He may show selfishness and contempt towards others, but can exhibit true empathy in certain situations.
A narcissist is unwilling or unable to acknowledge any faults.
Controlling behavior
Narcissistic: Uses manipulation tactics such as gaslighting to make the victim doubt their perceptions. Uses coercive control to dominate and belittle.
Selfish husband: Can be manipulative in certain situations, but is able to recognize errors and change behavior.
Feel true remorse
Narcissistic: He is unable to take responsibility for his actions. He lacks the capacity for true self-reflection and personal growth, is unwilling or unable to acknowledge his mistakes, and rarely, if ever, takes responsibility for his actions (if he does, it is a manipulative act to trap you back into his clutches).
Selfish husband: A self-centered man can recognize his harmful behavior, feel remorse, and make a conscious effort to change. He can show growth and change over time and can sincerely apologize and modify his behavior.
Trigger stress
Narcissistic: Survivors often suffer from chronic stress, are always on edge and tread carefully, trying to predict the narcissist’s next move. This state can cause long-term health problems.
Selfish husband: A bad relationship can cause stress, but it may not lead to the same level of constant hypervigilance. The body’s response to stress may be situational rather than chronic.
How To Heal After Narcissistic Abuse by Caroline Strawson (Hay House UK, £12.99) is available now. © Caroline Strawson 2024. To order a copy for £11.69 (offer valid until 2 September 2024; free UK p&p on orders over £25), visit mailshop.co.uk/books or call 911-222-2222. 020 3176 2937.
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