The six tough questions to ask once your relationship is ‘official’: ‘What counts as cheating? Which secrets are okay?’
- Jeff Guenther is a licensed counselor and marriage expert
- He listed the six questions new couples should ask each other
- They include how to break up and what to keep private
A therapist has listed the six questions all couples should ask each other at some point in a committed relationship in order to have a healthier — and potentially more lasting — union.
Jeff Guenther, a licensed counselor with a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, regularly shares his advice with fans after years of working in crisis shelters and in his own private practice.
The expert, who passes by ‘therapy jeffshared his latest list of questions to encourage new couples to tackle the important topics as early as possible.
1. What counts as cheating?
Can you hug a button? Flirt with the barista? Making a new canine friend without telling your partner about it?
“A lot of people end up on the couch because there was no discussion or agreement about what infidelity is,” said Jeff of Portland, Oregon.
2. Are there certain things you mutually agree to keep private?
Jeff explained that these are essentially secrets to keep to yourself.
What if an ex texts you? What if a friend doesn’t like your new cutie? Do they want to know?’ He said.
‘What do you want to keep private and what do you expect to be clearly laid out on the table?’
3. Does this milestone (a defined relationship) make you more confident or anxious?
Does it feel like there is suddenly more risk? Does the insecurity go away or does it give you the freedom to feel more comfortable with yourself?
Jeff urges couples to explore this topic in a vulnerable and non-judgmental way.
4. Do expectations change and if so how?
‘Are we going to hang out more? Am I your primary emotional support? Are you my emergency contact? Or will everything stay the same except the label,” Jeff said.
‘Talk about it.’
5. How can we make each other feel safer?
The best way to start this conversation is to define what the new labels are.
‘[And] besides labeling the relationship, can we do anything else to create a greater sense of security and ease?’ Jeff continued.
“Do you have to make an announcement on Instagram? Put it in the official group chat? Meet the parents? Are there fears that we can take away with actions?’
6. How should we part ways?
This, Jeff admitted, is a “downer” topic.
“I hope you have the long-term relationship you deserve and desire…but many relationships eventually end,” he said.
Talking about how you wish your partner would end things if and when that time ever comes can make a breakup a little less horrible.
“Having that conversation now while both of you are excited about your new commitment can take some of the sting out.”
The 12 questions all couples should be able to answer about each other
1. What makes your partner laugh and cry?
2. What are they passionate about?
3. How did their family influence their growth?
4. What makes them angry?
5. Do they have spiritual beliefs and how do they influence their life choices?
6. What are their defining moments?
7. What is most important to them?
8. How would they define success?
9. What support do they need when they are stressed or sad?
10. What are they most proud of about themselves?
11. What makes them instantly light up inside?
12. How do they recharge their emotional batteries?