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Strong friendships are essential to our well-being, but sometimes our relationships with people we consider long-time friends can do us more harm than good.
Unreliability, lying, or hurtful behavior can destroy a once-healthy friendship, but it’s often hard to recognize the signs that it’s time to move on.
However, it is crucial that we do so. Dealing with negativity, criticism or drama can leave us feeling exhausted and undermine our self-esteem. The emotional toll of a bad friendship can even manifest itself physically, in the form of headaches, sleep problems and long-term stress.
So how do you know when it’s time to “break up” with a friend?
Psychologist Dr. Felicity Baker gives her advice on how to end a friendship
Signs include feeling nervous when you see them or anxious when you receive their messages. It may even feel like an obligation to spend time with them. Where you once shared your problems and secrets, you no longer feel emotionally safe.
Here we tell you how to recognize when a friendship is over (and why) and walk away without regret…
TOXIC FRIENDSHIP
A friendship becomes toxic when the relationship negatively affects your self-esteem and overall happiness. Your friend may criticize or be dismissive of you, react resentfully to your accomplishments, or deceive you when you try to raise concerns with them. This can lead to self-doubt as you question your own experiences.
A toxic friendship can also be unbalanced, as it focuses on your friend’s needs rather than your own. You may end up trying to please them or blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault. Toxic friends may react to difficult situations by excluding you or being overly demanding and needy.
How to get out: Don’t ignore the warning signs by convincing yourself that their thoughtless behavior “isn’t that bad” or that they “didn’t mean any harm” when they insult you.
Confrontation can be scary, but failing to set boundaries for fear of conflict can mean the situation never changes.
If you can, meet up with the person, calmly explain your feelings, and explain that you have nothing to gain from the friendship. You don’t have to listen to reproaches or anger; sometimes, walking away means just that. Or it may be easier to write down your feelings; avoid insults or personal attacks, just express how you feel and wish them the best.
FRIENDSHIP ADRIFT
Sometimes friendships, particularly those with a strong, positive history, can go off track. It may not be necessary to end the friendship for good, as long as both partners accept the fact that things have gone off track and feel able to reestablish the connection, if they wish to do so.
However, if you feel like you don’t have much in common anymore and keeping in touch starts to feel like an obligation, it’s time to let it go for good.
How to get out: In this case, it’s good to have the conversation, rather than ignore it. A simple message, saying, “I want you to be happy, but I don’t think either of us are getting much out of our old friendship,” gives you a chance to say goodbye.
Recognizing that things have changed is often enough to close the chapter on a positive note.
THE UNBALANCED FRIENDSHIP
When a friend is going through tough times, it’s natural for the other to step up and offer more support. But sometimes this one-sidedness continues and one ends up feeling unsupported or taken for granted.
The emotional toll of a bad friendship can even manifest itself physically, through headaches, sleep problems, and long-term stress.
If things have been different in the past, having an open conversation about how you feel could help restore balance. Even seeking outside perspectives from people you trust could help both of you clarify your feelings and find a way to move forward.
But if your friend is unable or unwilling to acknowledge your feelings and restore equality, you may feel like you don’t want to give any more, and walking away may be the best option to preserve your own mental health and well-being.
How to get out: Talk to your friend as soon as you notice changes that affect your confidence and well-being. This will give you a chance to understand what went wrong and decide if the friendship can be saved. But if the problems in your friendship have become deep-rooted, it may be too late. If you’ve been seriously hurt, ignored or unsupported, feel manipulated, or have had trust broken in other ways, the relationship may not be worth saving and it may be best to walk away.
* ultimateresilience.co.uk
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