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Who wouldn’t secretly enjoy being the sexiest person in the room? Of course, most of us consider it impossible. We believe that our age, face or figure rule us out. But fortunately, we are wrong. “This has nothing to do with appearance or overt sexuality,” says psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist Clare Faulkner. We all know people who are not conventionally beautiful or handsome, but who become more and more attractive as we get to know them (unfortunately, the opposite is also true). Anyone can increase their sex appeal. Here, Clare lists the ingredients and skills vital to becoming an object of desire…
FOCUS ON THE FEELINGS, NOT ON THE LOOKS
Confidence is undeniably attractive. When you exude self-confidence and feel comfortable in your own skin, others are naturally drawn to you. So how can we nourish it? Developing confidence is about knowing your value, your strengths, and learning to be yourself unapologetically. Developing a unique style is part of this. It’s not about dressing “well” or “sexy”, but about presenting yourself in the way that suits you best. Style can reflect your personality and make you feel confident. We can also improve our self-confidence by focusing on how we feel, rather than how we look.
TV chef Nigella Lawson is the epitome of being the sexiest person in the room
RELAX YOUR POSTURE
Body language is a big part of this. Think about cultivating a relaxed posture, making eye contact, smiling frequently, using your body in a way that is welcoming and draws people in. Use gestures and facial expressions to convey warmth and interest. This also ensures that confidence doesn’t turn into arrogance (although that can be sexy too, especially if we’re willing to have an affair instead of getting married!). But usually, when there is a conversational spark, it’s not because one person is talking non-stop. There is balance, equal sharing, give and take: a beautiful dance is taking place.
WHY SENDING TEXTING IS SO UNSEXY
If you are restless, nervous or distracted, your attention is focused inward. In contrast, people who have “presence” seem comfortable and calm in their own skin. Because they are not self-aware, they are able to give their full attention to others, to really notice what is going on, which is very seductive.
You can help cultivate this calm by practicing yoga, which connects you to your body and the outside world. When we feel balanced and stress-free, we are more available to interact with other people.
Or, if yoga isn’t your thing, try hitting the pause button. We’re all so busy, always focused on work or “life management,” that it makes it harder to connect with people. We need to soften more, be intuitive and slow down. So try to stay in the moment. Turn off your notifications and save that screen. When you’re stuck on his phone, texting, it’s very unsexy. It doesn’t make you seem important or sought after, but rather it sends a signal that you simply aren’t connected to the person in front of you, which is very off-putting. If you want to be magnetic, try to be fully present in the room, not in the corner of your phone.
GET BRIGHT
Charisma is about how you behave and also how you interact with others. The energy you project is important (if that sounds fascinating, think about how some people make you feel tired and deflated, while others seem to light up the room with joy). It is not difficult to shine with wonderful energy. It’s about getting involved, being genuinely interested in the other person, and really listening. When you are curious and ask questions, naturally and not in an interrogation style, that enthusiasm is contagious and exciting. People feel a chill and don’t want to leave your orbit.
‘Sensuality is defined in the dictionary as “the enjoyment, expression or pursuit of physical, especially sexual, pleasure.”
THE INGENIOUS WIN HEARTS
Being genuine plays an important role in sexual attractiveness. So embrace your unique quirks and interests, foster a sense of purpose, and let your true personality shine. Authenticity is the key here. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Being passionate about what you care about is captivating. That said, extreme seriousness can be a bit emotionally draining, which is why humor and authenticity are great bedfellows. Witty intelligence is very sexy.
CONNECT TO THE SENSORY WORLD
Sensuality is defined in the dictionary as “the enjoyment, expression or pursuit of physical, especially sexual, pleasure.” But putting sexual pleasure aside for a moment, there is something very seductive about a person who enjoys simply being alive and using her senses. For me that’s what’s sexy is. If you can, really embrace your senses fully. Connect with your sensory world, whether savoring the feel of the air on our skin, the smells of spring, or the taste of delicious food. Eroticism is not something that simply happens between the sheets. When we are connected to our senses, it radiates. Not convinced? Two words: Nigella Lawson. Many men say, “The way she talks about food is so sexy.” Another great way to brush up on your sensory connection is to dance. So if you want to improve your sex appeal, eat, dance, enjoy life!