A London couple went through one of the most difficult times in their marriage as one of them “lived a double life” for 15 years.
In 2018, Lucy Clark told her wife Avril Clark that she was transgender and for years she tried to get her partner to come out to the world but Lucy feared that it would affect her career.
But the opposite happened when Lucy moved from refereeing football to managing Sutton United Women in south London.
His wife, Avril, runs Distinction Support, an online network that helps couples supporting trans and non-binary people.
“I needed to talk to someone who knew how I felt,” Avril said. Associated Press. ‘And I looked around and there was no group that was for me.
In 2018 Lucy Clark (left) told her wife Avril Clark (right) that she was transgender and for years she tried to get her partner to come out to the world, but Lucy feared it would affect her career.
Avril runs Distinction Support, an online network that supports supportive partners of trans and non-binary people.
‘They were full of people who were very angry and bitter and didn’t want anyone else’s relationship to work because their relationship hadn’t worked.’
Lucy was almost sure she would have had to give up her love for the game, but instead, she grew in her career after her transition.
When Avril took over her support network in 2017, it had just 50 members worldwide, but today there are “well over 500.”
The Reddit group r/mypartneristrans, which describes itself as “a supportive, educational and safe space for trans and gender diverse couples,” has 61,000 members.
In the online group, members discuss topics related to the obstacles they face in their relationship with their transgender partner.
Some of those topics include discussions about unwelcoming relatives, pregnancy and sex, and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
The group also discusses how to categorize the sexual orientation of a cisgender couple, or when a woman wonders if she is now a lesbian because she is married to a woman, like Avril.
Lucy (pictured) was almost certain she would have had to give up her love of the game, but instead grew in her career after her transition.
Avril explained that some people refer to themselves as “heteroflexible,” including herself.
“It doesn’t mean ‘I’m a lesbian’ or ‘I’m gay,'” she said. “It just means ‘I’m willing to be flexible with this person.'”
Avril explained that her group is made up of 90 percent cisgender women and five percent transgender or non-binary people who also have a transitioning partner.
She added that the remaining five percent of the group are cisgender husbands.
Kristie Overstreet, a sexologist and psychotherapist who says she has worked with trans people for 18 years, says about 2 in 5 relationships survive a transition.
Meanwhile, Kelly Wise, a sex therapist in Pennsylvania, estimates that about half of the relationships in her practice that undergo a gender transition end, for many reasons.
“Gender identity milestones often arise at times when many things are evolving within people and their relationships,” Wise said.
A recent report from the United States Census Bureau report on same-sex households does not reflect marriages in transition because the the office doesn’t ask questions On gender identity.
Although data on this specific topic is scarce, both therapists and couples tend to thrive once the newfound honesty is revealed.
Avril’s online group discusses how to categorize the sexual orientation of a cisgender partner, or when a woman wonders if she is now a lesbian because she is now married to a woman like her.
Kristie Overstreet, a sexologist and psychotherapist who says she has worked with trans people for 18 years, says about 2 in 5 relationships survive a transition.
Another couple also survived a transition, as Marissa Lasoff-Santos, a gay woman, was married to a bisexual woman.
Lasoff-Santons’ partner has now become her husband, and both identify as queer.
“We’ve always had this deep connection, so I never stopped loving him through all of this,” said Lasoff-Santos, a 33-year-old librarian in Michigan.
“I feel more and more attracted to him. I guess part of it is because of the trust I have in him since he seems so happy.”
‘Even though he was the one transitioning, I felt like I was going through my own transition.
“It was definitely hard, I guess, not to seem kind of selfish, because I was going through all these emotions and he was going through his own journey.”
Lasoff-Santos used to admit to herself that she could never marry a man, but now she finds it “hilarious” that she is.
She and her husband married in 2018 when he was beginning his transition. They had their son in 2021.
“It doesn’t mean ‘I’m a lesbian’ or ‘I’m a gay person,'” she said. “It just means, ‘For this person I’m willing to be flexible,'” Avril said.
Lasoff-Santos said that when her son sees photos of her husband before he transitioned, he simply says, “Dad with the long hair.”
Another couple, Rhiannon Rippke-Koch, 45, and her wife Sophia Koch, who recently transitioned, went through a similar experience.
The first time Sophia was able to be herself on a weekend trip to Des Moines, Rhiannon said, “it was amazing.”
“I took her to Victoria’s Secret and asked them to measure her for a bra,” Rippke-Koch said.
“And I took her to Sephora, and they did, you know, the whole makeup thing, you know, with color palettes, and they showed her how to do her eyeshadow and foundation and all that kind of stuff.”
Rhiannon said that since her wife’s transition, she and Sophia are “much more intimate,” but not just in the sexual sense.
But we talk about things more. We have more things in common now than before.
