How ‘grey divorce’ reshapes family dynamics: When older couples split, fathers are more likely to lose touch with their children, study finds

Divorce is always complicated: you have to think about finances, living conditions and, of course, children.

But when it comes to older couples going their separate ways, parents are more likely to lose contact with their children, a study suggests.

In recent years there has been a growing trend towards “grey divorce”, when couples in long-term marriages separate after age 50.

Now, researchers have studied the impact this has on your children.

The scientists analyzed data from 9,000 people, focusing on the frequency of contact with their parents, emotional closeness and support, and how these were affected by the emergence of a gray divorce.

They found that the effects vary significantly depending on the gender of both the parent and the child involved.

First, the study found that gray divorce generally leads to a decrease in the frequency of contact between adult children and their parents.

On the other hand, there was an increase in the frequency of contact and emotional closeness with mothers.

The researchers also found that the consequences of divorce were generally more pronounced in father-daughter relationships, which experienced greater decreases in both frequency of contact and emotional closeness compared to father-son relationships.

Meanwhile, mother-daughter relationships often showed a strengthening of emotional bonds.

Zafer Büyükkeçeci, from the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research in Germany, led the research.

He said: ‘Fathers tend to experience greater stress after divorce in parent-child relationships compared to mothers.

‘The reasons for the disparity could be that traditionally, mothers tend to maintain closer ties with their children.

Relationships between mother and daughter often showed a strengthening of emotional bonds after divorce (file image)

‘Adult children might even strengthen ties with mothers to compensate for the loss of a marital confidant.

“Studies also show greater emotional and practical support for mothers later in life.”

He also said that fathers may lose their role as “guardians of the family” after divorce, leading to greater social isolation.

A ‘relative guardian’ is someone who helps family communication, plans meetings and helps the family stay in touch.

The study, published in The Journals of Gerontology: Series B, says: ‘The health, well-being and social integration of older parents is strongly linked to the presence of a partner in the home and the intergenerational solidarity of adult children.

‘The rise in gray divorce could undermine these two critical resources, as older people who separate not only lose their partner but may also damage relationships with their adult children.

‘Our central finding is the contrasting impact for mothers and fathers. A gray divorce tilts adult children’s solidarity toward mothers and puts fathers at greater risk of social isolation.’