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In my corner of Oxfordshire, it seems Christmas is a competitive sport. It’s always easy for the truly posh to spot the nouveau riche trying too hard, and this year, the upstarts have a new name. Pretenders trying to be posh are now known as HENRYs, or to give them their official classification: High Income, Not Rich Yet.
Some play a convincing hand most of the year, but at Christmas, their inner Hyacinth Bucket often gives the game away. Not to be confused with the classic Hooray Henry, which is seriously stylish and you couldn’t hide it if you tried, HENRYs can be quickly and easily identified at any holiday gathering – here are the eight best instant gifts…
COVER THE HALLWAYS WITH THE DEAD GIVEAWAY
Nothing says HENRY like a strict color theme and/or excessive and super careful decoration. They are trying too hard. The elaborate exterior decorations are a gift, and none more so than those done by the professional decorators they hire. (It’s no coincidence that many of these decorators’ websites feature fake homes and not real Georgian ones.) For the truly elegant, outside the home there should be nothing but an elegant wreath on the door. Or, in an instant, a Cox & Cox garden tree illuminated with white lights. Only.
Inside, the Hooray Henrys will have a real tree that is a mix of handmade decorations and decorations passed down from generation to generation (the older the better) and possibly collected on their excursions through Europe. Expect hand-painted ornaments that once belonged to great-grandparents and are worth a bomb today but are thrown on the tree as if they cost nothing at all.
The newer and more combined they are, the more HENRY you will own. All blue and silver? A dead giveaway, like tinsel, unless, warns a very intelligent friend, that it belonged to a beloved relative and is wrapped in tissue paper every year.
Elegant greenery includes holly, ivy and mistletoe cut from the garden (or farm). HENRYs tend to display wedding level flowers or artificial flowers.
IT WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE. . .
A Hooray Henry family will spend Christmas Eve preparing vegetables, eating a big ham and baked potatoes, then it will all begin with midnight mass, terribly splashing, singing loudly and always completing the counterpoint of O Come All Ye Faithful. Food intolerances are not tolerated. Gluten free is for the picky eaters.
HENRYs are more likely to throw a cocktail party with expensive soft drinks, canapés and uniformed waitresses.
The HENRYs will introduce a new silver service or an obviously expensive and matching (i.e. not hand-me-down) dinner service.
COOKIE TABLES
Some decoration on the table is always inevitable – it’s the festive season, but again, Hoorays won’t stick to a theme. If everything is new, then everything is nouveau.
And it is not a table without a hint of tarnish, because the proper posh thing will be to bring out the mismatched family silverware and the old – possibly stained and surely threadbare – linen tablecloths.
The HENRYs, on the other hand, will be creating a new silver service or obviously expensive and matching (i.e., non-inherited) dinner service. Other clues are bottles of sauce on the table (absolutely not if you’re fancy) and matching glasses (ditto). The cook always gets a glass.
The HENRYs have also managed to buy up the entire supply of stratospherically expensive Liberty table cookies.
IS YOUR PUDDING ELEGANT?
That day, it’s turkey (Kelly Bronze is the fancy person’s favorite bird) with traditional vegetables. The HENRYs are more likely to eat Ottolenghi Brussels sprouts (delicious but not Christmassy, darling), while the truly posh ones peel their own chestnuts (Merchant Gourmet in a snap).
For the Hooray Henrys, the roast potatoes are made with goose fat and the cranberry sauce and bread sauce are made from scratch. Christmas pudding is homemade if you eat from the family silver and is more likely to be Harrods or Harvey Nicks for the Loadsamoneys. Subtle nuances, but immediately obvious to those who know.
DRESSING UP MOBILE
The older the house, the less reliable the heating, and if the house has been inherited, the elegant party will pair their velvet dresses with thick sweaters and 60-denier tights, and bring Hunter or Chameau and Barbour wellies for later of the church. walk. More is more.
Naturally, a HENRY home will be warm as toast and packed with luxuries like underfloor heating and heated towel rails. To do this, clothing will be scarcer; an off-the-shoulder top, bare (self-tanned) legs, a sequin tube for boobs. Hold. Less is more.
PRESENT AND CORRECT
This is where the HENRYs quickly become exposed; stockings in the morning and gifts after smoked salmon and soda are elegant. Opening them all quickly the moment you open your eyes is not. Elegant people like reasonably inexpensive and well-thought-out gifts. Anyone who bought everyone a Tiffany bracelet has made a serious faux pas. Not only is it showing off, but it emphasizes your wealth. It’s really not the thing to do, honey.
TO TV OR NOT TO TV?
No matter how palatial the sink or how big the telly, the only television acceptable to high society on Christmas Day is the King’s Speech, so everything else must stop. Watching it to catch up doesn’t count. Posh people’s entertainment consists of games: charades (not Give Us a Clue), the Hat and Sardines Game. According to The Crown, the Royal Family says yes to Ibble Dibble, and many former Etonians (and the like) say yes.
A pug is a very HENRY dog, as is anything that fits in a purse. They are much more likely to be locked in the utility room or trunk, away from food and fun.
THE BEST DOGS
Fancy dogs include Labs, Spaniels, and, if the house is large enough, Great Danes. Everyone buys gifts for the dogs (the children may not buy anything for their mother, but they buy something for Nala), like pig ears from the butcher, which have to be wrapped. And of course, the dogs ‘buy and wrap’ surprisingly luxurious and always practical gifts for all the guests. Dogs can climb on couches, urinate in corners, shed fur everywhere, and rip up wrapping paper to leave it everywhere.
HENRY dogs are more likely to be cockapoos, pugs or anything that fits in a bag, and are much more likely to be locked in the utility room or trunk, away from food and fun.
- Annabel Roberts is a pseudonym