A heartbroken mother feels “completely betrayed” after her pregnant niece “stole” her late daughter’s name for her own baby.
The woman, believed to be from the US, took to Reddit’s Am I The A**hole thread with a candid post to unravel the details of the family feud.
She explained that she and her late daughter shared the same name as part of a long family tradition and that she was upset that her niece had decided to use it.
Most readers decided she was the one in the wrong, but what do you think?
The woman, believed to be from the US, took to Reddit’s Am I The A**hole thread with a candid post to unravel the details of the family feud (file image)
The post, which has since been deleted, was titled: ‘Am I a moron for being angry that my niece stole my dead daughter’s name?’
He The woman explained candidly: ‘My adult daughter died 13 years ago. We share a first name since she is a last name.
‘The tradition has always been that this is the name given to the first daughter of the first daughter of each generation for over 100 years. My mom, my daughter and I share this name.
‘When my niece got pregnant six years ago, she asked me if I had a girl if she could use that name.
‘Note that she did not ask to use it as a tribute. She has been jealous of the tradition that does not include her for as long as she has known it.
She continued: ‘I said no. It would break my already broken soul to share her name with another family member.
“No one was happy that I ‘selfishly’ said no, but since she had a child, nothing happened.”
But now the heartbroken woman’s niece is expecting a second child, this time a girl.
The post was quickly inundated with comments that remained online, but most readers decided that it was indeed wrong.
“My mom reminded me that that’s also her name and she wants to pass it on,” he fumed.
‘First, it’s my name too. Secondly, it is still my daughter’s name even though she is dead.
The woman later admitted that she was worried about how this would affect her surviving daughter.
He explained that he “will never be able to name his potential future daughter after his dead sister.”
‘I don’t expect my mother, sister or niece to understand why I feel this way as they have never lost a child.
“That said, I don’t think it’s too hard to consider that if a grieving mother says you can’t use her daughter’s name, you should probably respect that and choose another name without question and certainly without feeling guilty.”
‘The hole in my soul opens more every time I hear a mother call her daughter by what is also my daughter’s name.
‘But now my family is creating direct and permanent agony that they could easily prevent. And they have done it knowingly.
She concluded that she feels “completely betrayed by her family,” adding: “When I broke up with her yesterday, my mom told me that if my surviving daughter has a daughter in the future, sheWe can use it too! “It’s perfectly fine for two children in a family to have the same name.”
One person wrote: ‘I have to agree here. You are afraid that the tradition that continues in your daughter’s absence means that she is not special.
The post was quickly flooded with comments that remained online.
But most readers decided that she was really wrong.
One person wrote: ‘I have to agree here. You are afraid that the tradition that continues in your daughter’s absence means that she is not special.
‘I am deeply sorry for your loss, but tradition is bigger than it.
‘The hard, sad truth about mortality is that in three or four generations, there may be no one left who remembers you or your daughter, but that tradition will continue to connect the women in your family. The credits do not appear when we die.
Another person added: “I really want to give you a pass to grieve right now so you’re so soft, you’re the asshole.” I’m sorry, but no one has a name.
‘As much as it hurts, you will meet other people with that name. Your niece is being courteous to let you know and give her opinion, but that’s all you can do.
And I agree with your mother that this should in no way prevent your other daughter from using that name in the future.
‘I really hope he is getting help to cope with his loss. It feels like you’re taking out some anger on your niece that may not be proportionate to the actions.’
A third person commented: “I hesitate to say this because it’s clearly something you care a lot about, but you’re the asshole.”
“You can see this as your niece honoring tradition now that unfortunately your daughter can no longer do so, or you can see it as deceitful and malicious, intended to desecrate her memory and insult you personally.”
“It would be much better for your soul to accept the former as possibly true.”
Another person added: ‘You’re the idiot. I’m sorry for the loss of him. It may be a little jarring and strange that her niece wants to use the name, but it is her right to do so.
‘In this case tradition is not broken. Nothing stops you from moving forward.
You can get angry with your niece. You can’t go to any contact. You can disown everyone who supports your niece. You have every right to do so, just as your niece has the right to name her daughter whatever she wants.
“However, the tradition, if it is so important to you, still stands and can continue.”
But others were more understanding, stating that she was “not the idiot.”
But others were more understanding, stating that she was “not an idiot.”
One person wrote: ‘NTA, I have understood most of the points here and they are valid.
‘I don’t understand why the mother and niece conspired behind your back against your wishes to give the name.
‘They believe that their tradition and their feelings are more important than yours. Why ask in the first place?
‘They just wanted to satisfy their own guilt. To begin with, I am against surnames for these reasons.
‘They expected you to agree and don’t really care about your feelings on this issue.
‘I feel bad for the girl because she didn’t do anything wrong, you’ll have to deal with hearing her name.
‘The evil part of me is screaming to tell him what they did and the pain they caused, but we both know that doesn’t help anyone and that justice won’t be served.
‘Love that boy like you love your daughter. Give more love to more children.
‘Don’t sink into the pain. It is the best way to honor his memory.
Another person added: ‘I’m going to the NTA only because she asked me to and you said no. Why ask? Then do it anyway.’
A third person commented: ‘NTA. Honestly, I’m surprised by these responses.
‘Why would anyone want to share a name with a dead cousin? Or a living cousin? That’s weird, these commenters are weird.
“I swear this submarine has been taken over by preteens.”
One person wrote: “NTA, I understood most of the points here and they are valid.”
One person decided to remain neutral with their opinion.
‘I’m not going to answer yta or nta. I will say this: you need therapy, just to help ease this pain.
‘There will always be pain, but it would make these situations easier to overcome. It’s a last name and the niece’s jealousy is irrelevant.
It is quite possible that your other daughter does not want to participate in the tradition at all and that your niece is the only one interested in it.
‘And, if your daughter decides she wants to participate anyway, she should be able to do so without problems.
‘Is your niece or your mother saying that your other daughter couldn’t use the name too? Were your daughter and your niece close?
‘I understand that this was probably incredibly special for you, a connection with your mother and your grandmother, etc., but life changes.
‘Traditions change. And even if his daughter had survived and his niece had decided to continue using the name, it wouldn’t be bad on his part.
Maybe you want to start the tradition in your own line. Perhaps she has felt excluded since she was a child because of a name. We do not know.
Now you can be mad about this all you want. If you want to stay on this hill, no one will stop you. But is it worth it?
‘I think you’ll have a lot to think about. Good luck. I hope it works. I’m sorry for your loss.’
The Reddit user responded: “I have to say that out of all these comments, this is the best written and thoughtful of them all.”
One person decided to remain neutral with their opinion. ‘I’m not going to answer yta or nta. I will say this: you need therapy, just to help ease this pain.
‘You’re right about everything. I feel broken and I know I don’t see things clearly or deal with them properly.
‘I don’t know why all this therapy hasn’t made it all stop. I have had several professionals over the years and I work hard, but I know I am nowhere near cured.
‘Do I keep changing therapists? It is evident that, at some point, we must recognize that they are the common denominator.
‘It’s me. I don’t know what to do. Now I feel like a horrible person. I never wanted to hurt my family.’
She continued in other comments: ‘After reading all the comments, I know I don’t see things clearly. And I think jealousy plays a role.
‘I’m not sure how to explain why I’m jealous, but he’s so much bigger than my niece. I love her even though she didn’t show it in my angry post.
‘I think I’m the problem. I’m terrified of the criticism I’ll receive here. It has been difficult to accept but it opened my eyes.
‘I have been in weekly therapy and separate grief therapy since she died. It was a sudden and graphic death that I was present for. I’m so grateful to be able to hug her in her final moments, but it left me with PTSD.
‘Parental grief is like no grief I have ever experienced and I have experienced a lot of loss. It stays with you for a lot longer than people can understand.